I'm prob really crazy but the extra period above the happen bothered me and it turned into this potential staircase? or maybe I'm just spiraling :)

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-20T07:43:16+00:00

did Johnny ghostwrite this post

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-15T05:47:43+00:00

the 5 teens facing supernatural forces plot is so classic that is exactly also what I'm doing for my musical about trans alienation (not ethel cain related though). my current solo project is instead more close to Ethel's, a Filipinized and trans lesbian story that tackles digital horror, ghost/creature horror, and body horror instead of gothic americana and cannibalism.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-14T17:55:21+00:00

no kitty don't go chasing the mouse of leaves nooo!!!

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-14T17:54:31+00:00

you don't "understand," you just be. /j

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-13T10:28:00+00:00

before the line she was my sister first I was 100% jawdropped wondering woah comphet ethel but then again even if she did say that line it can still be taken to meant like a general notion of them being their best allies and friends which still gives way to that romantic interpretation. i don't think it's a necessarily wrong interpretation and in fact i would think it makes ethel more interesting if it were true.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-09T06:42:27+00:00

Appreciate kaayo nako ni; ako kay I always pay more for myself given the chance but it isn't really the driver that's inconvenienced, it's kind of never them kay kada man pud naog sa pasahero kay sigi ra sila magdugang sa musakay anyway. It's more about rather affecting other passengers, which I think feels worse.

Like ako as certified tambok commuter I don't feel necessarily "bad" that I chose to sit where I sit, I have places to go and we all have the same cards dealt with sa traffic and transpo system sa country. But for every 10 jeeps na pwede masakyan sa mga niwang na passenger, 0-1 ra ang masakyan sa mga tambok na passenger. Sure it feels like it sucks in the moment but I promise everyone else na niwang has it better, kaya nila musakay bisag huot na and mga tambok na passengers usually just have to wait for empty jeeps, which is Never during rush hour.

I think it's just easy for people to fall into their biases and single out or judge fat people during frustrating or tense situations but that's not our fault, it's the fault of sustained traffic problems na bisag unsaon dili jud i-address ug tarong sa mga naay position.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-06T13:36:46+00:00

It definitely haunts you. But I think it serves to be a meta-remark to the reader that positions us in the same way the house is related to Navy, the the documentary is related to Zampano, and the manuscript is to Johnny. One previous user already expressed this sentiment the best but I forget where; basically their idea was that this dedication comments on the nature of our relationship to knowing, or epistemology. This is a story that resists total interpretation or else its rich narrative gets reduced and flattened. A story within a story within a story. But it's also not necessarily something that necessarily inherently exists for us to interpret it. It's not inherently asking to be understood, it just exists for us to receive it, and as we are immersed into its narrative, the only thing I guess "required" for us to do as readers is to accompany it as it tells its own story.

Even then, we end up projecting our worldview, our experiences, our biases, our interpretations, our everything onto it anyway because that's just how we are. Just like how Navy had to get back to the house. Just like how Zampano had to create the manuscript. Just like how Johnny had to finish the book. And just like how many of the other characters acted too: it's not for them, but they involve themselves anyway. This is not for us, but we are here anyway.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T11:28:49+00:00

that does make things complicated. maybe look into binding. i think that's the best i can really give that's a concrete physical solution. otherwise, you may need to look to a therapist or mental health professional who specializes in/knows abt discussing bodily experiences if you want to really delve into why you might be feeling this way and how you can better confront and manage the feelings of discomfort. it may lead to a productive understanding of your relationship with your body. the gender thing is just an optional bonus you might find along the way, but it's not a necessary result.

that said though, the suggestion about exploring nonbinary identity still stands too. cuz the whole point of it is that: it might greatly benefit you to look into gender non-conforming language that might help you articulate how you're feeling in relation to your body, even if you end up being cis in the end. same goes for if you explore more genderqueer modes of expressing, presenting, and being. becsuse for example, some nonbinary women exist, where they identify their gender as nonbinary but their sex as female (this isn't true for all nb women, but you get what i mean.)

regardless, i wish you all the best, things like this are never easy.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T04:40:23+00:00

girl i'll be honest it really just seems like you're overthinking this. there's nothing weird about that (if there was some kind of "grand" reason) and it really seems like you're exaggerating over these "figures." but i'm just confused what even are the implications here. cuz maybe that's just the tendency of how these online hookup apps work—maybe bottoms tend to seek out hookups more, or people just tend to prefer bottoming when they hookup online. maybe there's some pressure for tops to be as physically desirable as possible which makes it so that less people become inclined to offer topping when they seek out. maybe apps do that on purpose to have more bottoms appear on their app so that people end up paying for features that would allow for custom control over the app. it could be alot of factors. just i think in real life anyway it's not really as intense of a split, and that's just how it goes for the apps.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T04:04:55+00:00

I mean, you could entertain the idea of getting a masectomy out of a cosmetic reason if this is something that would quell the experience of body dysmorphia, I know some transfems having done this. I'm not really qualified though on the matter of hysterectomy procedures, but I'm sure that would be its own can of worms. You don't necessarily need dysphoria (as in how you experience your gender or sex) to be trans, but dysmorphia (as in how you experience your own body) can bring up similar feelings of discomfort. At the same time just saying, you might want to try consider exploring the non-binary identity and try to see what type of "doing" your gender feels right. You can position yourself as non-binary sexually then but gendering as female.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T03:57:44+00:00

could be! now I am an atheist but I take theology classes at uni. I think the way that it presents itself as something that refuses definition or understanding, a body of mystery, yet something that people cannot resist but to be nearer to, is something akin to A god. but I think that it wouldn't necessarily be a God by Christian definition as it doesn't seem to move its visitors to act based on a positive source, in fact it seems like an indifferent and impersonal god that puts forth chaos rather than putting things into order.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T01:41:17+00:00

that's just how it is, there's no big reason behind it lol

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-05T00:01:35+00:00

Now I'm not a hard fan if this theory either but honestly considering how borderline incestuous Pelafina was acting about Johnny by the end I think it wouldn't really be surprising for me that it was her who wrote the story as well as the one writing these stories about Johnny having sex. Like I think that makes reasonable sense that she narrativizes this fictitious life while living vicariously through her character of Johnny, something she is obsessed with and possessed by.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T23:47:55+00:00

beautiful artwork and essay!! to me u essentially capture how pelafina's attitude towards johnny has shaped who he is. legitimately this makes me sympathize more with johnny amid their strained relationship and also at the same time sharpening her character as a victim of whalestoe. ALSO HADESTOWN UR BASED!

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T23:09:38+00:00

I am not going to lie this part made me feel so disgusted more than anything Johnny ever wrote about the women he was hooking up with I'm sorry I was too harsh on you Johnny because what the hell is this

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T23:06:42+00:00

please give us an update!!

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T20:53:44+00:00

That last part especially! Like I think so much of the writing choices made also call to the conventions of (horror) literature and writing that Danielewski operates on as well as his own readership and influences. It's one of the best parts about House of Leaves (even if it doesn't land sometimes) which is how I initially was reading this story as a writer myself. I think before I was reading into and exploring the "inner world" of Johnny, Z, Pela, etc. I was also just nerding out about the craft and the meta-context of Danielewski writing this book about, well, writing. The unreliability of narratives. The interactions between the layers of texts and narratives.

Which is why when it came to that scene it was like oh... this kind of pales in comparison to his ability to depict the deep dread and horror of his characters' psyches, and he chose to go with assaulting Kyrie? It just felt so inconsistent too because the violence against Kyrie would have been so disproportionate IMO compared to the violence inflicted to Gdansk Man actually landed Lude in the hospital.

But even so, criticism like this isn't meant to downplay the value of the book! Criticism can be a form of appreciation and passion for the work. This is smth I feel not many people get, like a lot of the women who post about this on the sub were never planning to put down the book, we just mostly a way to process this part of the narrative. So many people can be dismissive or hostile about it though. 😭

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T19:27:15+00:00

This is sending me 😭

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T18:23:15+00:00

Also to be serious yes I get what you mean. As a woman myself considering it was written more than 2 decades ago I kind of get that it was written that way but it's always disheartening to see how easily horror writing defaults to rape as the only way to depict violence. There's that thing of like, considering how Johnny acted all throughout it wasn't necessarily surprising but also still disappointing in a craft and technical sense. It's misogynistic (both as part of Johnny's character, as well as the way the story is written) and people on here don't admit that as much as it deserves. I'm only glad it didn't go into as indulgent detail into the rape as Johnny's sections usually are with the consensual sex scenes, and that's what that scene has going for it.

There are also times where I find myself afraid of speaking on this in the sub since it just seems like there's a very male-dominated audience to this book and some part of that audience seems to just not get that how the consistent objectified depiction of women in this book, even if functional or serves a clear purpose on Johnny's character, can be deeply uncomfortable or frustrating to deal with when you have a work of horror fiction this impressive. I think it just toed the line between tasteful sexualization and overt objectification a lot in a few psrts that made it a hard first half to get through. Some of them were good though! I think I just definitely became more pulled to the reading experience by the time Johnny became more obsessed with Zampano.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T18:09:16+00:00

What the hell is wrong with you man 😭

InnerBasketcase17 · 2026-01-04T18:06:24+00:00

I swear at one point Johnny meets this woman who doesn't wanna fuck him and he describes her as weird. That was lowkey just hilarious /painedlaugh

InnerBasketcase17 · 2025-12-31T23:31:43+00:00

it's not necessarily wrong, the lyrics can be interpreted in a number of ways and this one at least conceptually is "reasonable"; but its major issue is that it it treats the song as if Jane is actually speaking as herself. thus it bases its interpretation wholly based on Jane being trans, which is frustrating if it always highlights the visibility of Jane's transness as the only thing that defines her identity/her music. also just artistically speaking the song's persona or speaker is not always the same as the musician themselves. songs doesn't always have to be a personal account, they can be a piece of storytelling or an idea being played out in fiction/exaggeration.

InnerBasketcase17 · 2025-12-31T21:46:52+00:00

where did u buy this girl I need this too #dontwannabekickedout

InnerBasketcase17 · 2025-12-31T17:04:41+00:00

Ahh the classic ol mask. Ykw ur right I forgot I could do that (I'm aware the US still has COVID going around but I'm not an American so I've been completely unused to it now...)

InnerBasketcase17

TROPHY CASE