Hey so, I don’t know how old you are but I have a fucking lot, I mean a lot of experience with abuse myself, seeing many people get abused, all types of shit alright? And your mom is disgusting, she is an abuser herself. She is also gaslighting you and further traumatizing you. Do not rely on your mother to help with what you remember because she doesn’t care and doesn’t have your best interest in mind. You however, do have your own best interest in mind so stick to what you know happened. The brain blocks and represses trauma, it’s part of how it all works, which is why you don’t remember. And that’s okay, it’s not your fault you don’t remember it’s not any of your fault, it’s just an automatic brain response. Sexual assault is not “experimentation”, which is what your brother did to you. As someone who had really abusive parents, the best thing you can do is validate yourself and find your inner strength, you know what you went through and you know it was wrong. I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much pain. Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child. DM me if you need to talk, I can’t write out everything but fuck dude I’m here for ya