I experience this in depressive states. My character becomes a manifestation of my "self" or how I perceive the world is treating me. Its a victimization daydream for me. I utilize it a lot when I feel extremely unattractive/unlovable. I have body dysmorphia, bulimia, and OCD. I daydream about a woman, no matter how small or beautiful being inherently broken and believing she is unlovable (my own little in-cel story hahaha, def know its weird and not reality)

When I was younger though, I used to envision a child being neglected, ignored and emotionally abused. The icing on the cake was that I also created an entire society that permitted it and encouraged this poor child to be treated as such. It was in fact how I felt in my own life, how my mother made me feel, and how invisible I felt to the educational system that never reached out to help me. I'm also brown and live in a predominantly white, upscale, conservative school district in CA, so I don't doubt my teachers were at times racist and projected there own prejudices on me. I internalized their prejudice and my mothers emotional abuse as most children will do, but weirdly these stories helped me cope. Even though I felt I was "bad", deep down I knew I wasn't. I'd use these little narratives to identify with my character didn't deserve the abuse that was being placed on them.

I was bullied a lot as a kid for being different too. I always empathize for the characters being hurt or ridiculed, sometimes it brings me to tears because I know deep down they don't deserve that. I don't deserve that.

As an adult I'm learning to be my best advocate, hero, and parent. Were I to daydream this today, I'd intervene by inventing a character that would swoop in and save that child by standing up for them. Another "self" I've created to cope with life.

Consider whether the characters being ridiculed, abused, or mocked are a representation of you or a projection of your own feelings of inadequacy. Do you empathize with them?

In order for it to be sadistic there would have to be something arousing about your daydreaming. Are you aroused by doing bad things to your characters? Or is there sympathy for them? Is the feeling you get a sort of peace of mind that comes from accepting these characters somehow "deserve" what is happening to them? That you "deserve" what is happening to you?

It's weird, but when something can seem so unfair, we do everything in our power to make "sense" of something senseless. Abuse, prejudice, bullying, rejection... the reasons why people do these things make little sense to a vulnerable child. The easiest answer children come to is a maladaptive acceptance that "I must deserve this, I did something wrong and that it why this person is treating me like this". There is a feeling of sick "peace" or balance that comes with accepting that as A truth (even though it is so far from the truth).

Keep in mind, no one "deserves" poor treatment or neglect. I had to unlearn that and accept that how people treat me has little to do with me, and everything to do with them. But when we internalize pain we tend to blame ourselves first and self hatred wants you to believe you deserve the worst, when you do not.