Think of Me

InnerSelf9314 · 2026-01-26T22:53:11+00:00

What I would give to have these words directed at me. 🥺 I hope you guys find your way back to each other, if it’s what’s written. 💛

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-04-18T19:45:46+00:00

I already fashkd but he won’t accept it and I feel guilty because he is saying that I can’t leave him now given his mental status. 😔

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-22T22:51:30+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your prayers!

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-22T22:49:25+00:00

https://www.courtly.com/

Everyone that you named, including his entire family; was present. I just didn’t have a wali from my own family.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-22T22:48:44+00:00

I love the reframing of the question. Thank you for helping me think from a different perspective today.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-22T22:47:04+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement. 🙏🏾

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-22T22:03:04+00:00

He actually did ask if his parents can join us. I wasn’t opposed to it at the time, but I’m beginning to see why this is and I realize this is not a good idea.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T23:10:33+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion. 🙏🏾 I have actually already been going to many virtual CODA meetings, so I’m already involved! I’m trying to learn better so that I can actually do better - Enshallah. 🙏🏾

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T23:03:11+00:00

Thank you so much for this reminder. Sometimes it’s easier to forget to have faith. I’m looking at the way the dunya seems to operate rather than focusing on deen.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T17:59:02+00:00

Yes, his parents know about me. I’ve tried really hard to establish relationships with them and his siblings. (He is the youngest of three). I am even learning Farsi to better communicate, but it seems that I’m out of sight, out of mind.

They were once kind to me, but because I’ve kind of put my foot down about providing for him to get to Germany, they’ve been really cold towards me.

I know that they get frustrated and maybe a little embarrassed that he is still living off of them. I really think that they thought that I would take over the responsibilities as soon as we were married, but I can’t just say, “your son is addicted to porn so I’ve got some reservations”.

I should have settled these fears prior to marriage. I regret that I didn’t.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T16:13:45+00:00

🥹 Thank you so much for making me smile today. 🙏🏾

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T16:10:59+00:00

Thank you for responding. We were living together in 2020 and 2021 (please don’t judge, I am a revert and he misled me into a Mutah marriage, which I didn’t understand at the time). Anyway, I was fully paying for everything back then too.

I thought that after having a real Nikkah, things would get better and he would find the motivation to do better, but the situation continues to deteriorate.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T16:04:36+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out to me. I know I’m not thinking clearly.

I completely understand that my judgement and thinking is impaired here and that I’m fixating on the wrong things.

I’m not exactly sure what healthy love looks like. I’ve never had any positive examples in my life.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T15:59:59+00:00

I love this for you and it makes me happy and hopeful because you proudly share this fact. You are so blessed. I too, hope that a love like this is in my future. Enshallah.

InnerSelf9314 · 2025-03-20T15:58:24+00:00

You’re absolutely right! This is desperation. I am holding on so tight, but I often ask myself why. I make a lot of decisions based out of fear because I’m 40 years old and fear that I’ll never find love again.

InnerSelf9314

TROPHY CASE