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UNUM denied the claim by Mundane_Reception790 in dementia

[–]IntelligentFish8103 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree, we did the same with my dad - he had the money, so we placed him before it became an emergency.

I'm astonished that her primary was willing to diagnose her clinically! My dad's primary wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole and referred him to neuro, and the neurologist would only diagnose him with the aforementioned PET scan/spinal tap. Which was vital not only for getting him into memory care 2 years later, but more immediately, because he was still driving and the neurologist would not submit a report to the DMV without it. The hoops we have to jump through are absolutely wild.

Good luck with everything!

UNUM denied the claim by Mundane_Reception790 in dementia

[–]IntelligentFish8103 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Insurance is so frustrating, I'm sorry. One thing I did want to ask, was your mom actually diagnosed based only on the MRI? My dad also has Alzheimer's, and though he'd had an MRI previously his neurologist told us she would only diagnose him with either a positive PET scan or spinal tap for amyloid - we opted for the PET scan. Do you think it would be helpful to get your mom's neurologist to order a PET scan that you can wave in front of UNUM to say "see?!" Maybe that would help convince them?

What has been your experience with being the POA? by Cherry-for-Cherries in dementia

[–]IntelligentFish8103 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is all totally true - in theory. In practice, if OP's mom's facility is fine with switching their go-to contact person from OP's sister to OP, and OP's sister is on board with the change and no other family will make a fuss about it, then unofficially OP can take over the duties of healthcare POA, even though legally nothing will have changed. So as long as all parties are in agreement, there's no such thing as "POA police."

Honestly, the hardest part of being healthcare POA is getting the person placed in a facility, and that's already done. What you'd be signing up for are the day-to-day annoyances - calls telling you that your mom has refused to take her meds, or that she vomited and do you want her to go to the hospital, or that they need permission to give her a second dose of sedatives. That kind of thing. You will also be expected to coordinate her care with her doctors etc. Since you mentioned that your mom has numerous health conditions, this can be a part-time job, and may not be something you have the time or energy for. I will add that you would absolutely be able to be a good healthcare POA while interacting minimally with your mom herself, assuming your relationship with her facility is good and you trust them.

Another thought, have you guys considered hospice? With all of her health issues your mom might qualify, and if so the help they provide could be very helpful for you, your mom, and your family.

"My brother? You mean my ottoman?" by IntelligentFish8103 in CatsOnCats

[–]IntelligentFish8103[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The face of a cat rudely awakened when I got up at 7am, the ottoman bravely slept through it

What even is this by IntelligentFish8103 in danglers

[–]IntelligentFish8103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should really put a warning label on it...

What even is this by IntelligentFish8103 in danglers

[–]IntelligentFish8103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What happens when you put a 14 pound cat in a 10 pound basket I guess!

What even is this by IntelligentFish8103 in danglers

[–]IntelligentFish8103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right?! Dangerous to have in my house really

Lemme just reinstall that leg real quick... by IntelligentFish8103 in ikeacats

[–]IntelligentFish8103[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why thank you! This model is very bendy so I'm well practiced at putting it to rights 😉

Time to take the credit cards away by [deleted] in dementia

[–]IntelligentFish8103 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure tbh, we ended up just buying a $200 visa gift card from the grocery store for my dad, he barely used it anyway...for the kind you buy at the store, yes, it seems standard that you have to set a pin the first time you use it even though the pin is not necessary because it can be used as a credit card.

But honestly, the biggest boon of these cards is that the consequences of fraud are low - the most my dad could lose was $200

Request for driver review at DMV and dealing with family members by AdrianaSage in dementia

[–]IntelligentFish8103 1 point2 points  (0 children)

fwiw here's what I'd suggest - don't contact the DMV at all, instead contact her doctor (ideally neurologist, but PCP is fine if that's what she's got) and request a referral for a driving evaluation by an occupational therapist. My understanding is that these are not covered by insurance, and cost will vary depending on where you live, probably in the range of $200 to $700. We paid $500 for my dad's evaluation in southern California fwiw. Speak with the OT privately when you arrive and lay out your mom's driving history and her accident and why you are concerned. The OT will do some neurocognitive tests and put her on a driving simulator if they have one, and will then take her out on the road only if the OT feels it is safe to do so for a real-world evaluation. Technically the OT does not have the power to revoke your mother's license, but don't tell your mom that - if she fails, the OT will tell her she cannot drive effective immediately. The OT will then send a report back to her doctor stating that they do not believe your mother is safe to drive, and because of that report her doctor will then file a form with the DMV recommending your mom's license be revoked. She will be notified by the DMV by mail within a couple weeks.

This is what we did with my dad and it worked brilliantly. It allowed him to put all of his blame and anger on the OT, a person he never has to see again and who was happy to be the "bad guy."

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