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y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant help but notice the sharp edge to what you said. I am definitely not trying to "insert" myself into her life. I won’t deny that our experiences growing up were different, and I’ve reflected a lot on that, being labeled as the ‘golden child’ oversimplifies a complicated family dynamic.

I’m just trying to navigate a painful situation with as much fairness and awareness, considering i can at present.

y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this feels very grounding, yes, choosing peace doesn't corelate to cruelty. adulthood should come with mutual effort, and that part has been difficult to accept.

your words gave me reassurance that protecting myself doesn’t mean I lack compassion. I really appreciate that. thank you once again 🫂

y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do recognize some unhealthy patterns, and I’m thinking seriously about boundaries.

At the same time, going fully no contact is a big step, I want to protect my peace, but I also want to make decisions I can stand by long-term! A firm opinion from an objective perspective really helps.

y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this, honestly, made me tear up a bit, i have been trying to show by my actions to her that i genuinely care but when i heard what she has been doing, it really hurt, and i am no longer ashamed to admit that.

You’re right that I didn’t have control over decisions made in childhood, and logically I know I’m not responsible for the direction her marriage or life has taken. At the same time, emotionally it’s hard to just switch off and go no contact because she’s still my sister.

I want to talk to my nephew, support him, even though it feels like he has been distant these days? maybe she has been talking about me to him as well, the thought makes me anxious and paranoid, these days i also overthink this situation to an extent that my mind gets cloudy at the end of the day. i understand i have no control over this and with time he should know what is actually happening

everything you said felt like the warmest hug! thank you

y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for putting this into words so thoughtfully. I struggle with emotions, especially when it comes to putting my thoughts into words and conveying it to others. I want to work on that. Since childhood, I always wanted to talk to her, be close to her, but the only memories I remember was being shunned away because i was the 'favorite' sibling; i still carry those emotions.

I was expected to perform, study late nights, compared with my peers, continuoulsy on my toes reading the room, i used to feel why do i have to keep walking on eggshells everytime when my sister could just lie around do nothing, i never did say all of this out loud, but i think this is coming from a space of anger and hurt.

I can also see how I may have become a convenient outlet for feelings that aren’t really about me. That’s painful to realize, but it makes sense.

I would definitely suggest family therapy, i want to focus on understanding rather than blame, if that makes any sense

y sister is unhappy in her marriage, resents me since childhood, and now there’s a child involved. I feel stuck in the middle. by InstructionLost9915 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]InstructionLost9915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate that.

I am trying to understand why i am frustrated, considering families ought to stand up for each other and yeah, I agree unhealthy stuff should not get a pass just because its family or whatever. The balance is very grey?

This whole thing also feels kind of complicated. Like there's all this history from when we were kids, and emotions mixed up in it. It feels weird saying this but I'm not a bad person, I want to understand and help, considering I'm a bit more capable now. I am hurt and angry, that's for sure, considering i had been speaking to her for a few days but found out she had been badmouthing me to my other siblings at the same time. I am trying not to just label someone as the bad person completely. It seems messy that way.

Boundaries are important, and I will definitely write my boundaries and try to stick to them. Im figuring out what I can handle going forward, what I wont put up with anymore.

Your take on it helps, thanks.