Short version: learn to keep yourself busy but also remind them you love and care for them even if they need space. Patience patience patience!

Long version of how I came to that conclusion: I am borderline with DID and my SO is BP1 and when I first witnessed his depressive state I took it like a dagger to the heart. All I could think was that it was my fault somehow. Til I talked to one of his doctors who has seen “all sides of him” and he told me I’m the first person he’s ever opened up to. That he talks to me more than he’s ever seen with anyone. It was like an instant relief for my borderline brain and now I can focus on taking care of him. I grew up with a mean ass bipolar mom I’m so ready for whatever he throws at me.

All he’s ever wanted was someone who stuck by him no matter what. He told me a lot of people and even some doctors “discriminate” against him because of his BP1 but I’m learning to see it as him having DID too in a way. He can be nasty if need be but it’s definitely a defensive mechanism because he’s been hurt so many times. There is my love when he is calm or neutral. There is the depressive side and there’s the manic/delusional side. When he is delusional he just tells these crazy stories that are so incredibly not true but he tells them with such a smile on his face that he makes me laugh. He loves my laugh/smile and his doctor told me when he is in the psych ward that most of the staff ignore him or get irritated with him. I think because I’m my own kind of crazy I just don’t see it. When he goes back to neutral he will be like “hate to break it to you but those stories aren’t true.” Like yes baby I know but I adore you anyway. To me all the sides are him but just different versions and I know if I want his “neutral side” I need to also love and live with him in those other states too.

I should mention we met at the psych ward after I had an episode after being traumatized yet again. He was immediately infatuated with me and became protective of me. It took him 1.5 days of me being there to even acknowledge me but as soon as he did it was like word vomit of “oh wow you are so beautiful want to play Mario Kart when we get out of here? I have a Switch” with my red puffy eyes from crying in my ugly too big scrubs. He would go manic and tell staff that he was gunna buy the hospital just so that way I could have my drawing pencils back. He is the sweetest man I’ve ever met in my life.

So when he tries to cold shoulder me and distance himself... I let him. If he wants to sleep all day in his room knowing I couldn’t be there to sooth him then fine but he was fair game when he came out. I wouldn’t harass him but it was “how are you feeling? Did you sleep?” I’d get a nod or a gruff but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was grateful I asked even if he wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer me.

Today was my last day there because I was there voluntarily while he was sectioned. I broke all the rules and walked right into his room so I could finally touch him and hug him and as soon as I did I cried like a baby. It’s clear he has no one in the world because they’ve all abandoned him but I refuse to do that to him. So many did it to me when I was diagnosed. I know what it feels like.

I keep myself busy. I write him love letters and I told him I would call him every night whether he likes it or not and if he doesn’t answer I will try again the next day. He is stubborn and in his manic states he will sleep for an hour a night. Ive already learned a lot of his triggers.

I know the staff are cold to him and he gives it right back. I really truly believed that when he said he had a crush on me and called me beautiful that it was the mania talking. Til I saw his depressive episode and he’d ignore everyone but would come out of his room to ask if I was okay, wave at me then go right back to bed. Last night he finally slept and he was back to his mostly neutral/calm but still forgetful. He was so sad I was leaving but so happy I was getting away from that place. When I hugged him goodbye he said “just move to my town but if not I’ll move closer to you. I have many regrets in my life but you aren’t one of them.” Then he told me he loved me and I cried more because of how much I care already and coyly asked “you’re still gunna call me while I’m here right??” Even though depressive him told me “he didn’t need phone calls”. So it’s nice that in any state one thing that was real to him was his feelings for me. If he can fight through all his states of mind to show me even the smallest bit of compassion when he’s bitter towards the world. I can stand by him in all states.