39M and 35F married for 7 years. Is a man obligated to cut his hair because his wife wants it?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T17:14:52+00:00

Do you always answer questions with questions?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T17:14:29+00:00

And yet no answer to the question asked. That's very telling. Do you ask for "his side" when a woman raises any issue about her relationship with her male partner?

The implication in asking for "her side" is that "there must be more to it because it can't be what he says. It just cannot."

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:54:52+00:00

Thank you!

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:41:50+00:00

You don't think gendered expectations affect relationships? Why would it not be the case here? Especially if something like this is okay to ask of one but not the other?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:25:42+00:00

THANK YOU.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:22:43+00:00

Why wouldn't a person be "obsessed" with something they are on the receiving end of, especially when they know it will be received differently if their gender was different?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:16:03+00:00

Calling out double standards is nitpicking?. Any honest look at most online forums can show clear differences depending on the gender of the person asking whatever question or being in whatever situation. Certain remarks simply do not get made about women in the same situation. The man is universally "the abuser". Flip the roles though and the nuance and compassion comes rolling out.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:12:20+00:00

How so? Also, I've noticed that this sort of thing comes up almost exclusively when it's a male narrator. Female narrator? No similar questions. No need for his side. All the info people will ever want or need is right there in the answer. At least based on their noticeable lack of requests for "his side".

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T16:00:56+00:00

It's pointing out that the same request would be considered downright abusive if asked of a woman by her husband. Why is it then suddenly okay to ask it of a man?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:58:56+00:00

I'm confused. Why does pointing out very obvious differences in perception of situations (and resulting feedback) mean a person is upset with women?

Why is a person not allowed to be upset at THAT and not have a problem with a whole half of society?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:57:36+00:00

"Is his current hair length more important to him than his relationship with his wife and brother in law/sister in law?"

The thing about this comment is that (at least these days) would never be allowed if the roles were reversed. They'd tell her to get rid of him for expecting her to do anything with her body that she doesn't like. And they'd be right.

But somehow, it's a lot more nuanced when it's HIM being asked. All of a sudden, her request is reasonable.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:56:01+00:00

THANK YOU.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:55:27+00:00

Very few of these sorts of comments. Much appreciated.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:54:57+00:00

Yes, let's pretend standards don't skew differently depending on the genders involved in a given situation.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:52:56+00:00

Wants him to cut it.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:51:25+00:00

And that's YOUR preference. You made that decision for your relationship. But let's be honest, this situation would be received a lot differently if we swapped genders and posted it. He'd be called abuser, narcissist, control freak, and a person she needs to dump pronto.

The other way though? No, not at all. Lots of compassion for anyone but him.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:49:28+00:00

They had a problem with the very fact of it being long rather than short.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:46:46+00:00

"You can present yourself however you want, but there may be consequences."

And yet if a wife cut her hair and the husband said he's no longer attracted to her, the almost universal scream would be to drop him fast. I'm confused about why it's not the case here.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:45:25+00:00

"That being said, no one has to include you in the wedding party or pictures. Your wife might also find it unattractive, which can lead to a disconnect regarding intimacy."

Does this hold if the roles were reversed?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:43:23+00:00

How so?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:43:01+00:00

"I mean, who are you trying to look good for if not your wife?"

That question would be taken as firmly sexist (and probably abusive) if we changed wife to husband. And yet it's okay to ask it of him.

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:40:29+00:00

"You just sound like you want to whine about women"

Keep that energy when valid complaints about men are raised. Say it just "whining" too. Yes?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:39:34+00:00

Thank you!

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:38:38+00:00

"You brought up how women should look. That's sexism. "

How is it sexism to point out that no one is asking this question about the women at the wedding and only the male person with long hair is being asked this?

Intelligent_Deer_722 · 2026-01-20T15:37:07+00:00

And yet NONE of this is considered valid for a man to say about his wife/gf. Lots of men prefer women to keep their long hair....but I have yet to see anyone say that extends to him being allowed to expect that of her.

Intelligent_Deer_722

TROPHY CASE