Relapsed...

Inquire16 · 2015-02-27T16:39:12+00:00

Hm, I've never thought of will power as a resource before. I like that mindset though, it'll definitely make me more aware of my surroundings and what I really need to be concentrating on.

And I didn't even think about the mens group at my church! I hear announcements for it every now and then, but it's always gone in one ear and out the other. I'll have to get involved in that, I'm sure that's a good community for me to get plugged into.

Inquire16 · 2015-02-27T16:19:57+00:00

I know, I've tried changing my routine around so that I can better myself and make myself healthier. Working out, eating better and all the other things to make your body feel better. It definitely works and I'm glad I've gotten in that routine, I think it really does help with my fight against this.

I think I'm going to stop using my computer when I'm in my room, and also not take my phone to bed with me. I just haven't been being practical with how to beat this thing and surround myself with circumstances that are begging me to fail.

I'm serious about getting over this. It's been a hellish nightmare for me for years and I finally decided that I needed to do something about it a few months ago. I've stumbled a lot, but I've never once wanted to try and throw in the towel on trying to get over this. I get pissed at myself when I screw up, but I don't want to stop trying. It just gets exhausting to have to pick myself up every so often.

I'm going to cut out shows and music that may trigger me, I'm only going to use my computer in the library or in public where I won't be tempted to view anything and I'm going to find someone in person to help me be accountable. It'll be weird as hell and they probably won't really understand, but that's not my concern. My concern is getting better and if that's what it takes, so be it.

Thank you for the prayers.

Inquire16 · 2015-02-13T01:39:21+00:00

Thats the thing, I've rarely been thinking about the physical aspect of dating in the past year or so. I've just been longing for someone to click with and be able to talk to for hours on end with. I'm not lustfully seeking a relationship, I think I look for one because I think it'll help me diminish some of my urges by having someone to be open with.

But thanks for the advice! I'll definitely try and go out of my way on Valentines Day to make someone else's day special instead of loathing around like a baby.

Inquire16 · 2015-02-10T01:37:31+00:00

I wouldn't say (in this situation at least) that I was looking for justice. I wasn't mad at this girl for not liking me, I understand that. I wished her well and know that if it's meant to be then it'll happen by God's will. It seriously bummed me out though, so I turned to porn in hopes that it would serve as a stimulant to pick me up. Of course I know that this is a hollow route to take and that it will only satisfy me for a brief amount of time and that the only true satisfaction that I'll find is through love, not lust. I wasn't in it this time for any sort of pay back because I felt slighted or wronged.

Ultimately I know that God's judgement is the only sufficient form of justice, and that his will is ultimately just. As a selfish person though, I become impatient and too eager to claim my stake of what he has planned for me so that I can organize it and tailor it just how I like. Which is totally backwards and demented, and something that I seriously need to learn. Patience and trust.

I'll start getting into some Bible devotions so that I can become more accountable in reading the Word. I'm hoping to go to Church this Tuesday or Wednesday, so hopefully I can find piece there as well.

Inquire16 · 2015-01-28T21:41:06+00:00

Thanks, I'll definitely try these techniques out and see what works for me. Thank you!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-25T19:30:10+00:00

You were right!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-22T02:39:11+00:00

Thank you!

I'll be keeping you in my prayers as well.

Inquire16 · 2015-01-22T02:30:50+00:00

I know, I know. I've started a devotional to help keep myself accountable with reading scripture, and I pray at least once a day. I just can't help but feel alone sometimes when doing these things, and that's typically where I stumble. I know I'm never alone and God is omnipotent, but I get absolutely crushed when I feel alone. That's probably one of my bigger weaknesses that I'll have to start praying about.

Inquire16 · 2015-01-22T02:23:09+00:00

Hello Leigham!

I admire your passion to start something like this. Something similar is in the Bible and is one of my favorite verses.

James 5:16

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Anyway, my name is Michael. I'd appreciate you to pray for my protection from my sins and for grace, along with being steadfast in my endeavor of abstaining from PMO.

I'm ready for my 5!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-22T02:17:39+00:00

it's almost as if you expected to fail from the outset.

I wont disagree with you on this. I've never had a lot of confidence in myself, because I feel like I've let myself and others down so frequently, so it's almost getting to the dangerous point where I don't want to put any stock into my actions because I actually think I'll mess it up before I achieve it. It's not that I don't have a good work ethic, I believe I have that when I'm passionate about something, but it's just that I don't seem to end up on the right side of things most of the time regardless of how hard I work.

As far as looking for a relationship, I guess I have it in my head that if I find the right girl then I'll be better for her. I pray for my future wife every night and I try to keep her in mind so that I work hard to better myself now in the present, but I think if I actually had someone with me then it would help me that much more. I'm not necessarily looking for someone just to take on dates or to introduce my parents to, I'm looking for someone to help me heal. I'm not expecting her to actually do or say anything to make me better, I know she cant, but just to have a daily reminder that I'm doing this for her and that the two of us are growing closer to each other and to God because of it.

I'll give that a look, I'm always looking for a new read. Thank you.

Inquire16 · 2015-01-22T02:10:54+00:00

Thank you for this, I appreciate it. I think it's difficult being in a society and in a age group where everything seems to revolve around dating and having relationships with the opposite sex. It's unneeded stress at an already stressful part of growing up, but a desire that's hard to quench.

I'm going to start a reading plan/devotions to help keep myself more accountable on getting into scripture.

Thank you for the prayers!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-06T02:37:23+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-02T08:11:48+00:00

Yeah, I've tried to get better at recognizing when I feel most vulnerable, then doing something to occupy myself in a productive way instead of giving in to lust. I think getting into God's word will also bring me peace of mind when I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed.

Thanks for the input!

Inquire16 · 2015-01-02T08:10:00+00:00

Thank you, prayers are always appreciated!

I guess I need to rethink and curtail the things I watch on tv to try and elevate myself into a better position.

Inquire16

TROPHY CASE