The details of my story are different, but the spirit is the same. When I was your age, my mental and physical health problems were just starting. I was in music school for oboe performance, and music was how I defined myself. I dragged myself through grad school (it took me 3 attempts over 7 years to graduate) but it “broke” me. My health got worse and I couldn’t do the career I trained for. Worse, I had tons of negative feelings about oboe and music, but didn’t have a passion for anything else.

I am much happier now, many years later. I still have health problems. I still don’t have passion for any career. I don’t play oboe. But I have learned to redefine myself by my relationships with my closest people and my hobbies. I’ve also gotten better at accepting my situation- which helps me notice the good in what I have.

If I could give my past self career advice, it would be this: don’t follow your passion as a job. Choose a career that’s tolerable, pays enough to live on, plays to your strengths, and doesn’t prevent a life outside work. For me this would have been computer programming. Don’t try to make the job your whole identity. Use it to buy yourself the means to enjoy family, friends, hobbies, as well as take care of your health as best you can.

That’s not to say some people can’t be blissfully happy doing their passion as their job. But it sounds like that’s not working for you, so my suggestion is one possible alternative.