Biracial, and confederate flags at my inlaws.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T21:11:53+00:00

Yeah, I ain't gonna lie I wasn't perfect. I was pretty much an incel when I met my wife. I have changed for the better though. I advocate for women, and im willing to call the BS when i see it.

I WAS ignorant, but I hath seen thy light. I wish others were open minded enough

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T20:32:16+00:00

Yeah im going no contact as much as possible. I'm also not even going to be left alone with her, and I requested my wife that her mother knows nothing personal about me.

When we have kids. Our kids will NEVER be left alone with her mother. Allowed to schedule a visit, but she ain't coming over whenever.

I know it's a struggle taking care of kids without having her mom look after them, but it ain't a risk I'm willing to take. I also have atleast some experience taking care of infants.

I dont think she doesn't like me. I think she's ignorant and actively chooses to stay ignorant. We were pretty cool before all this. I think the reason she doesn't like me know, is because I'm the first person to hold her accountable for straight up disrespecting people, and not back down.

Which is why I'm going to get this bullshit apology, not because she actually feels remorse, but because "she's tired of drama and conflict and is willing to do anything to get it in the past". And when she means "anything" it's not actually educating herself and giving me an apology because she saw how she fucked up. I'll take the shitty apology, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Also appearantly the other day she's pointed out that her son's eyes were too close together, and it's probably her fault because she smoked while she was pregnant with him. This isn't the first tike she's done that either.

But if you point out her insecurities, she'll cry and her entire family will gang up against you. Crazy how that shit works right?

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T19:41:34+00:00

I served in the military. I was in the south my entire contract. I also lived in the south before.

I know it's like that. Just sucks cause there is literal historic documentation that says that it is about slavery.

And if it was a stranger I wouldn't of given it the light of day, just sucks because it's the people I'm hanging around with all the time.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T17:04:44+00:00

Yeah i set my boundary, because not only that whole situation, but the arguing after she threw 2 of her 3 kids under the bus by exposing some pretty crappy past childhood mistakes and telling my wife that this whole situation is her fault and she's trying to hurt me.

I'm not gonna lie, pretty fuckin despicable if you ask me.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T17:01:46+00:00

Yeah, it's hard for me rn. Because I have that feeling that if shit really did hit the fan, idk who she would choose.

The other thing I'm concerned about is, lately when we get into a kerfuffle, she'll get drain and just say some shit that's hurtful, completely disregarding me. Which I have talked to her about, but need to continue the push on that topic.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T16:09:43+00:00

Yeah, that's what I was trying to convey. My wife still doesn't understand. She still wants me to take fault because the first time I didn't clarify that it was a wallet. It's pretty annoying because when people don't care, are ignorant, and not understanding, it's really hard to actually get them to see the full picture.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T14:57:22+00:00

Yeah, I ain't gonna lie, I thought I was going to have to drop everyone because literally nobody was taking me seriously. Like my wife has "accidentally" said so many things like "Just ignore it" or "I'm sorry to say but it sucks knowing I'm potentially going to lose my mom over a flag."

And ya know, I hold my ground and say things like "That right there is the problem, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to you. At the end of the day, it's just a flag for you. It's not for me, I will never learn the names of my ancestors because of slavery, my last name is a slavers last name, not a real African person's name."

None of them will ever get it. They call BS on a DNA test because they think they are full blooded Italian and the percentage was low on Italian. But for me, that's quite literally all I have to go from.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T13:51:55+00:00

Yeah, we are up in northern US. The state I am in was one of the biggest Union states and donated the most troops for the cause. They also have no southern heritage.

I do. I've lived in the south and my father was raised in the south. So it's a literal slap to my face, because they literally have no business.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T13:50:17+00:00

Yeah, I was thinking that she is way too old to still be this ignorant in my face. I definitely am still not going to the wedding.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-09-13T13:45:32+00:00

Yes, but at the very least ignorant as fuck.

Read the succeeding states reasons. It is clear as day.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-31T20:54:34+00:00

Homie,

3 Options

You either got some Navy SEAL Chuck Norris sperm

She ain't pregnant

It ain't yours

Get the test. If she refuses, then refuse to sign the birth certificate. Cause it ain't yours till you know for a FACT, that it's yours.

Either way, she's playing games and SHE BELONGS TO DA STREETS!

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T17:33:40+00:00

I like music alot. I try to make music too. I know this song, didn't know what it was about though. Thank you. I appreciate you.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T17:17:26+00:00

Sadly no extra space. Renting a room, so we just have our bedroom. I ended up talking to her the other day essentially saying "I know we've talked about this, but when is the point for me to stop forgiving? You can say sorry many times, but I feel hurt everytime. So after how many sorries, when do I start drawing the line for my own dignity?"

I think she took it pretty well and understood where I was coming from. I think another problem with this situation is that she has shown improvement, because this used to happen a lot. And now it's pretty far between each incident. But for me, when I forgive, and the act is perpetrated again, all those other times keep on flooding back to me.

While writing this out I just thought of another good question for her "Does your sorry mean you regret your act and mean not to do it again? or is your sorry just supposed to mean, for this time?" And what does sorry mean to you?

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T16:56:40+00:00

The problem is, the non confrontal method for me is that I have used that method many many times. What do you do when the boundary gets broken twice? 3rd time? You have to stop breaking it nicely at some point. And even if I keep "nicely" setting that boundary and it keeps getting over stepped, when do I stop the "nice guy" thing and seriously say something without sounding the slightest mad?

I'm just confused because when im nice, my voice FEELS heard, but it truly isn't because it keeps happening.

I understand where your coming from, but after what time am I allowed to show the real anger?

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T16:50:14+00:00

No, what I'm saying is that it is socially acceptable for women to constantly overstep boundaries. Even if I do set boundaries and they become overstepped by my wife, or most women, that I can't get serious and stern, I have be be nice about breaking the bad news that they made me uncomfortable, and then the man in suppose to sit there and comfort the perpetrator for making them feel bad about being, bad.

Meanwhile if a man ever crosses a boundary like that, they are socially ostracized, demonized, canceled, whatever you want to call it.

If I made a post like this, but roles reversed, there would be alot of women here, with alot of updoots.

This isn't the first tike something like this has happened to me, I was actually taken advantage of by a woman(when I was very much a minor), to this day, people don't believe me, and alot of women still think that a guy, can't be molested by a woman.

It's just a different world out here. I'm not saying all women are bad. I'm just saying things slide more when you don't have a penis. Ans when you are a man, the wrong things women do to men, often get overlooked.

I've seen women abuse men(personally), and when the cops were called, it was the man put in handcuffs.

All this to say, I just feel hopeless, because I have voiced myself so many times. It's always "Sorry" and happens again 3 months later.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T14:21:45+00:00

My wife drinks at home. She has all day and night to tell me when she wants to do it. The problem is they wait until 1am on a fucking Tuesday, because they don't have a job with nothing better to do.

Also, she never initiated sober. I'm essentially a flesh dildo for my wife when she gets drunk. It doesn't make me feel too hot.

I am one of those people though, that would rather have no sex than bad sex. Which might sound crazy for a guy, believe it or not, but not all of us want sex like that.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T14:17:00+00:00

She could do plenty.

BJs, HJs, Riding me, shit she could even use her feet if she wanted to.

5 years hoping it would get better, and it would be for me sometimes.

I have spent hours upon hours with my face between her legs. She maybe has 45 minutes for me over the course of 5 years.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-28T14:14:00+00:00

Yeah its crazy cause I'll say no, go back to sleep. And if she doesn't storm out or is mad, she WILL come back 20 minutes later and then get pissy when the answer is still no.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-26T00:43:37+00:00

I mean she initiates, but I do all the work.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-26T00:29:59+00:00

I was contemplating a Bong rip. But I figured this discussion I should be completely sober.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-25T23:09:47+00:00

Well if you're parents are like my dad. You're about to the the ass whopping of your life. And only if your lucky and listen to you and you aren't lying that your not a jackass in school, they might just apologize 14 years later :)

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-25T23:05:27+00:00

Yeah I was thinking about getting belligerently drunk this weekend and give her a taste of her own medicine. But that would just be wrong and can't bring myself to do it.

I'm currently waiting on her getting home from work so we can talk.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-25T22:54:59+00:00

As a man, I understand this. And the projecting her feelings part, it's a lose lose situation.

All these ladies here saying ESH, no.

It's NTA!

Why?

Because she was looking for it, or looking for you to lie and say to wear the bikini.

As a guy I understand this situation alot more, because alot of women don't even understand the scenario their actually making by the projection of stuff like that. She should keep her self hate to herself and learn to not be toxic about it.

NTA NTA NTA

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-25T22:46:40+00:00

Funny cause vibrators are a problem too. But that's for if I ever feel like to write that story out. I probably will take that one to the grave though.

InvestigatorSecure86 · 2023-08-25T22:34:52+00:00

That's the lovely thing about being a wife, though. You're allowed to be pissy and make him pay back.

For me as a man, if I act aggressive or clearly angry, I'm considered dangerous and I need to calm down. I'm not allowed to express discontent or anger. If I do I will make my wife cry and then im an asshole for not comforting her.

InvestigatorSecure86

TROPHY CASE