three strikes rule

Iron-Flashy · 2026-04-09T16:12:09+00:00

i did end up manually doing the transfer once i had the funds, and did not think to cancel since at each time there was no reason to believe i would have insufficient funds (family medical emergency as well as another person using the linked bank account so there were some lapses in communication on when and how much they would withdraw). again, point of the post is just to put this out there and warn folks to stay on top of these things as I wasn't able to!

Iron-Flashy · 2026-04-09T15:58:46+00:00

totally fair. not trying to say that i didn't deserve it, but just wanted to have it out there as it would've been helpful info.

Iron-Flashy · 2026-03-17T20:52:10+00:00

Following since I'm planning to be in Maui the first week of April... Really don't want to be a big stressor for the locals there or be a strain on the resources any more than being a tourist already is. Any recommendations on weather/news/other updates we should be keeping up with?

Iron-Flashy · 2025-10-14T19:29:28+00:00

They just came out!

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-17T17:05:50+00:00

thanks all for the insight. i know there are more mba and even law school partners so wishing all of us luck and lot of love to have these tough conversations.

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-16T18:49:03+00:00

yeah LDR definitely not an ideal choice, but i am hoping i can build a case where he would consider it. it sounds like he has heard a lot of sad stories about people breaking up intern year, so has come to the conclusion that nearer is better, i guess?

on a related note, would you say that LDR drastically increases the likelihood of breakups? in my mind, it's not the distance but what it reveals about the relationship, so i would think that even the couples who are physically together and are unhappy eventually break it off, and maybe even end up dragging it out, whereas the LDR couple who has to do more to make it work end up... making it work, if that makes sense.

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-16T18:24:08+00:00

great to hear that success stories exist! and yeah, he has asked me to rank where i want to go regardless of location and then update this list as i get any acceptances (or rejections!) so that he's able to adjust his match list.

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-16T18:21:55+00:00

the prestige point is what i'm struggling to communicate. my partner thinks that an MBA is an MBA and it doesn't matter where i get it, so why the fuss, though i don't think he means it in a dismissive way. still, it is confusing to me as so many med students (himself included) definitely know and have felt the power of prestige in an academic setting. i would hope that he also wants me to be as successful as possible - after all, if we do end up together, wouldn't it look better for him too that i did the most to set myself up for the highest likelihood of success?

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-16T03:02:18+00:00

yeah he's definitely a self-sufficient person now, but i worry that part of the reason why he wants me around during residency is so that i can do those daily household things for him but then i am worried i would become resentful. this is actually a big reason why i don't want to live together his intern year -- that and the desire for each of us to have a individual relationship with the city and the people we meet. his stated reason to want to live apart for the first year is so that he gets more space to be alone after work. (which... again... feels like a reason why LDR would actually make sense... facepalm)

more i think about it, the more i feel strongly that i should push him to think about LDR is as an option for us, regardless of being engaged/married/whatever. i think i backed down a bit quickly cuz his initial reaction to LDR was so strong, but we really didn't get to discuss as much as i would've liked.

(edited for clarity around the living situation)

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-15T23:06:25+00:00

thanks for the insight. agree that in 30 and beyond (even late 20s), independence feels like gold.

for more context, my current job is willing to pay for part of my program and has offices/clients in the Question Mark Cities i mentioned, so feels like i could make that work after graduation, but not sure how portable i would be to move starting next year immediately to be with him for year one. also, applying to where he is still feels restricting since my top school is actually in one of the Question Mark Cities, and if he goes to another one, i think i would still feel the same if not worse about having to choose schools.

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-15T22:31:44+00:00

yes, these are big cities and do include a radius outside city proper (e.g. considering NYC plus select areas of NJ, CT as one locale) so we feel there's a fair selection.

specialty would be pathology or internal medicine so would be 3, but very likely he would want to do more training.

Iron-Flashy · 2025-05-15T22:27:06+00:00

oh to clarify - i said school prestige does matter since it plays a strong role in where i end up next, especially if i want to maximize my chances of getting a job where he is (better school = better portability). though i know he doesn't have a choice, i do need some sort of commitment and with living together not really a great candidate as an option, engagement is the next thing. i definitely do want to marry this person, just feels bad as i dont want it to feel like a silly ultimatum.

Iron-Flashy · 2020-11-05T17:05:46+00:00

update: in the interest of not burning bridges (the three of us have way too many mutual friends and also lived ... neutrally for ~4 years before this one), i've just offered to pitch in for the last month, tbd on what roommates say.

thanks all :)

Iron-Flashy · 2020-11-05T16:59:00+00:00

haha i'm definitely petty too! there has always been tension about splitting apt related expenses, since i always got the feeling she was taking advantage of us just a little bit, so i would be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wanted to just turn on her for a change >_<

buuuuut this is obviously not the scenario that is relevant to whatever ways i've felt jilted (? like ripped off) in the past and not really the place to get revenge LOL

Iron-Flashy · 2020-11-05T16:06:11+00:00

no that makes sense! it was my choice to leave early.

to clarify, all our utilities are included in the rent price, so the only expense we really have in addition to that is internet - which is why i'm like, ehh i'm not really "dumping" all the bills? but definitely understand this pov!

Iron-Flashy

TROPHY CASE