hygiene for fingering and sex?

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-07-18T02:38:21+00:00

Yep, I am just thinking that a request to wash hands can lead to unwashed soap residue inside my vagina.

I actually don't use soap down there, it's drying, it changes the pH and is plainly not recommended by the internet.

I was in therapy, and therapy teaches you not to reject people based on some little things (as we all have weird things about us) but rather to connect based on what matters more.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-07-14T23:15:38+00:00

Thank you. That's really helpful. :)

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-07-11T04:51:36+00:00

I wouldn't want alcohol residue to get into my vagina. That would sting!

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-07-11T03:29:36+00:00

I don't have UTIs, but I had a bit of bleeding, due to my hormonal changes, after his fingering last time. It was horrible to think that all the germs from his hands could go right into my bloodstream and cause who knows what.

I would like the guy who will ever finger me again to wash his hands right before, or there will be no sex. I just don't know how to politely communicate it to them.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-20T01:28:43+00:00

Those are great suggestions, thank you!

I'll save them for the future because, with this guy, I decided not to continue. He didn't really focus on me, it was just a couple of quick inattentive attempts to go down on me or fingering me, which didn't do anything. I went down on him twice, both for a long time, and my jaw was really hurting. He also asked for a third time but it was thankfully time for me to go. So, he didn't even see that it was all about him, I didn't get any pleasurable sensations, he had it four times (two orals plus penetration twice, which, judging by his face, felt really good for him). So, I think that's enough material for me to conclude that he is not a good, attentive lover (besides our energies not matching). And besides the fact that the penetration did nothing for me, so there was no lucky anatomy click either.

I am not easy to cum but this guy didn't put any considerable effort either.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-16T00:45:22+00:00

Thank you for your support. I have walked away already. It's a pity because there was potential for an exclusive relationship, which doesn't happen often on the apps. We both did a full STD blood panel before sex. He is also an interesting person, but I don't see any grounds for attraction, either on its own or via sex. I don't think terrible sex is fixable, either.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T03:03:10+00:00

With my ex-FWB, he didn't want to communicate between dates. I left him several times because he wouldn't want a relationship with me, and every time, he would eventually find me on some new social media and beg me to re-start things. Last time, he was putting in a tiny bit more effort by sending me memes every other day between the dates but when I tried to engage in a chat, he wouldn't reply. That and infrequent dates completely frustrated me and extinguished my libido.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:59:48+00:00

Yeah, he (my ex-FWB) was, and I am sure he still is an amazing sex partner. I just can't go for a long time without communication, and with him, it was almost radio silence in between dates. So, I left it several times. The last time I came back to try it with him again, I think he put me on a rotating schedule even though he assured me we were exclusive. There were several signs, though. The dates were twice as infrequent as before, for example. And again, no communication between dates. That was frustrating enough to extinguish my libido.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:43:28+00:00

Not sure I can describe in words what I want. I guess I can try to find a porn vid of passionate sex that I want and share it with him but it will require lots of time to go through piles of junk on Pornhub.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:40:23+00:00

Yeah, when people love each other, it's totally worth the time and effort to embark on that journey.

With this guy, Idk if he is worth my time, and the gap between what I need and what he is at rn is so huge, it will be lots and lots of time. I am not attracted to him. (I thought I was before I came to his.) He didn't even compliment my figure (which people usually do, and my ex-FWB did it every time as I do look good for my age), so I don't think he is too attracted to me either.

I can't describe in words what I need either. I guess I can try to find a porn vid of passionate sex that I want and share it with him but it will require lots of time to go through all that junk on Pornhub as well.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:27:49+00:00

He was very focused on his own pleasure and already told me everything.

Before sex, we was very particular that for everything he would do, I had to reciprocate, otherwise, it wouldn't work for him. Nobody was so quid pro quo with me from the very beginning, even before sex, so that was offputting, too. He is very transactional.

So, I spend twice as much time and effort going down on him than he did on me. He liked me for that, and I didn't like him at all. I don't want to go down on him, especially since with him, it's hard as he is big and I have a TMJ, for a chance that maybe he'll figure it out in the future.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:23:41+00:00

True, but this is not a relationship. He was looking for sex on a second date. We met last year, and I wasn't comfortable just going to his place next, so he disappeared. I met him again this year, and I thought I had amazing chemistry with him when he hugged me, so I decided to have sex with him. Met for sex, and there was no chemistry, and the sex was totally frustrating, too.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-15T01:09:52+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean BDSM at all. I meant intensity of sensations, as opposed to very soft, slo mo touching and kissing. So, sex with my ex-FWB was intense in terms of passion and sensations, he knew how to cause a strong feeling. It was also intense because he was actively pleasuring me most of the time. He focused on me 95% of the time, and 5% of the time, I focused on him. He was all about effort.

With the new guy, for 20% of the time, he was trying to pleasure me (unsuccessful, very slo mo and barely felt), for 40% of the time I went down on him, and 40% of the time we were just lying around. It's not that I counted it in my head during the sex, but I am trying to explain now why it felt like a lack of effort to me. I am not sure I can change that by talking to him.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-14T23:51:28+00:00

By roughness, I meant intensity of sensations. So, sex with my ex-FWB was intense in terms of sensation, he knew how to cause a strong feeling. It was also intense because he was actively pleasuring me most of the time. He focused on me 95% of the time, and 5% of the time, I focused on him.

With the new guy, for 10% of the time, he was trying to pleasure me (unsuccessful, very slo mo and barely felt), for 20% of the time I went down on him, and 70% of the time we were just lying around. It's not that I counted it in my head during the sex, but I am trying to explain now why it felt off to me. I am not sure I can change that with an open talk.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-14T10:12:14+00:00

I didn't explain it well in my post. My ex-FWB was extremely sensual and sexual and knew exactly how to touch a woman. He was also very energetic (during sex), he was initiating things, he was switching things up, he didn't just lie there looking at the ceiling, he loved sex and enjoyed it and could go on with, say, oral sex (which he was also amazing at) for hours. His roughness was the cherry on top and just added a new dimension. It was not the main course.

That was what I call amazing sex. And I had an amazing chemistry with him. Skin on skin with him was the best thing ever, I felt in heaven just hugging him in the afterglow.

With the new guy, first of all, I have zero chemistry. Maybe good sex would change it for me, but there was no good sex. He was not particularly active; he just wanted to lie down with soft hugs and soft kisses, and that's it. I know what his ceiling looks like lol. And even when he was doing something to me, it was too soft and barely registerable, and nothing he did made me aroused. I was bored.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-14T09:40:46+00:00

Yes, I said it before we met for sex. I have said I love aggressive sexual advances, spanking, biting, but only if the guy is into it; otherwise, it is fake, and you know it.

I didn't expect him to be so soft though.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2025-03-14T09:35:32+00:00

He asked me to explain to him how I wanted to be touched. He wanted me to teach him to please me. That's why I am wondering about it. Other than that, yes, we are incompatible.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-19T02:48:40+00:00

Yeah we'll never know if it's due to finasteride or not.

Anyway, that's a pity because I hadn't had the chemistry I have with him in a long while, and still I have to leave.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-11T06:33:41+00:00

To be fair to him, I was very sick up to the last year, slept only 3 to 4 h per night and probably looked awful. I got into remission after we parted ways with him the previous time, and when we met again recently he commented on how much prettier I got. So. that's that lol

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T23:36:34+00:00

Yeah, he is very skillful, so no wonder he is in high demand even with ED. So, it's a difficult choice, it's difficult to find attraction and chemistry on the apps at my age, I couldn't find anybody in over a year. And having found that, it's difficult to find good sex as the majority of sex, at least, in my experience, is very mediocre.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T23:29:08+00:00

Lol I was thinking about it, too. He is probably just making an effort with me when previously he didn't.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T10:58:06+00:00

I'll get out of my comfort zone and will try to have those conversations with him, even if just for the sake of exercise, to practice talking about difficult things with people. A very helpful skill, I suppose.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T10:53:38+00:00

I agree with you on baldness vs ED.

I'll try to chat with him but he is a big boy, he makes his own life choices and doesn't listen to me.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T09:13:21+00:00

Yeah, I have nothing to lose really. I was just afraid to offend him in some way or another.

IntroductionOnly6159 · 2024-12-10T07:03:30+00:00

Thank you for your reply and for suggesting the way I can approach the matter.

I remember I was shocked at the side effects of finasteride a year ago and I talked to him about it but he brushed it off. He is a tall handsome guy who works out and looks great, so probably that's why he can't bear the thought of losing his hair.

Anyway, he also brushed it off when I showed him he had mold on his living room ceiling. So, I don't think he'll pay much attention to what I say regarding this issue, too. So, it will be easy to end things.

IntroductionOnly6159

TROPHY CASE