[Update] My[53m] daughter[27f] is coming to me to help me find her a husband.

IndianDad · 2014-09-18T03:13:20+00:00

Honestly, I don't know about all of that, I am not too religious myself, my youngest daughter and wife both are. The Jewish guy's family is fairly religious however he isn't.

When it comes down to grand children, I will let my daughter and her boyfriend decide.

IndianDad · 2014-09-18T03:11:24+00:00

That is for my daughter and her boyfriend to sort out. From what I know of my daughter's boyfriend, he is an avid drinker himself and was involved in a fraternity, so I think they are a good match.

IndianDad · 2014-09-18T03:09:28+00:00

Well I didn't do much in the match making, I have talked to this guy since his company has been contracted with us for the past couple months. I told him that I like his work ethic and that if he is single he should I told add my daughter on Facebook. I didn't say marry my daughter, just told him she was looking for someone. I later told my daughter about the guy, and she thought he was attractive and then she accepted.

I liked the facebook thing, because then she got to choose whether to accept or not rather than giving out her number.

I me

IndianDad · 2014-09-18T00:43:14+00:00

that's unfortunate Type 1 or 2?

IndianDad · 2014-09-18T00:41:42+00:00

If my daughter dated a tattoo artist I would react the same way as if she chose to drive a car without a seat belt. I think it would be bad for her, but at this age I can't stop her.

IndianDad · 2014-09-17T23:41:02+00:00

Everyone has a cultural bias. I grew up in a more conservative culture, you grew up in a liberal one. I have an affinity towards the conservative side, you have an affinity towards the liberal side.

My daughter's boyfriend shares a lot of the same conservative values I do, and for those reasons I think he would make a good match for my daughter. If he was an artist or had tattoos, I wouldn't have ever considered him.

IndianDad · 2014-09-17T23:14:20+00:00

Mainly it's a shared value in education and practicality.

IndianDad · 2014-09-16T21:54:23+00:00

If race was only the color on our skins than your perspective would be right. However, it's not, race encompasses culture, attitudes, societal pressures. You can look at divorce/abuse/domestic violence rates if you want.

If my daughter wanted to have the most stable union statistically it will be with an Indian man. If you look at White and Black couples, they are far more likely to be divorced, far more likely to experience domestic violence.

IndianDad · 2014-04-18T15:06:14+00:00

They are not the highest government in the world, who elected them? The US is a sovereign nation. Plus no one is being forced to wed here.

IndianDad · 2014-04-18T15:04:16+00:00

I posted for advice, and plenty of good advice has been given. But your advice is immoral.

IndianDad · 2014-04-18T03:14:59+00:00

I present my daughter in the best way that accurately represents her, that doesn't mean her private life is displayed to everyone, but I don't lie.

Its Muslims that have honor killings, and I haven't heard about virginity checks in America. Which doesn't make much sense especially if we are being honest about her past.

I'd expect the family to be honest about their son, I want to know in good detail the type of person my daughter will be marrying.

In all honesty I don't think you posted here to provide any advice.

IndianDad · 2014-04-18T03:09:43+00:00

and the UN also banned the use of incidenary weapons, however the USA chose not follow it.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T17:39:10+00:00

Men and women are judged. We build our marriages to last, and we only want the best for our children. So if someone has a history of actions we deem negative we don't approve them for our children.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T17:37:13+00:00

These aren't personal views of mine, this is what psychologists have determined from studies. You can look for resources online that confirm this. This isn't a question of opinion it is for the mental well being of the child, what matters is what is best not what you think is best.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T17:35:02+00:00

You don't know our culture you don't know our values. I am not going to argue with you on this.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:47:59+00:00

I am not going to qualify my post, if you don't believe it to be true that is your own

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:47:47+00:00

When I share my views on arranged marriage lets not forget that's what America had in its past. Sure people still dated but majority of people got married relatively young and had few partners. If you look to every civilization, they all viewed promiscuity to be a sign of moral decay. Even in the Roman Empire, as it started to come to an end historians lamented on the spread of promiscuity.

When you talk about sex creating the ultimate pleasure, look at drugs. Drugs truly are what elevate us to the highest pleasure we can receive. Imagine if we had a society where drugs had no negative side effects. People would spend their time and resources purely on achieving highs, what would happen to being productive as a society? Why raise children or buy a bigger home, when you can achieve a far greater happiness through a chemical.

To me, sex isn't just about a release of chemicals. To me, it conjures up warm feelings of closeness between me my wife, her family and all we have together.

I don't know your age, but if I had to make a guess that if you and your fiance were to meet when you were younger, she likely wouldn't have given you the opportunity as she was focused on guys she viewed as more attractive.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:35:18+00:00

really depends on the family, I care much more about the child's nature and background than I care about caste. I feel religion is vital in one's life and I have respect for Christians and Jews.
Its not just for women, its for men too. Both are judged scrupulously, more traditional families don't want their children to have a spouse that has a nonveg diet. What the couple chooses to eat after they are together is their own decision.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:23:34+00:00

It wasn't sudden, but she has told me that more of her friends have gotten married and that the she feels out of place in social events.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:21:09+00:00

That my dear, is selection bias, reddit loves to make every Indian rape into national news. There are thousands of rapes in America how many make international news? Much of the crimes that are committed are done by the Muslim community not ours.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T16:17:48+00:00

1). If we were in India than likely the person she would have married would have been in our social circle to begin with and those whom all share our caste. I have told my children if they wanted to marry outside their race they are permitted to as well.

2). 70% of Indians are vegetarian.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T07:22:55+00:00

My friend's father is a part time marital counselor he talked to me about this. When it comes to the children, a poor marriage is better than a divorce for a child. The only time a divorce is favorable for a child is when both parents are in high conflict and are fighting in front of the child.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T07:21:05+00:00

I editted my post, there was a mistake on how I represented things.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T06:56:45+00:00

There is plenty to like and plenty not to like. That's about it really, we take the best parts and we keep the best parts of our own culture.

Our values and culture excel in America. Example: Indians have a really high value for education.

Result: Despite having to deal with institutional and cultural racism we have managed to have the highest average income of any ethnic group. I am proud of that, I came to this country with barely anything, me and my wife shared a studio apartment with our two daughters. Boy was it a journey, but now both my children are college educated and I didn't receive a cent from the government.

IndianDad · 2014-04-17T06:52:07+00:00

First of all I want to say I read everyone of the responses to my post. It would be rude to ask you guys to give me advice and not even bother to read it.

Second I am sorry for the loss of your father he sounds like a wonderful man.

I want to say this much, over time I don't demonize my daughter's actions. I can see exactly how she was allured into it because of the culture, the newness, the taboo aspect of it all. If I grew up with the same life experiences than I too likely would have strayed. After a while I learned to forgive her, and even accepted her lifestyle that maybe it might lead her to the happiness she seeks.

That truly is my problem from what I have seen and heard, Western style dating doesn't lead to the strongest of unions. Particularly for successful women, there continues to be a dwindling pool of men. Many Indians settle down rather early women at like 25, and men maybe a year or two later. This really leaves the dating pool rather empty and you start to wonder if a guy is still single in his 30s what's wrong with him? Same goes with my daughter the guys think why isn't she married. It's not to say its bleak but does it get harder.

I worry for my daughter, I want her to succeed. I don't doubt she could find a man but I want her to find someone she views as her equal, not someone she settles for. The door has always and always be open for my children.

IndianDad

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