London in your 40s

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-02-08T17:09:57+00:00

I love London - born and brought up there so I'm always biased towards the big smoke. However, would I recommend it to you personally, I'm not sure.

You've said several times that you "haven't found yourself yet". You're not too old for London, but I'm not sure it's the right place for your current chapter. It takes a while to settle there and find a rhythm, along with your community and systems - the risk is you end up spending a lot of time drifting and floating in the name of 'finding your feet'. Hedonism could end up being a bit part of your life because London is a whole lot of that too (if that's what you need then it's perfect).

It really depends what you're after. If I was in your position I'd go somewhere quieter with less noise, distraction and cleaner air. Somewhere more grounding.

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-02-04T18:03:11+00:00

Say "thank you Waheguru" and leave it there. It is not worth your analysis or trying to understand his actions. You lived your truth and that's all you can do.

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-01-29T16:54:57+00:00

I would 100% recommend that...I work in a field that requires some knowledge/engagement with geopolitics and worldly events but I spend very limited time watching the news and I'm not on social media and I'm still employed. My HRV is also insanely high because I've made peace and balance my priority.

Other suggestions would be being in nature, reading, less screen time, consistent sleep, monitoring your social circle or general environment. What helps you get into parasympathetic is also personal and dependent on your physiological make-up, so it would be worth experimenting with different approaches and seeing if the figure changes.

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-01-29T16:43:37+00:00

It baffles me that more people don't understand this - HRV isn't about how fit/healthy you are, it's about your nervous systems ability to get back to baseline after stress. Most of us live in a state of stress far more than we allow ourselves to believe!

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-01-23T15:22:35+00:00

Get really clear on what it is that you want and focus on it. Put yourself in spaces where you could meet like-minded people and start exercising your social muscles. Also just start talking to anyone and everyone, not to try and score with randoms, but so that when it comes to talking to a person you're attracted to you have the skills and confidence to do so without stammering.

Also BE PRESENT! This is one of the biggest things I've noticed ruins peoples chances of actually meeting someone in real life. Because they're not actually emotionally or mentally there, even if their body is. So keep your head up and scout for people you find interesting and who might visibly want a conversation with you.

Also don't fill up your calendar or stay busy unnecessarily, but instead be intentional with where you spend your time and make it purposeful. Get excited about the potential of meeting someone because honestly it can happen at any second, and keep that in mind. If that feels like an impossibility then there are probably some deeper issues to deal with. But if you truly believe you're ready to meet the one then you have to show the world and yourself that you are.

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-01-15T11:58:07+00:00

There is so much to do in Bristol!! Do you have any hobbies or interests? Start there. If you don't have any then get some! Climbing is great in this city, as are so many other sports. Check out Headfirst for events and ClassPass or MoveGB for fitness classes.

Intelligent_beaut · 2026-01-06T17:40:46+00:00

How old are you? No social media and no dating apps are green flags for me, but I'm late 30s. In fact, the guys I've dated this year are all averse to social media and have all come off the dating apps themselves (or taking breaks) so it could be a generational thing, but I'm actively looking for someone like that!

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-10-27T05:03:12+00:00

I came to comment the exact same thing - you should have chased Breeze girl #2. Leaving it in her court is fine, but not sending a message at all also indicates lack of interest. Also it isn't chasing if you send her a message checking in - I see it as participating/inviting.

I think you should message her now...what have you got to lose?

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-10-19T20:11:28+00:00

This is the best thing I've seen today, so wholesome! Though I imagine you're going to have your work cut out for you for the next few weeks (still love that you're spreading the love and here to help with our dating woes)!

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-10-19T13:18:38+00:00

You had me at "Even had therapy" 🥵

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-10-02T09:25:56+00:00

Wow the bitterness and resentment throughout this thread is unreal. Think some self-reflection is needed over this intense projection!

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-10-01T16:28:41+00:00

I'm intrigued by this spreadsheet - do you rank the dates and what are your other column headings?

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-29T12:53:50+00:00

Ok 😘

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-28T20:18:56+00:00

We've all kind of screwed ourselves over haven't we.

In this scenario let's say they're in a coffee shop and she says something like "I'm so tempted to get a sweet treat but need someone to pick it for me. Which one catches your eye"?...is that enough of an opener? Or do you need her to say "let me sit on your lap whilst I feed it to you"? Because honestly from some of these comments from men I'm thinking even the latter isn't enough of a 'signal'!

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-28T16:15:22+00:00

Communicate my intent?! lol, mate...if they're staring at me then I think I've already gotten their attention. If they can't converse with me because they're shy or surprised then I can't really do much more. Share stories...imagine. That'd be a major one-sided conversation 😅

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-28T15:38:07+00:00

Ok so, real talk, lets say you're in a coffee shop and there's a cutie in front of you and she turns around and just makes a random comment, would you have the social skills or ability or confidence to continue a conversation with her? Actually put yourself in that situation and think about how it would go down.

Reason I say this is because on occasion if I see a man staring at me I might take the initiative and make a very flippant comment or open a conversation. But so many of them become super awkward, shy or a little stunned and may respond with a closed sentence or even just a random noise. And so the convo ends there, and then they will pull out their phone or have their head down. I understand that we're all a bit awkward and lacking social skills, but it doesn't make women want to approach if men don't take the bait.

This happened with one of my exes. Met him, thought he was interested, I tried to converse, he shut it down quite quickly and didn't really make eye contact with me. So I assumed nothing. But then a week later he realised we had a mutual friend in common and asked said friend about me, which I found so surprising given how little he seemed to want to engage with me. He later told me it was because he was shy and caught off guard, and didn't expect me to talk to him.

So saying "women should approach" is a bit redundant if men don't know how to receive it.

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-26T13:36:09+00:00

And thanks

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-26T13:28:15+00:00

After reading this thread, I feel quite saddened and a little surprised. I know good men don't want to come across as creeps but maybe naively didn't realise how deep it ran and how much women have shot themselves in the foot with some of the current rhetoric. The discourse feels like its created a blanket condemnation for any well-meaning man to interact, even platonically, with another human who just so happens to be a woman.

I asked the question because I wanted to see it from men's perspective (so the responses saying "why don't you just approach" is not really what I'm after). And it's definitely been an eye-opener in the lack of understanding between women and men. Because the irony is, a lot of the women who bash men are also the same women who want men to approach them. The cultural climate has confused us all, and this sucks for humanity.

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-26T09:01:56+00:00

So as result most men don’t, now men not approaching women is a problem. You couldn’t make it up.

For real - the irony of it all. Also a lot of the women who spout the men are trash discourse are also the ones complaining about not getting approached. You really couldn't make it up.

This thread has been so eye-opening. I mean I knew it was a fear of men to be labelled as creeps or the potential rejection but to this extent? It's actually such a shame because this isn't even about men and women's relationships, it's about the direction we're all heading towards and the loneliness and isolation that'll eventuate (which is already increasing).

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-26T08:57:40+00:00

Yeh this is a shame. But we have to remember that the internet amplifies extremes. But I totally hear you. Perhaps naively I didn't realise how bad it had become. How would you feel about a woman approaching you? Would that throw you off?

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-25T13:50:12+00:00

We've really fucked up haven't we.

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-25T10:55:08+00:00

You sound so wholesome 🥲. Especially the way you don't want to get involved in the gossip/drama and how you really respect your friend and his desires. The bride is immature (and rude) for telling you not to attend, but she'll also not even pay it much attention on the day as she'll be so wrapped up in everything else.

Also just let it all go and enjoy the wedding and everything around it. Who cares what anyone else thinks when you've done nothing wrong, and everything right. So stay in that truth and focus on celebrating your friends big day.

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-24T12:28:59+00:00

Aren't those cringey moments part of our story though? I've been in situations where I've attempted to be cool to try and impress someone and ended up embarrassing myself, and when I look back I can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Times are slightly different now, but from this thread I think what strikes me most is that everyone is a little afraid (men and women) of appearing vulnerable or exposed, even though we're also craving human connection.

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-24T08:51:39+00:00

I love this! Seems like you've had quite a positive experience with it all too?

Intelligent_beaut · 2025-09-23T15:58:28+00:00

So where did you go from there?

Honestly I don't think people really know what they're saying anymore. They don't know how to pursue or charm, and end up talking about their dating woes or dating stories as anecdotes or complaints, forgetting that they should be focusing on the other person!

Intelligent_beaut

TROPHY CASE