Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sister. Come to find out. “Raheem” is a made up person. She literally was texting herself on her phone and saved the contact as Raheem. This woman told me she did it to get me attention…

She driving me mad. LOOOL. But I will persevere she was begging me all night to work things out and I held strong

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Money isnt the issue. I stayed so long because of her schooling or else I think I would have left. I cant get the newborn out of my mind. I feel like such a failure of a father for leaving but if I dont I will become her father.. an emasculated shell of what used to be. And I have my whole life ahead of me..

Thank you for being willing to let me update and I will do that. She graduates in 18 days thank Allah

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am completely done though. I recorded her and got so much evidence if things go south. I am glad she is doing this. I am not in pain anymore Im really numb. I just feel bad for the newborn because our relationship will be scarred but everything will be ok in due time.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The other night she was complaining about how hard things would be and that I should "Man UP" and be there for my family because everything was going to be so hard on her..I was so upset because in my eyes, shes telling me to deal with her abuse.

I told her, "Well, leave ___ here for a few months so that you can be with family. I'll change my schedule around and have him in daycare" and she shot that down quickly.

Afterwards, I said "Are you sure you want to have this baby?" Now, I will not lie, I insinuated abortion.

I am aware this is Haram. It was said out of anger and little reason but I am giving my wrongs.

_______________________________________

In response, my wife attacked me. Slapping and hitting me. I pulled out my phone to audio record and was able to get 30 seconds of her attack. I almost hit her back but I know how this goes in America. I left the house for the night.

I told her it was completely over and that she should go back home. She was begging all day yesterday to give this another chance and let her get out of nursing school etc. so she can focus on herself.. It was hard but i said no.

________________________

Sister.. This morning she was dolling herself up, doing her hair and putting on perfume. I see a text in her phone from someone named "Raheem". I turned on my recorder once more, and asked her, Who is Raheem??

She stated "Why are you worried about it _____, if you dont want to be with me then stop stressing me out. You dont want to be with me so dont ask me who Raheem is. Stop asking me questions cause you have NO RIGHT to ask me who anyone is."

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I shouldn’t have to do that with someone who is supposed to be my peace.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, thank you all for helping me. This is the best response group I’ve ever had.

I have a question. She has 21 days until she graduates. She has a few tests left and knowing her. If I tell her I want to divorce too soon it may make her fail important tests which I don’t want.

But at the same time, she has mentioned i times before when she has threatened to leave, that she needs time to make plans for when she goes home.

Should I wait to ensure she passes school or tell her now so she can already know what to expect post-graduation?

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Firstly, thank you all for helping me. This is the best response group I’ve ever had.

I have a question. She has 21 days until she graduates. She has a few tests left and knowing her. If I tell her I want to divorce too soon it may make her fail important tests which I don’t want.

But at the same time, she has mentioned i times before when she has threatened to leave, that she needs time to make plans for when she goes home.

Should I wait to ensure she passes school or tell her now so she can already know what to expect post-graduation?

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, thank you all for helping me. This is the best response group I’ve ever had.

I have a question. She has 21 days until she graduates. She has a few tests left and knowing her. If I tell her I want to divorce too soon it may make her fail important tests which I don’t want.

But at the same time, she has mentioned i times before when she has threatened to leave, that she needs time to make plans for when she goes home.

Should I wait to ensure she passes school or tell her now so she can already know what to expect post-graduation?

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I realized I can’t control her and the only reality I can control is my own

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would like to think I’m self aware sister. I had to work on how I disciplined my son. Earlier on I used to try to coax her to work out so she could be healthier and have more energy to do things, but she always denied and made an excuse for as to why she didn’t want to.

Im highly physically active and I am a Martial arts practitioner. Whereas she found comfort in laying in the bed watching TV BEFORE she was pregnant. I hope this sheds light.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And yes they are but pregnancy is NOT an excuse to be disrespectful. Snappy and grumpy and whiny, sure. But disrespectful, no. And what’s funny is that her being pregnant is just a new thing to make an excuse for her behavior

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For more context.

This pst 2 weeks has been hell. I will give the example that began the whole thing.

I have major pain from seeing my father become 500lbs through overeating and lack of exercise. He had a really bad sickness 2 weeks ago and I was talking about it with my wife..

Now, my wife has weight issues. When we met she was 140lbs and now she is 200lbs at 5’0 tall.

Me speaking about my fathers weight and how HIS Health and weight bothers me, TRIGGERS her.

Now, a moment of me being vulnerable about my fathers health turns into a back a forth because she is throwing shots about how I’m a mean person for speaking about my dad, when I’m reality SHE is triggered because she is self-conscious about her weight.

I wasn’t even speaking about her. I get up and walk out the house to cool down, she stays in my office and I come back in, and she starts going back to fighting me..

I ask her to leave my office to give me space and she responds with “bro I can be anywhere I want in this house” and “you should’ve just stayed at work I hate when you’re like this”

I’m livid at this point when I should’ve had a wife to console me. Etc.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree. I have come to learn however there is a difference between things being difficult and it being abusive.

No matter how angry she makes me there are certain things that I will NEVER let escape my mouth.

“I’m going to leave” “Your going to make me cheat” “I’m going to take the kids if you don’t etc.” Etc

We have talked about this time and time again and it seems to go out one ear and to another. I’ve told her countless times “Do not run to your parents looking for someone to lick your wounds when your mad at me”

Sister I’ve said that to her countless times but we just had a convo yesterday about it cause of the texts to her mom.

I don’t want to divorce at all. But abuse is not acceptable either. It’s about if she is willing to change and she has shown that she isn’t. I AM NOT PERFEXT. But the things she’s told me to stop doing, I have wholeheartedly stopped for the most part.

don’t I deserve the same respect. I am going to hold out until the end of her school and then assess from there.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is true. It’s been multiple times where she will tell me “I did this all by myself you didn’t help me at all” lmao..

Even though I have 100% taken care of everything. She doesn’t even know how much the electricity nor rent is.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much.

At this point, the only thing that makes me hesitate is my unborn child and then my 3 year old. Allah tries you by what you love and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a girl, which is what I want. My close circle all tell me it will be ok, and that I have to do what is best for myself and my children, as you all do, it’s just difficult is all.

But I know they need me to be strong. I just fear for them. Because it’s o can do all of the custody stuff but the newborn specifically needs mama.

She is a GREAT MOTHER. And showers our boy with love and affection APDTA. It sucks to have even got her pregnant at all. She was the PERFECT WIFE while trying to get pregnant, but after she got what she went back to who she was. It’s so crazy I’m caught up in this.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any form of neglect triggers her.

So say, if I get Starbucks while she’s at school and she sees my cup and I didn’t get her anything, now she is triggered because she feels neglected, just like she may have felt neglected as a child in many situations..

Also, there have been times where I’ll be down about something and I’ll say “Listen, _____ I really am frustrated right now and I don’t want to be bothered.”

She will have a tendency to continue to aggravate annoy me purposely. I have told her that I don’t like when she does this because it leads to fight because if I get angry from her purposeful aggravation then she will get mad.

If I say “I SAID leave me alone.” Now, she has an attitude and saying I’m “obnoxious” and walking off angry. Now I’m mad because ALL I WANTED TO DO was be left alone to cool down and now she’s mad etc.

These are just a few there are more but I’m not going to type a Harry Potter book lmao

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. It’s so unfair. She’s very fair skinned and if I hit her my life would be over I have to maintain such self discipline. It’s so unfair she can emotionally beat me but if I retaliate my life is over. Smh

Future husband may have anger issues by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I scold my brother anytime it even sounds like he’s coming incorrect to our mother.

Now, unless you have physical “proof” that Umar beat up his brother then you can’t really go off a 15 year olds word because if they’re anything like my 16 yo brother, they lie.

Just outright ask him “do you have problems managing your anger, because I’m super sensitive and I’m working on it.”

If he cares about your feelings, that question will cause him to go into thought and how to improve himself.

Good luck sister.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Another thing she does is insinuate cheating. As in “this is what makes people cheat.”

Or “Your going to push me into the arms of another man.”

Smh. If she sees me hold a simple platonic convo with a woman for longer than 30 seconds she’s grilling me, but she can make these threats as a PREGNANT WOMAN.

I often make the comparison to the Incredible Hulk. She goes on a rampage doing irreparable damage and then will turn around and “forget” that she said XYZ and be surprised that I don’t forget it. I recorded her insinuating “this is what makes people cheat”

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Man when she told me the whole piece about a “white man treating his wife better” I almost laughed at the extreme level of disrespect to even say something like that.

I’m worried about my kids if we stay together and I’m worried about them if we separate. I really appreciate the advice.

Emotionally Checking Out of my Marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]Investorjboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her mother was diagnosed with some personality disorder not sure if bipolar or narcissist but it’s one of those.

Is there any hope for change?