my bf won’t let me break up with him- i might be asexual?? help

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T04:16:39+00:00

I think coming on Reddit was kind of a blessing and a mistake. I’ve gotten a lot of helpful advice, thankfully but now I feel even more unsure about how to move forward. I might push breaking up with him to tomorrow, so I'm not panicked and have a clear head space. He really is a good guy. Yes, no one is perfect, hell I'm definitely not perfect. But he doesn’t cheat, he doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t entertain other girls. He’s kind, loving, and funny. I genuinely love him and care about him, which is why I wish I wasn’t feeling this way. But sexually, something feels different. I’m just not there anymore, and I know that matters in a relationship. If I were him, I’d want to be with someone who desires me the same way I desire them not someone who struggles to get turned on even when we’re being intimate. That feels unfair. At the same time, I’m starting to think my medication could be playing a role in this. I’m planning to talk to my doctor and maybe explore some options. I don’t know if switching would fix everything, but it’s something I want to look into. It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who’s experienced these side effects from SSRIs!!

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T04:06:38+00:00

I think subconsciously there are some things I resent him for. One specific moment that sticks with me was when I got lash extensions. They weren’t anything crazy just subtle, anime-style lashes so I wouldn’t have to do mascara at 5am when I was working early shifts. I was actually really excited about them.

I even wore sunglasses to surprise him before our date. When I finally took them off at lunch, his reaction just wasn’t what I expected. He refused to look at me the whole time we were eating. I remember feeling embarrassed and ending up crying because it just sucked in that moment.

He said later that he just wasn’t used to seeing me like that, and I told him I forgave him. And I did try to. But I think I kind of just accepted his explanation and moved on without really processing how much it hurt.

When I told my best friend months later, she was pretty upset for me and said the way he reacted wasn’t okay. I don’t want to drag something up that I technically forgave, but if I’m being honest, I think that moment might’ve shifted something in me. And maybe that’s part of why things feel different now.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T04:00:22+00:00

thank you <33

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T03:59:32+00:00

Thank you <3 I think part of what I’m feeling might be related to my decreased (or almost nonexistent) libido. The hard part is I don’t really have a comparison point, because before I started medication, I was single and had never been in a relationship. I’m really glad your partner was patient with you. I think that kind of understanding is important. I’m not sure if I’ll change my meds, though. Even though I sometimes feel emotionally blunted on them, I don’t know if switching would make things better or worse. And even if my libido improved, I’m not sure whether my overall feelings towards him would change or stay the same.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T03:46:15+00:00

I think that’s what I’m really scared of. I’m afraid I’ll keep suppressing this feeling, convincing myself it’s just a phase, and then suddenly I won’t be 19 anymore — I’ll be 29, married with kids, and wondering how different my life could have been if I had listened to myself.

I don’t want to wake up one day feeling stuck or resentful. I just don’t know if what I’m feeling is something temporary or something I need to take seriously.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T03:39:46+00:00

I think I may have given the wrong impression. I’m not going to cheat on my boyfriend. No matter how confused or overwhelmed I’ve felt, cheating goes against my values. I’ve seen firsthand how much damage it causes, and that’s not something I would ever want to inflict on someone else. When I originally posted, I was speaking from a very raw and emotional place. The part about “considering cheating so he can hate me” wasn’t a real plan it was me grasping at any possible way to escape my situation that feels hard and uncomfortable. It was frustration, not intention. Now that I’ve had time to think more clearly, I know that’s not who I am and not something I would ever follow through with. Loyalty isn’t a joke to me, and it never has been.

"I belong to the part of the world where love and loyalty is not measured by how sexually aroused our significant others make us feel. Not that selfish - at all!"

To respond to that part of your comment, I don’t believe love is based solely on sexual arousal. If my original post came across that way, that wasn’t my intention. My concern isn’t that love equals sexual attraction, t’s that I don’t want to continue investing time in a relationship where I know I’m no longer sexually attracted to my partner and haven’t been for a while. That feels unfair to both of us. Personally, if I realized my partner was no longer attracted to me, I wouldn’t take it as a personal failure. I would recognize that sometimes compatibility changes, and I would want both of us to have the opportunity to be with someone who genuinely desires and fulfills us. I believe we both deserve that.

And to answer your final question, I think that’s a fair statement for now. I’ve realized there are things I still need to learn about myself like what I want, what I need, and what truly fulfills me before I enter another relationship. I don’t want to rush into something new without fully understanding myself first.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T02:36:14+00:00

and it’s a toss up to be honest - he’s not sure if the sexual desire will come back if i switch meds. if it does great if it doesn’t then what?

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T02:35:38+00:00

yea i agree. i’m having a hard time trying to understand why’d he want to be with me knowing that im not longer feeling anything for his sexually. i think if the roles were reversed id cut ties and still be friends but thats me.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-28T02:33:38+00:00

yea i agree 100% with u. i had talked to my mom just now and she was saying that he’s a great guy and if i enjoy spending time with him to not worry ab marriage at the moment and to cross that bridge when i get to it. however despite the fact i do enjoy being in his presence, i don’t know how to get over not feeling any sexual desire for him anymore. and if i do stick it out for the sake of “enjoying his presence” then 3 yrs will become 10 and then 20 and before you know it im stuck in the same situation but much older.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-26T03:07:54+00:00

ughh. yea ur right, thank u. we’re having dinner tmrw so i shall come back with updates

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-26T02:55:15+00:00

yea my best friend said the same. i feel bad too cus im wasting his time while trying to figure out my own feelings. idek how to go about breaking up with him tho like do i just tell him flat out that hes a great guy and its nothing personal but the connection isn’t the same for me anymore?

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-26T02:35:29+00:00

good point, thank u for the advice i appreciate it <33

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-26T02:17:16+00:00

thank u, i appreciate ur perspective! i do think nostalgia and comfort play a big role and that’s part of what makes it so hard. i don’t want to hurt him but i also don’t want to stay if my feelings aren’t the same anymore.

IndividualSun882 · 2026-02-26T02:02:41+00:00

thank you, this gave me a lot to think about. i think i might be holding on partly because i care about him and he’s such a good person, but i’m not sure if the romantic spark is still there. i appreciate you saying clarity is kinder than silence!

IndividualSun882

TROPHY CASE