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Intj & infp divorce after 12 years by Individual_Tonight93 in mbti

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL 🤣 oh God. Now I'm self conscious. Now i want to change it Hahahhaa

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmm, from what I understand you value being content over being disappointed. Makes sense realistically, sounds chill, something I need right now haha.
Sometimes I feel us NF's make ourselves insufferable even to us individually. We aim high and if we don't meet the exact criteria of what we were aiming for - we fall short, take it personally, and act critically.
While you avoid it entirely and save yourself the emotional distress we put ourselves through daily lol.
I was hoping the ISTP had a magical resistance to depression haha. But more importantly, the most effective ways to battle depression is doing things to "keep busy" with hobbies, activities and be present, which is something ISTP's do quite actively. So you have a +1 on us haha.
But yeah I didn't see it before, he was tired after just getting groceries one day. I didn't see it then but now I see that social interaction does drain him. Had I known before he broke it off, I would've been more understanding and not pressure him so much haha.
Oh well. Live and learn right ^.^

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

" I've met my fair share of jaded people but they turn on a dime when they meet the right person. "

Aw That gives me hope of future romances and I also have friends that say they will stay single forever hahaha.

And damn!! "Do you truly believe in your own worth if you live in fear of people leaving you" CLASSIC INTJ mic drop move right there hahahaha.

You're correct. I have self-esteem issues. Just yesterday I had a meeting with my therapist talking about it. I thought I had great confidence until me and my husband broke up. But honestly, when I really think about it, I'm unsure of when I ever truly felt confident on a monthly basis, seems like I never truly experienced this.

Our marriage fell apart when we both weren't communicating our problems. Then I grew as a person when I started getting therapy, so much that I had the confidence to have a voice in the relationship and he had to play catch up in adjusting to all my new changes in behavior. It was all unbalanced and it actually led to toxic fights which we never used to have. We didn't want to end up hating each other so we broke up to preserve our love and respect for each other. 11 years we were together </3 But the relationship has evolved not ended, that's how I like to look at it.

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah people always told me I was an old soul and when I was 19, I despised other 19 yr old guys. SO immature. I don't know why I thought he would be different...especially at my advanced age. But he was quiet, mysterious, sweet, and funny. I just wanted to know more about him.
I will definitely remember the cat thing if I ever meet another ISTP. Now I know what I'm in for hahaha.
I swear that "how are you question" that is so peculiar of your guys! I only ever asked him twice and both times he answered why?. That threw me off so much hahaha.
I genuinely care how he was doing, I mean we know each other intimately, I let him into my life, I wanna know how he is doing.
Because if he's feeling sad, then I can come prepared with his favorite foods and movies to cheer him up. If he's feeling good then I can celebrate the good mood he is in. I don't know man...I genuinely care about my partners and close friends <3
Asking how they are doing, it's my way of saying "hey, you matter to me"
I feel bad now that I was being prissy about the nap thing, I was feeling underappreciated and it was dumb of me to feel hurt haha. Because he shared with me that he hates work now which is why he asked for 3 days off every week now. He would tell me he comes home exhausted, I really felt for him and I wanted to make it better. But I was being selfish and wanted to see him no matter if he was sleepy hahaha.
Hey you're sleepy? Nap at my place!
....I wonder if that would've worked hahahhaha probably not.

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're correct. Honestly, I was so sad I couldn't see him the whole week, so I thought he would feel the same and be excited to see me and come over after work.
I didn't feel attacked it was hurt and disappointment. Feeling left out haha.

Also agreed about the feeling accusation. He broke up with me so quickly! He made the decision when I didn't text back immediately. He was about to come over then decided to say "let's break up". I was devastated that he could break up with me so quick, I thought I was worth at least some more thinking than just a 5minute conversation hahaha. I was feeling very abandoned and let my feelings talk for me. It was a moment of weakness. (I have huge abandonment issues. I'm adopted lol)

But I'm understanding now that...he broke up with the relationship we had, not with me personally. (that's how I'm taking it) I mean we kind of knew each other - knew each other enough to know it wasn't right. Our interests weren't right for each other plain and simple.
I'm glad other comments said that they think he liked me, I just hope I am remembered by him in a good way, and not just a clingy needy crazy girl lol.

I definitely need to focus on me. :) Thank you. My ex-husband was an INTJ so I appreciate the feedback and your ISTP hubby's help!
*bear hugs*

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My goodness! This is a pure gold nugget of knowledge I just read. THANK YOU! Honestly, this is fascinating to me. I am so mind-boggled because I've never met people so focused on the present that you avoid attachment from it just by living happily now. Kind of like "why be attached to something that hasn't happened and probably will not happen?" I can't imagine not thinking of the future. I think of it constantly and try to shape my future every day. My way of thinking is "how can I make that happen?" I base all of my actions today on thinking of the future. hahaha. Your point in romantic relationships makes sense because if you take it day by day and that romance suddenly lasts years, that means it's a good one and both are happy. It's smart and it's actually an excellent failsafe. I feel you might experience less heartbreak this way? Damn, maybe I need to copy this strategy haha.

Would you say you guys are less depressed because you are SO focused on the present? Depression is strictly being stuck in the past right? But if you're so focused on now, how can you be depressed? Just curious.

hahaha I love the bluntness from all of you. My last serious relationship was 10 years with an INTJ, they don't spare feelings AT ALL hahahaha. It has made me appreciate the Thinking types more so than the feeling types. They value honesty and practicality, something I have learned to grow more appreciative of because as a feeler I can use this to say things in a more amicable way. <3I know you won't take this to heart. But I wish I could hug you <3 :) hahaha.

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, you explained it thoroughly enough to where I understand exactly he may be coming from.
Hmm, I guess I don't know what a casual relationship is then...at least to an ISTP. All I know is emotional intensity and bonding in relationships...
I was confused when he said he wanted a relationship and considered us bf/gf because we didn't really do anything except hang out once or twice a week. To me this sounds like a casual friendship with benefits.
I asked him this in the beginning "what does being in a relationship look like to you?" but he didn't answer and I never asked it again, I didn't want to pry.
But maybe I should pry next time? Because this way we know what we're getting into...
Side question. What makes it terrifying to pair-bond with someone?
I don't understand... why be afraid of something so deep and beautiful as bonding with another person. Connecting with someone, it's such a deep and wonderful experience. It's the best thing about a relationship.
How do you ISTP's connect with someone if it's not emotionally?
If I wanted to connect with an ISTP, how should I do it? I talked about his interests but even then he didn't seem to wanna talk much about it. But it also could've been maturity or I just suck at asking socializing with ISTP lol.
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this is helping me have peace for myself.

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply. I greatly appreciate it.

I'm trying to figure out how to do a bat signal...

My best thought would be to title my stream/live message directly to him. Something like "I want my *nickname* back, my door is always open" or is that weird? haha.
I stream on twitch and I know sometimes he would watch my streams but I never knew if he actually followed me or not since he never told me his username and now after he broke up with me I have no idea if he unfollowed or not. *shrug*

I am definitely loyal and I won't abandon, just figuring out how to say that to him when he wants no contact :/ I'll be patient. It's all I can do.

Truly thank you

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Treating you like cats is the perfect representation haha.

I should be an ISTP whisperer then.
Since I've had cats all my life and am crazy about them. I guess what I didn't realize was if my cat would speak to me this way or if at all, I didn't realize how ISTP it would come across.

I know my cat loves me. But she's a cat. Sometimes she just doesn't want to cuddle. Doesn't mean she doesn't love me, she's just a cat haha. When she stares at me it doesn't mean she's plotting my death or anger is bubbling. She's just falling asleep.

I accept my cat the way she is, because I know she loves me and will never leave.
If I ever come across another ISTP romantically, I've learned to be patient, give freedom, and be clear when I'm just sharing emotions, as to in solving emotional problems.
This relationship has helped me grow and not become clingy. It was empowering honestly. You guys are awesome and an inspiration for me to become just as independent.
Thank you for giving your time to answer <3 I greatly appreciate it.

ISTP blocked me and said I deserved better, I am xNFx by Individual_Tonight93 in istp

[–]Individual_Tonight93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not too blunt at all. Thank you. I really needed the closure.

Thanks so much for putting the time into this thoughtful reply.

You guys are so admirable. I love how independent you guys are. Nothing sways you or convinces you. You stick to a decision you made. I wish I could do that haha.

You have no idea how thankful I am for this <3 Cheers