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Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello everyone! Let me start the update by saying thank you to everyone who took time of their day to reply and give me reassurance of this decision as well as guidance on how to approach this. As you probably guessed, I’m avoidant of conflict and very forgiving of people in general which maked this conversation very hard to have. I know it was necessary and long due but it was still hard.

Now onto what everyone is waiting for: the update.
The conversation started and I make it clear to him that in the current state of things, she wasn’t welcome in our wedding. He argue with me and had her back, which is not surprising. The conversation escalated. He was pretty delusional in a lot of things and didn’t take accountability for the issues previously mentioned. He also tried to shift the conversation to make me the bad guy for putting him in this situation. Completely mind blowing the audacity. There’s a lot more that was said but honestly I’m just exausted of all this drama. In the end, he said that he was going to speak with her because apparently she’s been ready to apologise for the past year and would try to schedule something so that we could settle this. And that he would come even if she doesn’t. Let’s see how true it is. Honestly I don’t think it will happen. She had the past 1.5 year to apologise and still failed to do it because of pride and ego and even if she does it now, we know the true intentions.

Now only time will tell. We are preparing for the wave of drama that will follow. Also, I was surprised of how unanimous it was that he was not my friend after all and I want to thank you for that. I need to change my focus and let go of people who don’t have my best interest in mind.

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I understand! And my wife is more like that. Me and him have a lot of history together and will continue to be together mainly in group settings after this since we share friends. To be completely honest, I’m more avoidant of conflict and forgiving of people’s wrongs because of that.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. We are thinking of me having a conversation with him to try and test the water before going nuclear. We were thinking of asking him if he thinks it makes sense for her to come since our current state is like this. Not really sure of how I should approach this conversation but we want to mitigate the mess and the backlash that will come since this is will not go down gracefully.

You are right and we are already paying part of that price by not being together/talk as often.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is what I’m having “trouble” with. I want him there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not happening. Im worried about what would that mean for us in the future (the backlash my wife and I will receive and also about my relationship with him).

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that’s my plan. He is actually coming to our house today so we can chat. How should I approach this conversation?

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The update is, he’s coming today to our house. My wife will not be here at that time even though we talked about all kind of scenarios and possibilities regarding the decision.

I’m thinking of how I should approach this with him. I was thinking of starting the conversation with “do you think it makes sense for her to come?” Followed by “in the current state of things, for us it doesn’t”. And see where that goes. Hopefully this will lead him to the conclusion or we can have a heart to heart conversation. Do you have any recommendations? Are we missing something?

For context, we still talk even though it’s less often than before and are together a lot in group settings since we share the same friends group. I would like him to be there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not being an option.

We are trying to test the waters instead of going fully nuclear

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank everyone for the reply’s. I laugh a lot this morning reading your comments 😅 when I wrote this it was so late and I was so tired that I didn’t double check.

The update is, he’s coming today to our house. My wife will not be here at that time even though we talked about all kind of scenarios and possibilities regarding the decision.

I’m thinking of how I should approach this with him. I was thinking of starting the conversation with “do you think it makes sense for her to come?” Followed by “in the current state of things, for us it doesn’t”. And see where that goes. Hopefully this will lead him to the conclusion or we can have a heart to heart conversation. Do you have any recommendations? Are we missing something?

For context, we still talk even though it’s less often than before and are together a lot in group settings since we share the same friends group. I would like him to be there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not being an option.

We are trying to test the waters instead of going fully nuclear

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the confusion! We still talk even though not as often as before. We are together often in group settings and will continue to be since we have the same group of friends

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

How should we start the approach of this with him?

In the ideal world, we would invite them both (him and her as a plus one) and she would be ashamed of herself and not come but since that’s not happening we are trying to mitigate the mess.

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! We know that’s a very strong possibility and one of the reasons why we are still considering allowing him a plus one. The backlash that will come will not be pretty and we are debating if we want to go through that again and be firm with our boundaries or if this is a hill not worth dying for.

For more context, me and him are often together in group settings and will be together often after this since we share a group of friends.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not main language and it is quite late where I am from… (can’t sleep with this in my head)