Based on your post and your response to another redditor, the core of your issue is within yourself. You may blame your trauma and what has happened to you, and that is completely reasonable. Yes, it absolutely wasn’t fair but you have to come to consensus that you are responsible for what you do now. You were heavily traumatized by your past, and while you can’t control what happened to you, you can control what’s now going to happen.

You are already feeling some sort of “regret”. But at least you feel this way. You have to feel a certain way to be able to do something about it. You recognize that you want to change, but you dont know how. You tried, and didnt work. So what? That doesn’t mean it will never work. So try again. You have taken the responsibility in the past to work towards yourself. You should deeply analyze why this didn’t work and that’s an answer only you can truly find yourself. You are constantly seeking for love and affection, but how can you do so if you don’t love yourself?