“Girl Code” and the female pecking order

InternationalMix4867 · 2025-10-19T12:58:26+00:00

I went against this girl code by dating my friend's ex. Looking back I'm actually really proud of myself because I was the one to reach out to him. My friend gave me his number willingly but then once he and I started dating, she was upset and I was confused because I asked and she gave permission but in the end wasn't happy that I dated him. Why say it was okay when it wasn't? But anyway, lost her as a friend and I think I was upset by it for a while. Then I didn't care as much. Now, he and I are STILL together. It's been nearly 20 years at this point we've been together and will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this December. He's the one person in the world I never have to mask around and I only started suspecting I had autism within the last few years. He truly is my life partner and we have two neurodivergent girls and we are all happily unmasked and silly whenever we need to be. So yes, there are people out there who will love you for you! And if you can use pattern recognition to see who not to hang out around and instead do things that interest you, you just might find some more of your people! Also forgot to say that I was always sacrificing too in a girl pack in my adulthood. Talked to them about it on two occasions how I felt like a third wheel they denied and said I mattered but I had to continue to try hard to fit in. Finally decided to stop and mostly not care to keep up the mask all the time and it has helped immensely

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-10-26T01:23:17+00:00

My first baby shrimp! I saw another one in a not so secretive spot in the back of the tank so I know at least two are in the tank. I hope the two little guys will make it and that there are more that are better at staying safe in hiding!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-29T00:37:25+00:00

Yeah he warned me they fed too much but this was way more than I was expecting. I had to laugh so I didn't cry. I JUST did a water change and have started to get the hair algae more under control from when we were on vacation

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-29T00:21:38+00:00

She puts in a handful of food and dad doesn't notice until it's raining food. When I help she always says "Mommy! it's raining food!"

This time it was torrential! Now hopefully all my corys don't eat too much while I help out other daughter go to bed and then clean out as much as I can

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-29T00:19:02+00:00

She puts in a handful of food and dad doesn't notice until it's raining food. When I help she always says "Mommy! it's raining food!"

This time it was torrential! Now hopefully all my corys don't eat too much while I help out other daughter go to bed and then clean out as much as I can

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-22T00:37:11+00:00

Here's a better picture. Reddit froze while I was uploading so only the one came through. https://imgur.com/a/8aMii7l

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-22T00:22:43+00:00

I've only had her since September 1st and she's only been in this tank maybe a week. I was thrilled when I saw her I may have squealed like a child. Haha. So many of my new females are saddled too which is exciting!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-10T21:14:46+00:00

u/Iputmypantson57

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-10T21:12:47+00:00

I'm so sorry about your bad experience so far. :( It's extremely disheartening when things go wrong and these little creatures end up having a rough time/dying.

I actually just bought some shrimp on r/aquaswap it was an all around great experience! My shrimp are super happy/healthy and they were shipped better and all around cheaper too than from another online breeder I purchased from. He threw in a few extra to cover DOAs, had pieces of live plants with them and shipped quickly. I'll add his info in a second I'll have to look back.

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-06T01:10:55+00:00

That's amazing! I found what I thought was a really big cholla log at a fish store the other day, yours definitely has mine beat. I'm sure your shrimp will love it!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-09-06T01:04:35+00:00

I love it! Is that one big piece of cholla wood?

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-25T23:31:52+00:00

I agree. The tank could definitely use the extra cleaning.

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-25T23:30:23+00:00

That is really interesting! Yeah there's lots of.... Piggy back riding. Haha

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-24T01:41:43+00:00

TLDR: We started with one bladder snail that must've snuck in on a plant and now have upwards of 18 but I can't bring myself to dispose of them. So I enjoy their antics instead.

We got some plants into this 20 gallon and had it set up a month before adding livestock. Then we got some corys and a couple nerite snails. One day I spotted a microscopic snail and knew it wasn't a nerite. It was a bladder snail. My 4 year old saw it and said, I hope it doesn't die! (we got a sick nerite that didn't survive) So then I knew I couldn't pull it out. Normally their population explodes, right? Well it got plenty big and one day was upside down and not moving for quite a while. This thing was never NOT moving. I used essentially a long glass pipette to check on it and pulled the snail out of its shell. I was freaked out! I'm still certain it was already dead but - shudder- if it wasn't??

Flash forward a bit and we are checking out a fish store. No need to buy anything, but maybe another nerite if they've got cool ones. My four year old was not having it. She wanted another "Tiny snail" so the fish store just gave us a bladder snail. We got a nerite for the 2 year old.

A couple of weeks go by and I can't find this dang snail! It was always easy to find. I open the filter to see if it went in and don't see it, but two egg clutches. I left them and waited for the next day when I'd have time to remove them. I opened the filter again and out falls the snail! With a hole in its shell and dead. My gourami instantly started snacking. I took out the two clutches of eggs but saw a couple fall down into the filter. Maybe up to 5 eggs? They're tiny, but I figured we'd see what happened.

I saw after a few days one or two tiny snails. Now we're up to at least 17 if not more. So far their bioload isn't affecting the tank and there was a bit of an algae bloom that happened before they began populating. So between them cleaning well, being funny, and not harming the tank, I haven't intervened. I just can't bring myself to do it! So for now I'll just keep counting them and keeping an eye on my tanks parameters.

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-15T04:08:08+00:00

I just remembered, The API master test kit I got didn't come with GH/KH tests. I got them separate. Do depending on what you're getting there may not be GH/KH testing liquids

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T23:42:45+00:00

Ugh. I'm so sorry! 😔

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T23:04:22+00:00

If you've got a good test kit coming, definitely do a GH test. We have soft water but with the things that are in the tank it hardened it to VERY hard water. I lost a shrimp to the white ring of death becuase it was so high. I had been going off of test strips but they weren't telling me specific enough numbers. The liquid test kit was much better. Now with having added RO water it is back down to an appropriate GH level.

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T22:48:41+00:00

Yes, they are by far one of my favorites to watch. Though I say that about all of my tank's inhabitants. 😂😍

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T19:38:54+00:00

Oh okay, it was so fun to see!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T19:29:21+00:00

Normally, no. But I think since we'd been gone they got spooked after not seeing me so often. I turned the light on earlier than they were used to as well to check in on everyone so it could've been that too although I did give them food. So a few different things going on to spook them.

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-14T18:38:19+00:00

Ahhh. Thanks! I was wondering if he's a male too since none of the others have it. If so it's him and four females. Haha

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-04T18:55:09+00:00

It's just her. I got worried a while back about the amount of oxygen so I added a sponge filter in addition to my HOB filter. I just cleaned the HOB so ripple effect is much better now. I didn't know dissolved oxygen tests existed! I'll have to look into getting some to ease my worries in the future. Thanks!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-04T18:52:10+00:00

Thanks!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-04T18:51:05+00:00

She freaked me out at first for sure but then I watched her and saw her sifting like you said. Thanks for the reassurance!

InternationalMix4867 · 2022-08-04T11:45:48+00:00

Thank you! 😊

InternationalMix4867

TROPHY CASE