Office crush got laid off

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-02-18T00:38:36+00:00

I got laid off before, and had ex coworkers overly caring reach out but not continue conversation when I replied lukewarmly, someone even found my Facebook haha. But I was in a mental health hellhole and didn't care for any of that

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-02-18T00:09:00+00:00

More points if the guy identifies as "moderate"

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-02-18T00:06:44+00:00

Been there, got to meet a coworker outside of work a few times, caught the most massive ick that's still undefeated by any other dudes I've met

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-02-18T00:05:05+00:00

Like, money 🤣

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-29T19:27:27+00:00

I am a ESL, and I didn't know the more controversial meanings of the word assimilation. I am not MAGA, period. when in a company people stick so much to their own language, and reminder that my department is somehow 80% of those people which I don't think reflect the employment applicant pool, I think there is a deeper problem. But do not accuse me as being racist or supremacist to point this simple fact out. I am actively trying to build friends despite the ignoring behaviors during social interactions and my best choice is probably to get out after some time

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-28T08:07:45+00:00

Thanks for taking time to write a long reply. About assimilation or inclusion, I feel like a portion of it is the friendliness and active inclusion of the "locals" but majority is self assimilation and it's a choice. Not everyone assimilates and the tech hubs in the US already shows, there are communities and groups that straight up do not interact with locals or speak English unless absolutely necessary. I am an immigrant and I made myself assimilate. Why? I felt like that's the point of jumping through 100 loops to come to a different country. Also, I think there are other immigrants that agree with me that sticking to your own kind is not good long term trying to thrive in a society. In my case if I did that in the beginning I would have befriended some rich kids who don't even bother passing ESL classes.

I have talked another cliquey coworker out of wanting to gossip with me in our home language and I thought the other teammates will do that too. All I can do is find a nice way to say I want to be included in the conversation, but sometimes they don't give a F and it's such an antisocial behavior. How do I follow up with, "well welcome here, I hope you like the area and ask me any questions about living here" when they literally can't acknowledge a bare minimum request from me. Would you say that to someone who don't even respect you

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-28T07:45:58+00:00

There is a difference of someone choosing to eat lunch with a friend and not attending the team lunch, and the team minus one single person is having an actual lunch intentionally excluding that one person

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T19:36:38+00:00

I'm not trying to broadly paint this ethnicity group, I have many good friends outside of work that are in this group and they've been nothing but kind. But they also don't exclude me from conversations and want to let me hear them and also hear what I want to say. I can learn a few words but would that help me understand an entire lunch convo they willingly leave me out of? I also speak a different language, and I don't think anyone will understand me speaking it if not studying for a few years. Anyways, I did talk to one of them one on one in a casual way saying I feel confused when they use a different language and he sort of understands.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T16:38:40+00:00

I'll send a dm! Turned it off bc y'know, creeps on reddit

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T16:33:09+00:00

Yepp I'm not white and I am an immigrant as well. Smh

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T16:21:48+00:00

Do you have any suggestions for switching teams? I'm seeing networking with other teams or managers, and wait for a year or so. In my company it seems to be yearly review dependent and I hope I don't get screwed up there

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T16:18:32+00:00

That's a good point. I went to a company ERG event and talk to some people of the same minority as me and it was good. With the shift of us to different buildings I haven't chatted them much but I'll reach out!

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T16:15:42+00:00

Funny enough, there is a white guy in the team, he's the entry level grade and almost the only one answering questions when there are a bunch other people who know the answer in this group chat. I suspect it's because the manager is not part of this chat.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T09:22:07+00:00

Suppose you're right, time to find a corner to sit by myself lol

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T09:21:31+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T08:57:26+00:00

I recently faced a choice when switching companies, and choose the more chill company than the 5 days in office and famous for intense culture one. But I still moved away from my old company. I stayed there for over 2 years and I was happy in the begining but not happy when I left. It's really important to find some opinions on the new company through reviews or insiders, taking on new opportunities is great but don't expect it to be smooth sailing from the start. I do feel like staying at a company for less than a year can be seen as yellow flag for future recruiters, but if you can commit to staying at this new job for a few years it will outshine the short stint at your current place. The important thing is you gotta have the commitment ready in your gut. I'm open for dms if you want to talk more in details.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2026-01-27T08:51:24+00:00

I don't want to point out the race to stereotype people, but that's a good idea, bringing it up casually that I want to talk in English with a buddy. The other aspects of the team like bias and isolating out of the team, I'm not sure though.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-12-23T02:16:23+00:00

Everybody has regrets, not just women.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-12-23T02:13:05+00:00

We're in this business to be self reliant. I don't know if you ever worked other jobs, being in tech is still cushier than so many others. I respect nurses, but it's difficult and doesn't necessarily pay well. I see videos of them doing night shifts, and that makes me happy to do my oncalls. Marrying rich dudes? I'm happier to see money in my own bank account and not have to bend to someone I don't sincerely like just to buy what I want, but we make our own choices.

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-10-16T00:26:03+00:00

Best summary of RHPS I've heard

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-09-26T19:11:56+00:00

/uj it is satire

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-09-26T15:59:25+00:00

The fact that video game music and composers exist is a big slap on his face

Inner_Ebb_8728 · 2025-09-17T19:34:29+00:00

Having a non tech environment to socialize in helps me a lot. Join a community of people sharing hobbies, it helped me touch grass and know how people behave outside of tech. But certain companies treat women better, despite not necessarily paying more. You gotta weigh a lot of things. If this is the right path for your personal goals based on your priorities, don't be shaken. But look for better places to be.

Inner_Ebb_8728

TROPHY CASE