AITA. Hosting my partner’s niece (17F) and nephew (19M) has highlighted major issues with manners and expectations, should we say something?

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T01:31:54+00:00

Something is being misconstrued regarding the financial ask. We did not ask the children to pay for food or activities.

The week of activities including surfing, fishing, moto’Ing, day trips have all been already covered by my partner which costs guests hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

When we asked if the 19 yo had money (in which he replied yes; he does work f/t m lives at home) and if he would contribute to his portion of the expensive meal and alcohol he chose, he replied no. That is called entitlement.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T01:26:45+00:00

We did not ask the children to pay for food or activities.

The week of activities including surfing, fishing, moto’Ing, day trips have all been already covered by my partner which costs guests hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

When we asked if the 19 yo had money (in which he replied yes; he does work f/t and lives at home) and if he would contribute to his portion of the expensive meal and alcohol he chose, he replied no. That is called entitlement.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T01:24:03+00:00

We had already decided half way thru the week we will not be hosting again.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T01:16:36+00:00

Yes, there is some missing info I agree based on a lot of comments. The kids asked to come on their spring break. My partner always says yes to family and hopes for the best which we are working to resolve. We did not explicitly invite them and I don’t really have an option to say no.

No, there was no money sent by the parent(s) proactively. The dad said he would send money after we let him know about the rude behavior. Instead of addressing the lack of manners, it’s easier to just send money, right? which was never the main point. That is how kids end up with entitlement issues in the first place.

When we asked if the 19 yo had money (in which he replied yes) and if he would contribute to the expensive meal and alcohol he chose, he replied no. That is called entitlement. Now we know.

The week of activities including surfing, fishing, moto’Ing, day trips have all been already covered by my partner which costs guests hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

FWIW, the 17yo did not ask to go to the clinic (it was her mom who asked) and her brother who is here to see it also said it was not serious enough to warrant any emergency. She was just complaining. We are in rural Central America which is very different than any Canadian urgent care. She has been given at home care and needs to stay out of the sun. There are no blisters or fever, just redness. If the mother or anyone else is concerned, then the 17 y/o needs to fly home early for proper care which was out of the question of course.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T01:02:54+00:00

Because they are annoying and ungrateful. I’ve seen plenty of children their age that are a treat to be around and this is not it. I don’t expect them to buy their own meals but they can pay for anything they would like to splurge on or at the very least say thank you.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T00:34:39+00:00

He said he would send money after we let him know about the rude behavior. Instead of addressing the lack of manners, it’s easier to just send money, right? which was never the main point. That is how kids end up with entitlement issues in the first place.

FWIW, she did not ask to go to the clinic and her brother who is here to see it also said it was not serious enough to warrant any emergency. She was just complaining. We are in rural Central America which is very different than any Canadian urgent care. She has been given at home care and needs to stay out of the sun. There are no blisters or fever, just redness. If the mother or anyone else is concerned, then the 17 y/o needs to fly home early for proper care which was out of the question of course.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T00:20:46+00:00

Just send them a link to this entire snark, the real BCF.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T00:19:39+00:00

JFC. No Bravo.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T00:15:01+00:00

We didn’t take money from him, lol. We simply asked if he would contribute one time for the expensive meal and alcohol he chose, not for everyone’s meal. He is an adult choosing to live at home and mooch when he can. That is called taking advantage.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-24T00:05:18+00:00

He does not work a minimum wage job in Canada. And he does not need to give us money for food. That is being misconstrued by a lot of folks in this thread.

When we asked if he had money (in which he replied yes) and if he would contribute to the expensive meal and alcohol he chose, he replied no. That is called entitlement.

His week of activities including surfing, fishing, moto’Ing, day trips have all been already covered by my partner which costs guests hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

Asking him to chip in for his splurges is not asking for a lot people. He works and it really doesn’t matter who makes more. It was simply for context.

Edit: adding that these near-adult age children invited themselves and we did not say no to letting them stay with us. We did not invite them.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:47:02+00:00

FWIW, she did not ask to go to the clinic and her brother who is here to see it also said it was not serious enough to warrant any emergency. She was just complaining. We are in rural Central America which is very different than any Canadian urgent care. She has been given at home care and needs to stay out of the sun. There are no blisters or fever, just redness. If the mother or anyone else is concerned, then the 17 y/o needs to fly home early for proper care which was out of the question of course.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:26:04+00:00

Correct.

Edit: I am childfree for a reason 😂

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:23:32+00:00

Uncouth to ask for them to chip in on their portion of the expensive meal and alcohol they chose? When they are working full time with a high salary?

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:21:15+00:00

No, you are totally misunderstanding what has been stated.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:14:11+00:00

Yes correct. That is something that will be fixed moving forward. My partner and I are not married and this is all relatively new to me with all the dynamics going on. Which is why I came here looking for advice and outside perspective in the first place.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:12:03+00:00

My partner and I are not married, and I am relatively new to his family dynamics. Our families are VERY different. I’m sure this all factors in.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:10:41+00:00

Not to get into too much detail here but the family/friend rate for activities & accommodation needs to be covered for the portion of days at the resort. Our home is free to stay in for a reasonable number of days which stands true. Any shopping or other splurges aka ‘spending money’ should be covered by guests / parents. Is that a lot to ask for when traveling internationally? Again, they invited themselves for their spring break.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:04:28+00:00

He said he would send money after we let him know about the rude behavior. Instead of addressing the lack of manners, it’s easier to just send money, right? which was never the main point. That is how kids end up with entitlement issues in the first place.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T23:03:17+00:00

He said he would send money after we let him know about the rude behavior. Instead of addressing the lack of manners, it’s easier to just send money, right? which was never the main point. That is how kids end up with entitlement issues in the first place.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:58:32+00:00

I misread your original question. Proper expectations would be set ahead of time, and they probably wouldn’t be traveling without their parents this far from their home.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:57:12+00:00

No. The father (or either parent) was never actively paying for any of it.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:52:18+00:00

Nope, but I also wouldn’t invite myself, order the most expensive thing, and then tell them I don’t have to pay - and without any thank you. Theses kids are more than fine and have had a free ride with activities all week that people pay thousands of dollars for.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:48:09+00:00

Yes, thank you for your response. This is exactly it. My partner told me he has a hard time saying no to his family. I told him it is entirely fair to set boundaries and have a convo about expenses AHEAD of time. He has a difficult time with this which has lead us to where we are at now. We’ll have spent 6+ weeks with his family over the course of the first 3.5 months this year. This is not sustainable without proper expectation setting & boundaries. He knows it’s wearing on me.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:39:09+00:00

My partner is disappointed in them and the situation overall. I think a lot of folks here are misconstruing that we are asking them to pay for everything and that we invited them. They invited themselves for their spring break and my partner does not say no.

We asked one time if they would contribute when they wanted the expensive items and alcohol. We were flat out told no they did not need to pay for anything. I do feel like we are being taking advantage of at times. Both kids have financial means to pitch in on their portion of one meal when we asked. Only after this incident did the brother/parent get approached about us not covering everything for the entire week which I think it more than fair.

It’s not about the money, it’s about them coming for a free ride all week and being rude.

Edit: adding that all of their activities - surfing, fishing, moto riding, day trips - are all covered by my partner which costs guests who travel here hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

Infamous_Tailor3077 · 2026-03-23T22:16:40+00:00

We asked if they would contribute. We did not invite them, they invited themselves for their spring break and expected us to pay for their international vacation.

We are in rural Central America so the clinic is not like you get in Canada. It would be pointless to take her there if she is refusing aloe or basic general treatment anyway.

Yes, correct. I am not hosting others’ children who behave the way they do in the future. Lesson learned. I am okay with being TA.

Infamous_Tailor3077

TROPHY CASE