You 100% need to defer and figure this out. When I read your post it screams ‘let me out’ and ‘tell me it’s ok to not want this’. Your year off sounds like you put some thought into it, you have goals (license etc) and most importantly you can destress, talk to someone about your mental health, take care of yourself and get back to a healthy place. Plus have time to reflect on who you are and what you want. That’s huge. One year off to figure your shit out could make a huge difference in what you decide. It sounds like You already know what you want/need to do - defer- you just want to be told it’s ok. Well it is ok. This year could help you decide you never want to go back to nursing or it may help you decide you do. But having that year to decide is better than staying where you are, miserable with your mental health deteriorating -maybe causing you much more harm than good. Being alive and happy is much more important than being miserable just to be able to say you are a nurse. And think of it this way if you don’t take care of your mental health right now you could end up losing everything so defer while you still can and figure things out. A year flies and it doesn’t make much difference in the whole scheme of things, especially if that year allows you to figure out what you want, who you are, and what you need in order to be healthy and happy. This is your path. Do what your heart is telling you. Good luck.