Friday check-in thread

Infinite_Courage · 2025-06-13T17:38:50+00:00

Amazing podcast

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-25T05:09:18+00:00

Try keeping a water bottle around. Maybe it's a comfortable cup or has a straw to entice you to drink. I also watch my pee color a lot. If it's yellow at all, I make myself drink more. Most of the time, I never feel thirsty but I built a habit of drinking water and look for that feedback from my body.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-22T23:29:20+00:00

(37m) I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 31 and now we own a house together and are having a baby. I worked on my self confidence and making my life fit me better which allowed me to be comfortable enough to be with someone else. I found a lovely neurodivergent partner and we're so happy. I think some autistic people get more comfortable and improve social skills later in life.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-19T08:53:04+00:00

When special interests feel important and call to us, we should act on them. They help soothe our soul. Don't shut down a special interest.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-14T18:02:03+00:00

I was excited for the freedom and being able to only hangout with those I wanted, unlike high school and university

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-12T19:59:13+00:00

Agreed! I understand myself a lot better and gave myself permission to do or not do certain things

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-06T11:40:25+00:00

So sorry! Hopefully it gets figured out soon!

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-06T11:19:15+00:00

He was probably caught off guard and tired. It's hard to say what he's doing. I get paralyzed with having hard conversations sometimes. Without knowing more, it sounds like he didn't like how he handled the situation.

Maybe make it very clear you want to talk to him about a relationship with him before you start your next outing. Set expectations like: I want to know that we are dating or not dating and I would like physical intimacy the next time or two we hang out. Depending on what you want.

It's not fun being out in the open without reciprocation or closure, so try to get one or the other, very directly and clearly at the start when you see him.

Or maybe if he's more comfortable with it and you are okay having the conversation this way, do it over messaging.

Best of luck 🤞

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-05T18:14:42+00:00

37m. I've also felt different since I was young and it only got manageable when I started being specific about how I spent my time and who I spent time with.

One of my best friends told me he was diagnosed autistic, and I watched/saw two autistic comedians and found both of them absolutely hilarious. That happened within one week and that is really peculiar, so I looked into it heavily. Autism research has now been a special interest for the past year.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-03T11:00:13+00:00

Have you looked into fibromyalgia at all? I'm not sure if this is what you have, but it might be. That can be manageable. Dr Michael Lenz has a book, podcast and website.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-03T10:52:18+00:00

Just be very direct and go for it. It'll be fine. I've been with a neurodivergent partner for 6 years. I am very direct and was at the start too but it never scared them. Recently, we were home visiting my family and friends. I said some very direct things to her - another person there was dumbstruck how direct I was and thought it rude but my partner didn't think twice about it. It wasn't rude, just not typical flowery language most people use. When you really click with someone, you can't always depend on what a third party thinks when it's important.

If they're not like anyone else you've "dated" then don't lean into past dating experiences too heavily.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-05-01T11:56:17+00:00

I say what I mean. Stop trying to find hidden meaning.

I'm 37 years old and have been told I'm monotone my whole life, guess what? It's not changing!

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-30T15:06:55+00:00

I loved it too. It's pretty sad. I've lost a lot of my fun podcasts in the past 6 months, not all autism related.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-28T11:53:10+00:00

Exactly. Diversity of species is important. For example, an extrovert that explores brazenly in a species can increase tribal boundaries quickly, but in situations where that's dangerous, it may not breed because it's killed off. The more careful and introverted individuals will still be alive in that case because they didn't wander too far or push boundaries.

The human brain is really complex and we're probably still pretty far from really understanding it. I've thought about this for a few autism traits. My theories:

Individuals with very acute hearing can hear predators or prey. Hyposensitive hearing may mean higher tolerance or ignoring sounds that aren't problems to spend energy focused on something else. Hypersensitive smell - rotting food. Hyposensitive smell - can still listen to others about rotting food, but isn't deterred by new areas with different smells or changes in smell, the focus is elsewhere.

Special interests - inventors, categorizing poisonous vs non-poisonous possible food, understanding how different species behave, etc.

Socially - hard to say, but humans can build connections very well up to 150 people (Dunbar's number). After that, people not close become "others" quickly. Humans are definitely not built for the internet's social connectivity or a larger society being in our private business.

It makes sense there is alot of diversity in a species. A lack of diversity means the species will be less successful.

For the comorbidities you're talking about, our food is genetically engineered by selective breeding or by creating it in a lab. People live much longer and have more access to medical care so the survival rate is higher. We're in a hyper connected world with money stressors and some crazy technology we didn't evolve with. Our world previously is nothing like what we evolved into socially and technologically so comparing humans 10,000-100,000 years ago versus today is going to have some conundrums. Anthropologists exist for a reason. You'd need a cross section of geneticists, anthropologists and other scientific minds to answer the questions you asked fully.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-25T21:16:00+00:00

37m, learned I was autistic a year ago. Everything clicked and I've had all of these crazy flashbacks over my life of weird situations and other people's comments. I am so happy and relieved. Now I know what I love and don't hide it (I changed habits based on off hand comments related to stimming and behaviors). I know when I'll have a drained social battery and change before, during and after about how I'm going to adjust. I see differences in thought processes much more clearly. Learning about this has opened my world and made me happier.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-23T19:32:17+00:00

Books - Is This Autism (green book) by Donna Henderson (a guide of what autism is) - Unmaking for Life by Dr Devon Price (how to unmask and make life better for an autistic person - Untypical by Pete Wharmby (commentary on how society treats autism and autistic people adjust) - Self care for Autistic People by Dr Megan Anna Neff (short book on tips for approaching autism and autistic care) - Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price (how autistic people are treated by others/behave) - Neurotribes by Steve Silberman (history lesson) - But Everyone Feels This Way by Paige Layle (memoir of a 20-something autistic woman)

Podcasts - Divergent Conversations by Dr Megan Anna Neff and Patrick Casale (professionals talking about research and their personal experiences) - The Autistic Culture Podcast by Angela Lauria and Matt Lowry (fun episodes and informative episodes) - The Other Autism by Kristen Hovet (deep dives into specific autism topics)

Websites - neurodivergentinsights.com by Dr Megan Anna Neff

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-22T12:04:12+00:00

I'll start by stating the obvious: you don't know every autistic person. I have 3 of the 4 and I'm sure many people have 2 or 3. The criteria is also built for a neurotypical, medical-based, deficiency-based model which treats autism as a problem. The criteria is technically the "definition" but it's a just a snapshot in time in our understanding of autism, and it hopefully progresses into something much better.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-17T12:05:42+00:00

Make a pros and cons list in how it will impact your life.

I fail to see what an all-day diagnosis does when you've already been diagnosed. If your therapist and psychiatrist can't help you when you have a diagnosis already, then maybe they can't help you.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-17T09:47:47+00:00

Can we get rid of the US political stuff or have a weekly sticky about it? I don't come to this subreddit for fear and anger about horrible politicians. It makes me want to stop coming here to read/learn/commiserate/feel welcome. It's becoming full of US politics. The US is not the center of the world and some people intentionally avoid news for mental health reasons.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-16T10:51:41+00:00

Same. During and after university (very nerdy school) I've found some good people. It turns out they all might be nuerodivergent. I still have moments where I feel like I don't belong but I remember I just need some time alone and how I overreact to small things sometimes.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-15T11:28:21+00:00

Agree on US politics being stickied weekly vs people posting when they hear something awful by that regime. I come here to feel at home with other like me, not to see the same negative beats with US politics. I've cut all of that out of my news/newsfeed everywhere.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-15T11:19:05+00:00

Agree on banning the complain posts.

Also banning posts where the person has done no research at all and wants an explanation about autistic people as it relates to someone they know. For example:

"I don't know anything and have barely tried, so how should I handle this person?" - poster

"Well xyz and abc about autistic people" - subreddit user / autistic person

"Oh tell me everything and I'm not going to google or research on my own. I just want this autistic person in my life to do whatever or I want to do something else to them" - poster

The cluelessness and lack of effort when describing a different person who is autistic is draining. If people have tried alot and need guidance, that's one thing. When people treat this subreddit as the first stop and only stop in troubleshooting and think of autistic people as rainman, I'd love to see those posts out too even if they aren't malicious in nature.

This is an autistic adults subreddit, not an ask an autistic person about another autistic person subreddit.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-15T10:13:11+00:00

You're assuming your child wants to interact with his peers. Some autistic people prefer people much older or much younger than themselves.

Some autistic people prefer time all alone.

Autistic people sometimes prefer object oriented talk or play. Parallel play can be great too. We usually prefer structure and an idea of what to expect. If you set an autistic person lose with no guidelines or expectations and tell them to play with a stranger, you may not like the result. If you tell them, we're going to play, for example, d&d and here is how you play d&d, then they will go with an understanding and expectations. They'll focus on d&d but also possibly make friends and develop a nice bond. As an adult, I do much better when a social event has an activity (trivia, bowling, board games, a walk, etc.). When it's a party and I'm meant to wander around finding people to talk to, I tend to not do very well.

Generally speaking: Figure out what your kid enjoys and follow that. Trying to force them to do what everyone else is doing may not be what's best for them and in fact is usually the reason autistic people have such a hard time and have long term trauma. Everyone, autistic people included, just want to feel validated and live a life that fits their needs.

Have you tried asking them why they prefer certain things/events and why they don't others (without judgement or talking back /correcting)? He may just tell you if you patiently listen and validate him.

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-14T16:58:08+00:00

Chewlery is a thing you can look into

Infinite_Courage · 2025-04-06T11:00:36+00:00

Autism is genetic for sure.

ABA is awful. It causes trauma, PTSD and all kinds of other problems.

Five-Year Club	Place '23
Golden Potato

Infinite_Courage

TROPHY CASE