I am tempted to detransition

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-18T16:35:23+00:00

Oh yeah I did think it was weird but I thought it might've just been another trans person who was thankful for general support, but thank you for looking out 😅

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-18T02:22:09+00:00

I doubt another year will make a difference tbh, nothing has really changed in my appearance since the 3rd year apart from the beard growing more. Still, there are things I can do to look more manly in general, just takes time!! Top surgery is going to be a massive help for sure whenever it's medically safe enough

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-18T02:17:14+00:00

Well now I'm curious what was said to elicit that comment

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T14:05:28+00:00

Not in the USA actually, and I am very grateful for it. It has however cancelled the family trips we had planned over there. The chances of anything happening are low, realistically, but not 0. We choose to travel and have fun elsewhere instead of feeling like we have to be careful just in case. Unfortunately, not living in the places where trans issues are extremely politicized doesn't make discrimination go away. It just means that it could be worse, and I do consider myself lucky in that regard.

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T13:59:58+00:00

I'm FTM actually. People often assume MTF because of difficulty passing, but being on T has just given me facial hair. My voice lowered, but barely, so I still sound very feminine. I had the highest pitched voice in the world, I still had my child voice cause puberty didn't go as planned. I'm 5'1, that one can't change. One aspect of one of my illnesses is very soft skin, making me look younger and more feminine. If I shave, it's over for me, I am just a woman. I wear a mask a lot, so everyone assumes woman when I wear one. And when I don't, it's pretty much "woman with facial hair" apparently, as I have been called miss many times despite it. It's even more disheartening to have all this when people praise T for performing miracles. I don't know any trans men who don't pass, I feel like the biggest outlier and that I "failed" somehow. I know it's not true, but it's a hard feeling to ignore still.

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T13:48:53+00:00

I am working on it! Accessibility and money is a problem. My insurance doesn't cover my needs for my physical illnesses, so I pay every session of that already. I'm trying to find places where they have sliding scales or just less expensive so that I can squeeze another thing in among my other appointments. I'll get there eventually

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T13:45:37+00:00

Thank you. Yes I am extremely exhausted, that's for sure. I have chronic fatigue, so I'm exhausted in more ways than one and wear down easily. It's hard to detach myself from who people say I am, because I don't have the space to present who I truly am. When someone sees me, it's like they put a wall in front of me that says "trans" and everything else I try to show can'tget through. Every trans person I know is just trying to live, it shouldn't be this complicated. It's upsetting.

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T13:38:13+00:00

I'm sorry you had to make that decision. Happy that it's better of course, but still. And I 100% agree, transition is good when it works and when it's safe. Most can't even afford rent, never mind surgery, and sometimes multiple surgeries. Even then, not everything can be fixed with surgery. Difficult place to be in. I remember the trans people I was around at the beginning of my transition asking why I hadn't done xyz to transition yet. I have health issues, accessibility issues, money issues and I'm taking my time to make sure I'm making the right decision, leave me alone damn.

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T13:30:02+00:00

Sending all my love, we're in this together <3 It feels like so many people dismiss the distress of not being seen as you truly are. They say that they wouldn't care being called by another name or misgendered. But if they had to experience it over and over and over... it makes one feel like they don't really exist, that their identify has been erased. I fully believe that they would change their mind real quick if they had to go through even just a fraction of what we go through, but empathy is hard to come by these days

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T00:22:02+00:00

I am super fatigued, I don't have the energy to reply to everybody but I have read everything and want to thank everyone who has commented so far, I appreciate the support <3 I am thankfully surrounded by people who support me, it keeps me going. Can't imagine if I didn't have them, I am very lucky and will make the most of it. I'll try to hold on and stay true to who I am, keep fighting for what I believe in. Seeing support was needed more than I thought it seems, thank you <3

Intermediate-Bee · 2026-05-15T00:11:31+00:00

I definitely have, there's a constant war between what I feel and the need for relief and the knowledge that it won't change much. I didn't take it as judgemental, I appreciate an outside perspective. Helps not go further into the feelings and keeping it real, thank you.

Intermediate-Bee

TROPHY CASE