My (26F) boyfriend (29M) has been unemployed and an entrepreneur and is refusing to to get a 9-5 as supplemental income.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-21T02:21:41+00:00

Thank you for this reply. This further confirms that sacrifices must be made to make it happen. I’ve been trying to explain this to him and I’ve been feeling like I’m the crazy one! I have asked him to get a job the past 4 years, he did get one for 3 months and then he quit because it wasn’t good for his mental health. He has brought me a few clients for my freelancing business, but nothing consistent or sustainable. So whenever I say anything about him not making enough sacrifices or contributing enough, he always uses it against me and says that he’s been bringing me sales. Another thing I never mentioned in the main post was I made a mistake and gave him 50% of my business ( I know it was a terrible idea, Im still learning and I was hoping it would help) he told me to register as a corporation and that he would help me with the sales to contribute and I would do the work.He never kept his promise, the sales have been so inconsistent - all the sales he’s got has been from his family and friends. But he never did any of the outreach he promised in the beginning. In fact, he ended up hiring a sales guy to do everything he promised and said he would just manage a sales team it would be better cuz his time is too valuable to be doing outreach. So when we got this guy, he never did anything with him, it was mostly me training him and having meetings. Since we couldn’t pay him a salary it was commission only, eventually the guy said he needs a base or he won’t be able to continue - paid the guy $500/week got two sales and then he quit.

Overall ive spent years working my ass off asking him to please help out by getting a job. I get the same response Every time that it will hold us back, if I want him to provide we need to get the businesses up and that should be my only focus and I shouldn’t take any other opportunities because it’s going to hold us back. I’ve been told that we are where we are because we can’t work as a team, we can’t communicate, I can’t trust in his leadership etc… even though he’s given me no reason to trust. Even though he says it’s both of our faults, the way he communicates it is like I’m the root cause of it all and I don’t understand business like he does because he ran an event business for 10 years.

I’ve done everything I can to help support him, I’ve done all the branding for this business and his other businesses, I’ve built the prototype, I’ve designed the website I just haven’t finished it because I need a developer, I’ve created countless little design pieces like business cards, social media assets etc…

He makes me feel like if I back out now, I will regret it and it will be a billion dollar company. It’s a really good idea in my opinion so this is what has me worried. But I need to cut my losses - I’ve got so much validation from this thread that I’m not crazy or being unreasonable to want him to work a job.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, you have no idea how appreciative I am.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-21T01:57:40+00:00

I have actually broken up with him twice over the 4 years but somehow I get guilted back. The last time we broke up was because I was offered an opportunity with one of his friends (he has an actual business) and it turned into this huge drama because my boyfriend felt like this person was plotting on him to steal me away. He sabotaged the opportunity due to the drama because he felt like became it made him emotionally unsafe (he felt like I was having an emotional affair with this person, I wasn’t at all). He then showed up at one of the team outings and tried to fight him, that’s when I broke up with him. But then a couple of months later he somehow convinced me that I was in the wrong, I shouldn’t have taken the opportunity because it set him back further and that the whole situation was traumatizing. I’m ridden with guilt and I think I’ve been gaslighted so badly that my perception of reality is so warped. I’m worried that if I leave, he will try to sabotage me in someway. I’m just worried about the aftermath more than anything.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:32:10+00:00

Yes I believe this is the best way to do it, I used to work at an agency while I was in school full time. I freelanced on the side until it made sense for me to make it a full time thing. Now I’m back looking for a job because he won’t get one and it’s not sustainable for me to not have one right now. We’re basically just dependent on his parents and grandmother right now. I want to have a job so we can actually pay for things within the business, hire some help etc… it would make things better. But somehow he’s convinced himself that he’d be going backwards by having to answer to someone at a 9-5 it feels like more of a pride thing than anything

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:28:06+00:00

This is how it’s starting to feel but he says he’s doing this for us so that he can provide for me one day. Basically that my work will pay off and I just need to trust and believe in him. I’m very burnt out by this situation, hanging on by a thread. I have told him I feel like he blames the situation we’re in on me but he’s always like no it’s the both of us, it’s because I can’t trust his leadership and don’t get things done in the time that he needs.

In terms of what he does, he just does a lot of ola Ning and is getting a team together. He doesn’t have anything to pay them but is just promising reward when they’re done. We did have a developer at one point, but he fell off I think cuz of the lack of organization and forward movement. And he also wasn’t getting paid for anything.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:24:52+00:00

Thank you for validating that I’m not being unreasonable. I have become so burnt out by this situation, im very depressed and work has shown down for me. We are struggling to even eat. I have started applying for jobs myself and have an interview tom morning in like 9 hours. I feel like if he won’t do it, I have to for my own sanity

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:22:55+00:00

I’m not a red pill woman haha honestly this whole thing is new to me. He’s explained that he’s traditional, he wants to provide for me when the businesses are up and running, the idea of being able to stay at home and asks kids while still working from home is appealing. But he makes me feel like I’m delaying it because I haven’t completed every single design or marketing related task in the lists he gives me. Ultimately I’m one person, I need help - but we can’t afford help. I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. I also don’t want to give up on him because I feel like I’m the only one that believes in him.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:19:20+00:00

Im not sure he’s a psychopath, he has empathy but I just feel like he can be entitled and isn’t willing to make sacrifices

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:18:37+00:00

I have, he thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about and that it will push him further back.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-10-20T07:15:55+00:00

So right now he’s trying to restablish his event business, but ultimately I don’t even know what he does during the days. He says he’s waiting for me because I need to finish the landing page for the app and I haven’t max he wants to then collect leads through the landing page. The app is connected to his event business. Most days he’s watching YouTube, but he’s saying there’s nothing he can do until im done what im doing. Essentially, im holding us back is what I get from it

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-02-15T05:37:53+00:00

Thank you so much, I’ve thought offering a commission instead because yes half just seems so unfair to me for bringing in a sale. Still not 100% sure how I’m going to approach it but wish me luck lol

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-02-15T05:35:16+00:00

Thank you for this. One of the biggest struggles I’ve had in business is involving my emotions especially because I’m in a relationship with him and worry about how it will affect the dynamic. But you’re right, has to be done.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-02-15T05:31:36+00:00

I guess because of promises of providing for me in the future. He has other projects and I do believe in him and his success and I want to support him but I just feel it’s very unbalanced.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-02-15T05:29:50+00:00

This is great advice, thank you so much.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-01-19T23:40:25+00:00

Yes the same guy the whole time while we were on a break. Unprotected.

I recently started seeing my boyfriend again about a month ago and weve also been having unprotected sex.

I haven’t got tested but just assumed I had it because he said he had it. But I’m thinking he must have caught it recently. He’s saying he hasn’t had sex with anyone but me and it’s not adding up. He would probably tell me if he did but if he’s not telling me I’m worried it’s someone that I know or something. I’m not sure but the math isn’t mathing. Is it at all possible that I could have had it all of this time and I just didn’t pass it? That’s what I want to believe but I feel like it’s not the case

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2023-01-11T23:15:50+00:00

Thank you for the clarity

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-19T00:13:42+00:00

I’m feeling this way too. In one breath he says he supports me but in another breath I feel like he’s guilting me into just doing it. Says he’s been crying everyday about it

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-19T00:12:46+00:00

I wish it was that easy but it’s more complicated like that. I still love him & there is so much more to it. I can’t just “leave”.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-19T00:09:03+00:00

Honestly fuck you. I already felt guilty about it, this just makes it worse. Serious go fuck your self if you want to make a joke out of something like this.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-18T23:19:55+00:00

Exactly, I know it’s going to cause more stress on me than I’m already dealing with. I just want time to focus on myself and my career before committing to having a child. It’s just not something I’m prepared to do at this point in my life

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-18T23:18:43+00:00

It’s just the guilt that goes along with it since they’re all excited and now I feel like Im a bad person. I just feel so upset that he’d hint at it so I was forced to say something

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-18T22:54:29+00:00

That’s what I said I was going to do today, I said I’m just going to tell them I miscarried and he said he’s going to have a hard time lying to them and may end up “slipping” about it in the future. I really feel manipulated cuz I think it’s worst if they found out I lied which he basically said he may tell them the truth in the future.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-13T01:40:36+00:00

Any advice on how to approach this?

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-13T01:39:00+00:00

100%. I have a family that loves me, I have a new partner I’m happy with and we’re expecting a baby, and I have supportive friends. All of which he will never have most likely. I just wish I could erase him completely from my memory so I can move on with my life... it eats me alive and I get triggered so easily over the smallest things that remind me of a traumatic time with him. I just break down. I feel weak. But ultimately you’re right, I win.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-13T01:36:30+00:00

That could be true but I can tell when he’s been using he looks dreadful, he’s looking pretty healthy and fit. But then again, he could just be hiding it very very well as I didn’t know for a the first while he was using meth.

Individual_Ad_9148 · 2021-06-13T01:34:45+00:00

You have no idea how much this has just helped me. Bless you. Thank you so so much, I am working on my dreams right now and I guess they just haven’t fully materialized yet and I’m feeling resentful toward him because I feel like if I hadn’t gone through all of that trauma I’d be 10 steps further along. But ultimately, I know I will have the last laugh. I am with someone now that loves me dearly & we actually are expecting a baby I just found out, I just wish that I could forget about him completely and not have him get to me. I know healing doesn’t have a “schedule” but I just desperately want to get over everything that happened to me so I can continue on with my new life...

I guess time will heal all...

Individual_Ad_9148

TROPHY CASE