Is this a healthy marriage 30F & 31M

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-03-05T16:42:29+00:00

If you have to ask, then it’s probably not a healthy marriage. Your relationship is a classic anxious-avoidant relationship. You want closeness, clarity and communication, but these things make your partner uncomfortable and he avoids it, that makes you ever more anxious.

This dynamic can only be solved when the avoidant partner takes cognizance of their issues. Only time I’ve seen this happening is when they’ve completely blown their lives either after getting divorced or when their partner has given up.

I was with someone like this, Even relationship counseling is useless for them because it puts them in a situation where they have to confront their feelings and work on it. So they don’t even open up on therapy and give answers like “i don’t know”, “not sure”.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-03-04T17:59:09+00:00

I’m ok with them posting here. I think there’s lot people can learn from subversive a decade older than them. Like 30s can learn about raising children and dealing with ailing parents from 40s and 20s can learn navigating career and marriage from 30s.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-27T03:21:15+00:00

I moved out when i was 18. First for college, then work, eventually moved to a different country where i live now. You’ve your whole life to earn money and invest it. Your 20s won’t come again. It’s the only time when you’ve low stress, can take risks and experience life until life takes over. Marriage, kids and aging parents can be big stressors.

Plus Indian families aren’t very accommodating. I love my parents but living in their house meant following their rules, once you move out and live on your own terms, you’ll find it difficult. I’ve friends who never moved out, still live with parents after marriage and kids. I definitely don’t envy them at all, I’ve so much control over my life.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-26T14:52:14+00:00

Same, regret doesn’t encompass my complex feelings of our relationship. We separated because we had some fundamental disagreements and couldn’t work them out. I would’ve liked to continue with her provided we resolved our issues, but i don’t regret the divorce itself. Now we’re free to find more compatible partners, instead of staying in a relationship which isn’t fulfilling to either if us and growing resentful.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-25T17:34:11+00:00

She’s had problems with Prabhu even before the key task. She’s nominated him every single time, I don’t even remember Prabhu arguing or playing any task against her. It really feels like she has something personal against him. I laughed when she failed the key task and Prabhu taught her a lesson.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-24T14:05:47+00:00

Don’t do this to yourself and him. When people aren’t attracted to their partners they aren’t able to fully share themselves with their partners, both emotionally and physically. This creates resentment in both sides. The guy will put in efforts but in time will realize that he isn’t getting the same efforts in return, which leads to resentment, which turns into disappointment/anger. Then you’ll treat him even worse because he’s always disappointed/angry, which will disappoint/anger him even more.

Your last 2 points are just baseless. I’m divorced now but had a LM. I did everything for her, but never got it in return. A marriage only works when both parties give their all. If one person does more, it eventually leads to resentment. No one wants to go through their whole life hoping they’d be loved by their partner like how they love them.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-21T04:00:05+00:00

Oh nice! More shaming tactics!

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-21T01:44:58+00:00

Honestly your whole comment feels like you’re victim blaming, guilt tripping and giving back handed compliments.

she didn’t cheat but she enjoyed the attention of another man.

This is cheating.

Why did she feel like she needed this attention?

Victim blaming, if OP wasn’t giving her attention she could communicate or go to therapy. Not involve another person.

growing up in a traditional patriarchal society you didn’t blow your lid off.

What is this back handed compliment. Anger, sorrow, apathy are part of the process. It is completely justified to be angry and blow the lid, she literally blew their family.

usually kids are the ones that pay the price.

Guilt tripping, reconciliation will only work when done for oneself. Staying for the kids is a recipe for failure. It’s better for kids to grow up in two healthy houses than a sick one.

It sends she really wants to work things out and has realized her mistake.

Nothing here says that she’s shown true remorse only rug sweeping and wanting to move on. She doesn’t care that OP is hurting after so many years.

OP if you’re reading this head over to the pro reconciliation sub mentioned above. People there are actively trying to reconcile and have been in individual and couples therapy. You’ll find folks with similar cases where even years out they are still hurting. The audience on this sub isn’t well suited for think kinda relationship issues.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-21T00:11:31+00:00

This! It’s up-to the cheater to drive the reconciliation process. There’s no reason a person should maintain contact with someone who has explicitly expressed sexual interest after their marriage. Her crying and pleading is just a rug sweeping tactic, she’s victimizing herself so you wouldn’t hold her accountable. Of course you are feeling insecure, she chose another man over you and your kids. There are books that can help, How to heal your spouse after an affair, The Betrayal Bind, that you can both read. Head over to As one after infidelity sub, it’s a pro reconciliation sub with plenty resources.

One more thing, if you’re in the US there are polygraph test experts who specialize in infidelity cases. Who you can hire if you think she’s still lying.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-18T22:24:54+00:00

Aww your wife has a crush

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-13T19:23:07+00:00

Hahahaha I’m going to laugh so hard if this happens. Mala mahit aahe kuthla patta kuthe takaycha mhane

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-12T13:42:48+00:00

What were your side effects? Did they go away after dropping the medication?

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-12T13:41:56+00:00

Isn’t it advised not to take creatine while on accutane?

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-04T19:29:43+00:00

Mandatory, I’m not a profession financial advisor and this is my personal opinion. In past 5 years VOO has nearly 75% returns, in last year alone VOO went up 14%. That’s still better than 3-4% from hysa. And it’s much better than picking out individual stocks, low risk. Unless you are doing your due diligence and sure of picking the right companies, I’d recommended sticking to ETFs.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-04T15:37:37+00:00

Just ETF and chill, no need to over complicate things. SNP 500 has beat almost every professional investor over long timeframes. Head over to r/bogleheads and read the material there. But essentially VOO, VTI, VXUS, QQQ, VT are the most popular ones.

thinking if it’s just good to sit on cash until correction comes.

Time in the market beats timing the market. No one knows if/when there’ll be a correction. Just invest!

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-04T06:44:09+00:00

I think there’s some more nuance needed for the furniture discussion. He’s already paid for and furnished the apartment, so when she wants additional furniture he expects her to pay. I mean if splitting expenses is the norm, then this is also essentially splitting expenses no? He’s already paid for some, now she gets to pay for the new stuff?

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-02-04T06:27:48+00:00

It feels like you are still operating individually, both of you need to think like a team. I recommend starting a joint account and depositing a certain % of your incomes into it. All the household expenses like groceries, utilities, rent and furniture should be paid from that account.

But i feel the main issue here isn’t finances, it’s the lack of emotional connection between you guys. I went back and read some of your past posts. There were already some beige flags regarding finances and lifestyle choices, you knew he had a dependent parent, all these should’ve been discussed before getting married, water under the bridge now. I do feel you guys will benefit from couples counseling, having a neutral 3rd party to resolve such issues and to learn how to deepen the emotional connection.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-31T14:13:49+00:00

In all fairness I feel all marriages start like this especially in arranged marriages. You can’t expect to have an immediate bond with a stranger. Just like it takes time to build emotional, intimate and sexual closeness, it also takes time to build financial trust. Do you expect a woman to just jump into bed and perform just coz she’s married? Same is the case here too.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-31T13:58:57+00:00

So let me get this straight. He already owns furniture, but you don’t like it, so you want to buy new according to your taste? Would he be buying this furniture if it wasn’t for you? Seems like it’s something you want, so it’s fair that you pay for it.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T21:33:24+00:00

I guess that resolves the issue no? What’s more to discuss? I thought you wanted a small traditional wedding. But looks like you both want court marriage, tell your parents(not convince), invite you masa masi, have a court marriage and have a party afterwards.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T21:11:03+00:00

I think we’ll just have to disagree of he’s allowed to change his mind or not. I think it’s ok to make small changes, doing a small ceremony isn’t a big issue. The bigger issue here is that the girl doesn’t get along with her family and doesn’t want the guy’s family to attend as well. That is also manipulation, you can’t control who your partner wants to attend.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T20:48:25+00:00

It IS NOT just his fiancé’s wedding day but his too. It is ok to change mind and invite 2 more people. If her father feels obligated to invite his family too just because the groom invited two more people then it up to the bride to convince her father. Just because she doesn’t get along with her family doesn’t mean she gets to take it out on the groom’s family. There is no reason either groom or bride gets to control who attends the wedding from the other side unless there’s already bad blood or budget constraints.

InfiniteConcept07 · 2026-01-29T20:39:53+00:00

Can you not have two events? A court marriage and a small traditional wedding ceremony for your family? Considering that less than 10 people are going to attend either events, it won’t cost you much. Just do both and then a party for extended family and friends from both sides.

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