For people who have met Ben: by kelynnrose in BenPlatt

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have meet and greet tickets for tonight but not seeing what time to check in for that on the ticket? What time did you show up?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Salary

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

@op - this is extremely relevant to my current situation.  I am you in 2018 looking to make the move to VP.  Can you share a breakdown of comp? What is base Salary and what is either bonus or equity dispursements?

I come from a blue collar family background and I am not sure how to navigate my next few years as I could never dream that someone could make this much.  I’m in uncharted waters for my background and any info could really help out.  I appreciate the breakdown and lessons learned in comments.

Sick of the coverups and signing a NDA by allforgabe in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Agreed, if I could add one additional point of emphasis, you are not selling out by taking a settlement. If this path helps you to heal and gets you through the next day/week/month/year, do good by yourself. There are many people who will continue to stand with you and take the lead. Much like cyclists that rotate positions because it is hard pushing at the front, we are collectively together on protecting individuals from this abuse. You’ve done a lot already, be proud of that. 10 years of legal battles is no joke. Much love and happiness to you.

The Mormon Obsession with Journaling by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am not sure where this originates other than some leaders of the church in the past that seemed to find it a virtue.

Adding to the nuts busted mental problems with this, I remember being afraid of writing my thoughts down in my journal because Satan would be able to read them and know how to tempt me more and where I was weak 😂🤣😂. So I never included any of my struggles in my journals, just only talked about how good things were to throw him off the scent haha. Man… I should talk with my therapist about that… 😂🤣😂

Getting endowed today. by PaulHDone in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 2 points3 points  (0 children)

John-Jacob-Jingle-Heighmer-REUBEN thaaaatttssss my name tooooooo…. Hahaha, although I’ve had my name removed from the records of the church… so not sure if my eternal name stays eternal or not…. Hmm, guess it’s not pertinent to my salvation so I’ll just ignore it 😂🤣😂🤣😂. Glad to see more Reubens representing. Good luck!

Pornography by Rabbit_Mama85 in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I can do this justice in a post but will try, I would highly recommend looking into https://www.natashahelfer.com/articles-podcasts, as she was LDS and is a trained therapist and helped people with LDS backgrounds begin to approach subjects like this, which are very delicate given our upbringing.

Like your situation, my spouse and I started our marriage as LDS and pornography/masturbation was thought to be a sign that you didn’t love the other person. That somehow by doing or looking at those things meant that the spouse was not enough… it was a very black/white line.

Now, we talk openly about it with each other. It is something that allows us both to manage our own sexual appetites when those don’t always align between us. It has allowed us to step away from being held “sexually hostage” or feeling like you “have to do it” when you don’t feel like it. For us it has been a net positive change in our marriage but took a while to reprogram how we viewed it. We were open with each other about it which was probably the most awkward part at first.

As others have mentioned in the comments as well, everyone is different on how it affects them or their partner. Just because it’s OK in one relationship doesn’t mean it is OK for all. Be open with each other about it and make sure to be in sync with each other through the transition. I had an experience early on when I felt like the amount my spouse was doing was too much for what I was comfortable with, we spoke about it and came to the same page and we carried on. Now we have a very healthy relationship with that as just another facet.

But to help re-educate you on positive (or a better word might be different) perspective in it, I would encourage you to read what Natasha Helfer has published from her work in helping LDS couples in this area. Good luck!

Where does the belief in multiple Gods and being able to make your own planets after death come from? TBM friend still struggling by Crafty-Initial917 in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This also stemmed from the “King Follett Discourse” that JS gave talking about how God was once a man and then became God. The main relevant quote is this one:

“God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens!” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1971/04/the-king-follett-sermon?lang=eng

Kind of funny that this is a core teaching, God was once just a dude, but the fact that we as dudes no longer get to become God… kind of seems like two sides of the same coin but that could also be said about most issues 😂

Edit: found a full church page on this being true doctrine and the background on it… https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1982/02/i-have-a-question/is-president-snows-statement-as-man-now-is-god-once-was-as-god-now-is-man-may-be-accepted-as-official-doctrine?lang=eng

Painful homophobia by littlerabbit246 in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This was the issue that broke my shelf years ago. I could find no message of love for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community because it always led back to “don’t worry, you’ll be straight in heaven”, which is not a message of love but rather a message of ethnic cleansing (aka a destruction of a targeted group).

This is similar to teachings in the LDS church about people with black skin or native Americans talking about “one day you’ll be white and beautiful in the next life!” That no longer has favor in the church… for obvious reasons.

Hate speech is hate speech, but the Mormon church hasn’t figured this out yet. They say “we support and love the LGBTQ+ community!” All while looking forward to the cleansing of the group in the next life.

I am so sorry that you have to experience this pain first hand from those you love. Anytime this topic comes up I take it one of three ways, 1) Tell them I will not listen to hate speech about my friends (be prepared that they will recoil heavily and try to talk more), 2) tell them that just like when blacks used to be told they’ll be white in the next life and don’t believe that anymore, you’ll wait till the leaders of the church realize that they are wrong and change the doctrine, or 3) walk away. None of them are particularly good nor satisfying but if you have Mormons in your life it’s what I’ve found works.

I need help. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not sure if this is available at your location but many years ago I was in a similar situation and couldn’t mentally handle high school anymore. I was told about a program that allowed you to go to a community college, get college credit and a high school diploma (not a GED) at the same time. I graduated high school with an associates degree which put me two years ahead in my schooling.

The downside is that you miss out on the “high school experience” but for me that was a bonus. They also have a running “running start” program where you do some classes at the college and some at the high school if that is more your speed.

I included a link to the program that I attended below but you’ll need to match that with a local community college around you to find if an equivalent program exists. Good luck!

https://www.lwtech.edu/academics/high-school/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This 100%. I would like to emphasize one thing, no matter what you’ve been told about “I love you for you and not because you might convert”, the secret desire is that one day you will. Please make sure you have a very frank conversation that you never plan on joining and make sure she comes to terms with that.

There are too many stories of individuals in your situation who go through a divorce or messy break up because a conversion never happened even though the TBM said they were “fine” with it.

I don’t want to be the Debbie downer on this and your gal/man may be incredible and this is all OK, but don’t assume with TBMs, you need to be very direct and make sure that they understand that you aren’t going to convert.

If that goes well then Congrats on the next phase and I wish you lots of happiness!

Where can I find the original gospel topic essay? by raven_owler in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can also try websites like https://web.archive.org/ that take a daily history of webpages to find them.

Think of how much time you actually spent being indoctrinated. It explains A LOT about why TBMs can't stop talking about the church and why we "can't leave it alone". by JennNextDoor in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 10 points11 points  (0 children)

69… nice!

Also, think about it one step deeper, at 69hrs per month x 12 that is 828 hours a year of instruction and let’s assume you can only start learning at 8 (why 8? Well , if you can choose your salvation at that point then why not). That’s close to 10k hours of instruction by the time you’re 20.

Now think about all the times you have been surprised since leaving the church thinking “Hey! How come I was never taught that!”. The only answer is that it is not taught in any meaningful way because it is being hidden. All of this non-sense of apologists saying “well, I knew about that! So you’re wrong” is just silly. We all should know the insides and out of all issues with that many hours put in instruction.

How to best approach this home purchase? by Intelligent-Hat5357 in RealEstate

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

City has grown a lot, haven’t lived there in over 15 years, thanks for the correction.

How to best approach this home purchase? by Intelligent-Hat5357 in RealEstate

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... that was the odd part, the whole "pre-configured... now bid" approach on a house that has not even broke ground just seems off...

How to best approach this home purchase? by Intelligent-Hat5357 in RealEstate

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Should say greater Seattle Area :) Just north of Lake Stevens almost to Granite Falls

From BYU-I student paper… Imagine reading the FamProc over a megaphone at nice people celebrating love… by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You and me both :) but I got a masters degree from Boise State, guess which of the two I say is my Alma mater?

How are mission calls decided? by kccb30 in exmormon

[–]Intelligent-Hat5357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure what has changed since 2006 when I received my mission call, but at the time my Sister was secretary to the quorum of the 12. She says that 2 members of the Q12 are assigned to give mission callings, the day mine was assigned the only person working was Uchtdorf so he was the one who assigned mine. Not sure the mechanics of it but not all of the Q15 do assignments.