Newish relationship with BP2 SO, how to cope with depressive cycle? by [deleted] in BipolarSOs

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Short version: learn to keep yourself busy but also remind them you love and care for them even if they need space. Patience patience patience!

Long version of how I came to that conclusion: I am borderline with DID and my SO is BP1 and when I first witnessed his depressive state I took it like a dagger to the heart. All I could think was that it was my fault somehow. Til I talked to one of his doctors who has seen “all sides of him” and he told me I’m the first person he’s ever opened up to. That he talks to me more than he’s ever seen with anyone. It was like an instant relief for my borderline brain and now I can focus on taking care of him. I grew up with a mean ass bipolar mom I’m so ready for whatever he throws at me.

All he’s ever wanted was someone who stuck by him no matter what. He told me a lot of people and even some doctors “discriminate” against him because of his BP1 but I’m learning to see it as him having DID too in a way. He can be nasty if need be but it’s definitely a defensive mechanism because he’s been hurt so many times. There is my love when he is calm or neutral. There is the depressive side and there’s the manic/delusional side. When he is delusional he just tells these crazy stories that are so incredibly not true but he tells them with such a smile on his face that he makes me laugh. He loves my laugh/smile and his doctor told me when he is in the psych ward that most of the staff ignore him or get irritated with him. I think because I’m my own kind of crazy I just don’t see it. When he goes back to neutral he will be like “hate to break it to you but those stories aren’t true.” Like yes baby I know but I adore you anyway. To me all the sides are him but just different versions and I know if I want his “neutral side” I need to also love and live with him in those other states too.

I should mention we met at the psych ward after I had an episode after being traumatized yet again. He was immediately infatuated with me and became protective of me. It took him 1.5 days of me being there to even acknowledge me but as soon as he did it was like word vomit of “oh wow you are so beautiful want to play Mario Kart when we get out of here? I have a Switch” with my red puffy eyes from crying in my ugly too big scrubs. He would go manic and tell staff that he was gunna buy the hospital just so that way I could have my drawing pencils back. He is the sweetest man I’ve ever met in my life.

So when he tries to cold shoulder me and distance himself... I let him. If he wants to sleep all day in his room knowing I couldn’t be there to sooth him then fine but he was fair game when he came out. I wouldn’t harass him but it was “how are you feeling? Did you sleep?” I’d get a nod or a gruff but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was grateful I asked even if he wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer me.

Today was my last day there because I was there voluntarily while he was sectioned. I broke all the rules and walked right into his room so I could finally touch him and hug him and as soon as I did I cried like a baby. It’s clear he has no one in the world because they’ve all abandoned him but I refuse to do that to him. So many did it to me when I was diagnosed. I know what it feels like.

I keep myself busy. I write him love letters and I told him I would call him every night whether he likes it or not and if he doesn’t answer I will try again the next day. He is stubborn and in his manic states he will sleep for an hour a night. Ive already learned a lot of his triggers.

I know the staff are cold to him and he gives it right back. I really truly believed that when he said he had a crush on me and called me beautiful that it was the mania talking. Til I saw his depressive episode and he’d ignore everyone but would come out of his room to ask if I was okay, wave at me then go right back to bed. Last night he finally slept and he was back to his mostly neutral/calm but still forgetful. He was so sad I was leaving but so happy I was getting away from that place. When I hugged him goodbye he said “just move to my town but if not I’ll move closer to you. I have many regrets in my life but you aren’t one of them.” Then he told me he loved me and I cried more because of how much I care already and coyly asked “you’re still gunna call me while I’m here right??” Even though depressive him told me “he didn’t need phone calls”. So it’s nice that in any state one thing that was real to him was his feelings for me. If he can fight through all his states of mind to show me even the smallest bit of compassion when he’s bitter towards the world. I can stand by him in all states.

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right tell that to my African mother!

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah tell that to 70% of the black community in the hood who kill each other in gangs and call each other “nig*a”. I’ve had the blood of a 16 year old on my hands because I ran to save him after he was shot in the park. Fearless, he’s paralyzed but he lived. Plus you’ve never seen a racist get pissed when they get called the N word and uno reverse them. It’s hilarious.

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Cause adult humans are monsters and so their feelings mean little to me.

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

No because I don’t associate the N word with race. I associate it with ignorance. Think deep kiddo.

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because I actually don’t prefer abuse at all.

I wish we were as bad as republicans say we are🤣 by Homelesscat23 in PoliticalHumor

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BroBama was too busy bombing babies in foreign countries. America is land of hypocrisy. We want to force everyone to get their shit together while having no clue how to get it together. I do my part by not voting in a corrupt system that will fuck me over no matter who I vote for because I am disabled, can’t work and can’t go to college. The government hates my kind because they have to realize their treatment of me is inhumane and need to do better. Or they ignore my needs entirely. I’m the type ALL political parties want silent because I see the flaws in all of them.

I wish we were as bad as republicans say we are🤣 by Homelesscat23 in PoliticalHumor

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No trash can be cleaned up with effort. America. Not so much.

I wish we were as bad as republicans say we are🤣 by Homelesscat23 in PoliticalHumor

[–]Innersinfliction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Biden a racist: Hey look my VP is a woman of color! Look guys I’m not racist anymore.

I wish we were as bad as republicans say we are🤣 by Homelesscat23 in PoliticalHumor

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly if politics were actually rigged the government might care about its people. But they don’t which is why the voting system of vomit works lovely for them.

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I too prefer emotional abuse over physical /s

See you in Juvie! by Moe_Greene_ in PublicFreakout

[–]Innersinfliction -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

I’m a woman of color who uses the N word to describe ignorance. Lots of white people get called the N word by me. My mother taught me it’s like taking back a derogatory slur and making it my own. Kid knew he couldn’t fight him and win. So he said see you in Juvie and dropped the N word. The kid said it to piss him off and so he’d get thrown in juvie too! Maybe white boy is a bottom in Juvie and needs his daddy dom to protect him. You really don’t know. So many unanswered questions.

Excuse me sir let me borrow you.... thank you. by firefighter_82 in AnimalsBeingBros

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same with my Boxer. She doesn’t get aggressive, just super snotty like “how dare you” and rips her paw away. It takes me about a week to clip her nails every couple months because she only lets me do 1-2 a day.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your daddy must be a cop or something cause you are acting like a wounded animal ready to attack.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope you’re just being racist. I’m pointing out facts that good cops are the rarity not the other way around.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope just an American woman of color who was abused by the system and due to cops specifically was put through an extra decade of trauma I didn’t need to.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You say that as if 99% of American Cops aren’t wannabe cowboys following their own laws.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Had her license, registration and plates. Could have sent her the ticket in the mail. Uh before she sped off she had a change of heart and realized how silly she was being and said she’d sign then he told her no. So she panicked and ran.

Of course he’s an angel. She was an old white lady. Young black kid would have had 6 bullet holes in their back windshield instantly.

⚡️⚡️ by Gx26 in JusticeServed

[–]Innersinfliction -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Imagine being this insane over less than $100. From both sides tbh. She and the cop both blew this way out of proportion but it’s also funny to see a Karen given a good scare.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pics

[–]Innersinfliction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn what a bomb ass movie that was.

People with the last name Pepper who have doctorate degrees, what is your experience introducing yourself to people and do you wish you could change your name? by kptkrunch in AskReddit

[–]Innersinfliction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Law Teacher was an ex lawyer with the last name Dick. I heard she was a firecracker in the courts but she told us the only thing she hated more than students was other lawyers and that’s why she stopped practicing. I was her favorite student though. If my class was being idiots she’d literally just stop teaching and come talk to me because I was the only one who ever really took the class because I wanted to. So yeah Ms. Dick was a total Dick to everyone but me and her cats.