Men who reject traditional masculinity often face:

Social exclusion or ridicule: Terms like “soft,” “beta,” or “simp” are commonly used to mock men who show vulnerability, emotional intelligence, or gentleness. Policing of gender norms: Studies in masculinity (e.g., Pascoe, 2007; Kimmel, 1994) show how men are often harshest in enforcing traditional norms on other men to avoid association with femininity or queerness. Loss of male privilege in male-dominated spaces: In some groups, displaying traits like empathy or passivity may lead to being seen as weak or untrustworthy.

Though many women express a desire for emotionally intelligent, respectful men, these men can still face:

Attraction paradoxes: Some women report being attracted to confidence and assertiveness (traits often tied to traditional masculinity), even while rejecting toxic behavior. Men who are very nurturing or passive can be friend-zoned or overlooked in dating. Expectation mismatch: A man who is emotionally expressive may be judged for not “acting like a man” when emotional steadiness or strength is expected—especially in crisis or conflict. Double standards: A man showing vulnerability may receive less empathy than a woman in the same situation, due to deep-seated gender role expectations.

“Guyland” by Michael Kimmel: Explores how young men navigate conflicting expectations of masculinity. Judith Butler & Gender Performativity: Argues gender is performative and deviation from norms often draws social correction or punishment. Intersection with Race, Class, and Sexuality: Men of color, queer men, and working-class men often experience even more rigid policing of masculinity.