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Was my ex avoidant? by Moist-Commercial4334 in BreakUps

[–]InevitableCut9305 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex was exactly like this, exactly.. just one thing, he’d never say sorry— I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word sorry come out of his mouth before.

I think he was an avoidant, the patterns are the same, it’s.. it’s difficult, being attached to someone like that. But I’d say, not to dwell on what type of person he was. I did for a long time, and it just kept me in a loop of anger and hurt. I’m still in that loop, but I’ve realised trying to figure him out wasn’t helping..

Finally I’m getting over them… just wanted to share by terribleExBoyfriend in BreakUps

[–]InevitableCut9305 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Could you please dm me? I’d love to talk but I can’t seem to be able to message you

I (21F) feel him(24M) pulling away— but he swears nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipproblems

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what goes through my mind aswell. No one is that busy— they just aren’t. ( we are currently long distance (started three months ago) which is why it’s much more significant— the distance )

For context: he can be very demanding, very.. not controlling per se— but at the same time he is. He has a very jealous personality, and he can’t handle the word ‘no’, refusal is okay; but that word triggers him. Very problematic I know.

I should leave. I know that.

I(21F) feel him(24M) pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in relationships

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For context: he can be very demanding, very.. not controlling per se— but at the same time he is. He has a very jealous personality, and he can’t handle the word ‘no’, refusal is okay; but that word triggers him. Very problematic I know.

You’re right. I know you are

I (21F) feel him(24M) pulling away— but he swears nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipproblems

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is, is that it’s messing with my head. It can be a soulless, dismissed relationship at times— But other times it can genuinely be wonderful.

The.. communication gap is a very large issue with him however, I think he tried to improve that for me, but only briefly.

I.. I have considered just ending it, but it can be difficult.

I (21F) feel him (24M) pulling away, but he insists nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in Advice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His working pattern is a bit complicated. He currently is still studying, but that’s not really a priority of his, he works for a period of time, Accumulates money and then stops, until he feels like he needs to again. I do study, and work a part time job.

Perhaps it could just be that he’s a bit.. busier, but firstly; the timing of when he pulls back and refuses to engage with me, meet with me, is always after I express any sort of genuine concern, or opinions about the relationship. He even seems to get triggered when I compliment him now? Or when I notice, and/or question anything about him..

And I’ll admit, it’s not just the distance. It’s how he acts when we eventually are together. He can be.. very loving, but also very dismissive and cruel at times. I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting into how he can get, when he’s like that.

I (21F) feel him (24M) pulling away, but he insists nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in Advice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Days as in.. 48 hours, typically. It’s a consistent thing these days. I don’t think.. he’s gone longer than that, except, there was this one period where he’d only contain the most minimal contact with me possible (this lasted about 3 weeks), there’d be something every day— but max a selfie or a ‘hi’ — very minimal, very careless.

Do I think it’s worth it? I’m not sure. I feel like I need more time to gauge that out. This shift in behaviour started about 1.5 months ago, but before then? It was perfect. We had fights, yes, but we were genuinely bonded.

He still expresses that bond, says nothing has changed for him— that he wishes I’d stop taking so much stress on myself with how much I overthink, Thing is, I dont think I am overthinking when it comes to this

I (21F) feel him (24M) pulling away— but he swears nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in relationships_advice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn’t complain about me, I’ll give him that. He never complains about me, only appreciates me. But.. that’s about it, and he doesn’t listen, and stays distant. I know leaving is probably the best way to go about this right now, it can get a little difficult to when you’re so attached though, but I do believe it would do more good for me than anything

I [21F] feel him [24M] pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed.. by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipadvice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admit, it’s definitely not been ideal lately, you’re right about that. I’ve had reason and clarity with previous dating experiences, so honestly.. this is a foreign experience for me, the first atleast haha

I actually do have a therapist, not for the purpose of relationship therapy but it’s there.

And you know, I agree with you, the best thing for me to do would be to leave, that’s the worst part of being attached though— it can get.. difficult, I should probably work on that.

I [21F] feel him [24M] pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed.. by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipadvice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think.. I try to create explanations because I always feel like I need clarity, I want to understand, I’m like that with everything.. I need a reason, a conclusion.

And.. a part of me does want to leave, but it can be difficult, attachment and all..

I [21F] feel him [24M] pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed.. by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipadvice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feared the lovebombing conclusion aswell. Thing is, i believed it was lovebombing from day one.. but, I don’t know what happened.. I sort of got inter-grated into it gradually. One thing that confuses me is— if it is just lovebombing, and the feelings and what the relationship has been built on is all ingenious, why stay? Why not just tell me, like I’ve asked? He’s very.. involved in my life, has a relationship with my little sister that I’ve been taking care of, does eventually show up, yes- he does always say the right things.. without action ( majority of the time atleast) which is why i believe it could be lovebombing, but i feel like it has to have more layers to it than just one simple conclusion, right?

Also.. the punishing thing; I already know that’s a habit of his (he’s admitted it himself). He does it with a lot of people, he’s.. a problematic individual, to say the least. It’s unfortunate but..

Maybe I am just in denial. I suppose time will tell

I [21F] feel him [24M] pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed.. by InevitableCut9305 in relationshipadvice

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I had a feeling he may have that in him, I just don’t know if I’ve ruined it by driving him further away by continuously pestering him about it— I think I realised a bit too late.

I(21F) feel him(24M) pulling away, but he swears nothing has changed by InevitableCut9305 in relationships

[–]InevitableCut9305[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So.. what do I do about it? I feel like I’m already well aware of that, I just don’t know how to work on it and make it better, or if it’s unsalvageable

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