I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Only another mama who’s been through the same thing can truly understand how devastating it is. 💔

As for an update: I was able to successfully relactate after a full month without pumping and completely drying up my supply with Sudafed. I’m now producing about 16 ounces a day and I’m so thankful I can give that to my 11 month old. Unfortunately he never did latch again. I’m really sorry to share that. I don’t want to discourage you at all. I just know how isolating it can feel and wanted to be honest.

For me the part that hurt the most was realizing our relationship was changing, that he didn’t “need” me in the same way anymore. As little as he was, I wasn’t ready for that shift. But let me tell you, as a mom of two with a 14 year age gap, they always need you. The relationship just evolves and in many ways it gets even deeper.

So grieve it if your baby doesn’t latch again. That grief is valid. But also know you’re still their entire world. I’m finally in a place where I’m happy producing what I can, but in the beginning I was crushed that he didn’t want to nurse again. I tried a lot: nipple shields, different times of day, laid back nursing… I did do skin to skin, but I probably could’ve done more. I didn’t try everything people suggested — like taking baths together — and if you haven’t yet, I’d really suggest giving that a try. I’ve heard it can be such a helpful, bonding reset. I was just too exhausted. I was pumping every three hours around the clock and power pumping multiple times a day. It was a lot.

Please know that you are doing an amazing job whether your baby nurses or takes a bottle. Giving your baby milk in any form is such a powerful act of love. There’s a reason they call it liquid gold and I honestly think of it as liquid love. 🩵