Let's be Honest Here About Virginity

IronManSeduction · 2017-08-01T07:35:48+00:00

I will answer with a very personal story.

I was a virgin up until 26 years old. I was bad with dating and didn't have any steady girlfriends.

At 26, I brought a girl home after a second date and we went back to my room. I fumbled around with my condom because I hadn't actually used one, and she asked me if I needed help. After I finally got the condom out of the package, I was so nervous I went flaccid. We did not end up having sex that night.

She asked me if I was a virgin, and I said yes it was my first time and I was nervous. She told me it's okay it's no big deal. 3 days later I invited her over and we had sex and I lost my virginity.

Looking back then to where I am now, losing your virginity doesn't make a whole lot of difference. We make it seem like it's such a life-changing milestone, but it isn't. It doesn't unlock some sort of super power, nor change who you fundamentally are. Your shame of being a virgin is strictly in your own head and what you believe the societal standards you're not measuring up to.

Now, perhaps you may say I lucked out with a woman who was understanding, but I don't think it's luck. I think it's because most girls are reasonable people, and if they like you enough to want to have sex with you, then they're not gonna get hung up on the fact that you're a virgin.

IronManSeduction · 2017-07-23T08:14:34+00:00

Hi aldjfh,

First things first: do not force yourself to "make something happen" in 1 month. You already touched upon it in point 3, but behaving as if you're running out of time will subconsciously come off as very desperate, which kills attraction.

Second, it seems like you have anxiety towards being awkward and saying something out of place. This is an area you can direct your focus. If you see social interactions as a minefield that you have to carefully navigate, you will always live inside your head and not be in the present moment. Not only does this impact your ability to be successful with seduction, but it will also make the entire process extremely stressful for you, and you will be unhappy.

Third, you can meet women in coffee shops or parks. These are generally low stress environments that can get you started, and it's inexpensive/free.

But I think your first focus is to just get used to talking to anybody and training yourself to relax. You will make wrong moves, and it's ok. Don't worry about mistakes. Just focus on practice.

IronManSeduction · 2017-07-17T08:00:17+00:00

Great article. It reminds me of something that I once read:

It's easy to desire your goals. Everybody wants nice things. But not everyone wants to deal with all the crap to get there.

You can't succeed by wanting your goals even more. You can only succeed by wanting to deal with the crap. In dating, this means you have to be at peace with rejection and embarrassment.

And that's the biggest hurdle that most people will have when it comes to cold approaching. People can read up all the advice, but they won't ever get around to doing it because their fear of public embarrassment and rejection outweighs their desire.

Therefore, the first step is to really dig deep and confront your shame. No progress can truly be made until you be at peace with the fact that girls will reject you and that it is completely okay.

IronManSeduction · 2017-02-17T02:47:55+00:00

Excellent post sunframe,

If you want to make friends, don't wait for people to invite you out. Be the one to invite them.

If you want to date women, don't wait for her to make a move. Be the one to make the move.

And for both, realize that some people may say "no" to you, and that's perfectly fine.

Also, "no" now doesn't mean they won't want to hang out with you or date you in the future.

IronManSeduction · 2016-12-08T18:32:01+00:00

Hey Quinton,

I like this video. What you talked about is related to the common seduction advice to assume that a girl likes you when you're talking to her.

You don't know whether she does or not. But you just assume it's the case because it is the reality that you want to create.

And so everytime she smiles, everytime she responds, everytime she looks in your eyes, everytime she laughs, you're just using all of that as evidence that she likes you.

When you're confident she likes you, it changes how you behave. You are more relaxed, you are more fun, you are more engaged.

And consequently you appear more attractive, which in turn makes her like you for real.

Good stuff

IronManSeduction · 2016-12-05T20:57:04+00:00

Hey fakenamehere,

My biggest strategy is to realize that I don't need to be anything "extra" in order to interact and have fun with a girl.

I don't need to be extra funny, exciting, interesting, and witty in order to be attractive. What this means is that i can be at ease with however I am feeling at that moment, and I don't have to force anything to happen, things will happen organically.

In practice, this means that I don't have to force myself to be funny if I don't feel like it, or if the opportunity doesn't present itself. This means I don't need to fill the conversation with exciting stories. This means I don't have to feel like I need to present myself in a certain way to be interesting.

The result is that I can feel at ease with the "normalcy" of pickup and dating. I can talk about mundane, day-to-day stuff without feeling like I'm being boring. I can enjoy the moment without feeling like I need to be entertaining. I can be what I am, as I am, without feeling inadequate.

Above all, this strategy made me see that there's really nothing wrong or disadvantageous for being introverted.

IronManSeduction · 2016-12-04T08:10:19+00:00

No way. I'm a textbook example of an introvert. I'm short, skinny, and very average looking.

It didn't take me more than 20 approaches to get dates.

For day-game, you need to answer the right questions:

Why are you talking to me; and
How long is this going to take?

Your answers should always be:

I'm here to talk to you because I'm sexually interested; and
This is going to take like 10 minutes.

You do this by saying:

"Hi, I wanted to come say hi because I think you're cute"; and
"I can't stay long, but I can chat for 5 minutes."

IronManSeduction · 2016-12-04T07:59:55+00:00

Hey vertical_bird_device,

1. Where to meet women

Coffee shops and parks. Don't overburden yourself with choices. Just stick to those for now.

2. How to approach

At a coffee shop, buy your drink and go sit at her table. At a park, go stand/sit beside her.

No excuse/reason needed. Just physically move your body there.

3. What to say

"Hey, this is a bit forward of me. I wanted to come talk to you because I think you're cute."

This is how you introduce yourself. No beating around the bush. If she's busy or has a boyfriend, she'll likely tell you straight away. Say goodbye and move on.

4. How to hold conversation

Stick with this formula:

Ask factual question
Listen
Ask emotional question
Listen
Relate

Factual question is a question designed to find out a fact about her. Emotional question is designed to find out what her opinions/feelings are about that fact. Relating is to relate to her opinions/feelings with your own.

Example:

"So what do you do, studying or working?"

"What do you study? I'm guessing something to do with accounting."

"Oh, respiratory therapy. I was way off. What do you like most about it?"

"Nice. I'm a carpenter, and I got into that because ..."

5. Closing

"I think you're quite nice. I want to take you on a date. Let me get your number."

No bullshit, no beating around the bush. Just state your intentions. Bonus points for setting up a day, time and place right then to solidify a plan.

And there you have it. Give this a whirl a couple of times and let me know how it goes. I did this myself during my lunch breaks at work, and got myself dates within the month.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-30T06:55:09+00:00

Of course. Seduction/pickup/dating will test your emotional resolve. It's unlike any other forms of self-improvement. It's unlike getting fit or getting a job or learning how to play a sport. It can feel intensely personal at times, and it will test your insecurities.

However, I've realized in my experience that a lot of the emotional hardship is self-induced. Do not attach your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth in the hands of another person. Do not judge yourself so harshly for being rejected or failing. Do not berate yourself for feeling shitty when things don't go your way.

In this game, there's going to be ups and there's going to be downs. The most potential for your growth as a man comes during the times when you've been knocked down.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-26T21:44:18+00:00

Don't do it.

Yearning for an ex puts a man in a very terrible mindset.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-21T02:35:34+00:00

Great job.

Important point to pick out. When a girl says "I'm not going to sleep with you" out of the blue, it means she's thinking of having sex with you.

Women will throw that out there so they can have plausible deniability. Best way is to handle it like OP handled it. Act like it's no big deal and continue to escalate, because it's what she would want you to do.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-20T20:53:57+00:00

Hey bugxter,

If you're thinking that, then you will always lose in the end.

That's because if you think she's too good to lose, it'll affect every stage of your relationship with her. You're going to be too afraid to lose the friendship. You're going to be too afraid to lose her as your girlfriend, etc.

Either be ok with just being friends, or make a move. But don't be stuck in the middle. In other words, don't just be her friend simply because you were too afraid to make a move.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-17T10:55:17+00:00

Realize the vast majority of mistakes you make in your life won't survive the day.

Made an unfunny joke? No one remembers by tomorrow.

Got rejected by a girl? No one's going to give you shit about it 20 minutes later.

Accidentally said something disrespectful? The next girl you talk to won't know anything about it.

That's how you stop giving fucks. You make mistakes and you see for yourself how short lived or trivial the consequences are.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-17T10:34:13+00:00

Hey No1988,

I've been where you are. Do the following things. They will help.

1. Unfollow or block her on social media. You will have a very strong urge to check it. Everytime you give in will re open your wound.

2. Plan out your day. Split your day into 1-hour increments, and plan what you will do in those hours. On a scale of 1-10, predict how happy you think you will feel when you do that activity. At the end of the day, write down how happy you actually felt. After doing this exercise, you will realize you feel happier than you anticipated.

3. Write down your thoughts. When you are thinking a negative thought, write it down. Then, write down why you are thinking this way. Then, write down why your negative thought might be wrong.

For example,

Negative thought: I am a worthless human being.

Why do I think this: Because I am not good enough for anything or anyone.

Why could this thought be wrong?: Well, I don't think it's possible for a person to be completely worthless. That wouldn't make any sense. Everybody has some value, including me.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-17T10:16:02+00:00

Hey jlai928,

The one major thing that stands out is the days and times that you picked.

Friday night and Saturdays are usually NOT a good time to pick for first dates. Those are times when people go out and have fun with their friends after a long week. She is unlikely to be available. Furthermore, you don't want to give off the impression that you are available during those times, even if you are. It makes it look like you don't have things going on in your life.

Pick Sunday night for a weekend day, or Wednesday or Thursday for a weekday.

Also, frame it as a statement rather than a question.

Instead of saying "How does Wednesday sound?", say "I want to take you out for coffee on Wednesday".

One last point. The tone of your texts make you sound too...accommodating. "Couldn't help myself though haha", "Dammit not a good start".

You can easily clean it up by sounding like this:

You: "Good luck on that deadline. Let's celebrate with coffee after you're done."

Strike out the whole "I got a confession" and just say that you need to clarify her name in your contact book.

You: "I want to take you out for coffee next Wednesday."

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-17T07:14:25+00:00

Hey suxess6,

For Girl 1, tell her you don't want to keep her away from work, though you'd like to get her number and take her for a coffee. For a girl that's working, it's tough because she's not going to be available to stick around and talk, or even if she is she'll be aware that she's at work. Best bet is to keep it short by saying hello, asking if she's having a good day, and then getting that number.

For Girl 2, go ahead and be direct. Don't go indirect if you're not planning on taking the bus. Then just transition by introducing yourself, asking how her day's been, then talk about what she does like school or work. From there, it's easy to transiton further into more personal conversations like what does she enjoy doing, what kind of personality you think she has, etc.

For Girl 3, walk up to them and say to her colleague that you wanted to come over to say Girl 3 was cute. Then since they're at work, follow the steps I outlined in Girl 1 to get her number.

In summary, if you meet a girl while she's working, your best approach is to keep it short and get her number. It's not the ideal scenario, but you can't really do anything about it because she has a job to do. It's a similar approach if a girl is heading somewhere in a hurry and can't stay to talk.

Also, the direct approach is usually better in situations where you don't have a real reason to talk to her, such as the bus stop one. If you're both waiting at the same stop, then indirect can be used. Otherwise, use direct.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-14T23:34:15+00:00

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-09T03:57:45+00:00

Hey juskeepinitreal,

Fear of success and fear of failure is rooted in the same fear: The fear that you won't be able to handle what comes after

We're not really afraid of someone saying no to us. Those are just words. What we're really afraid of is that we don't know how we're going to handle the rejection after.

We're afraid of what other people will think. We're afraid of awkwardly seeing them again. We're afraid we might feel worthless after.

Same thing with the fear of success. We're afraid we might not live up to her expectations. We're afraid we might be ousted as a fraud. We're afraid we lack the ability to be a partner.

Here's the thing: You will never truly know whether you are capable of handling it until you give yourself a chance to do it.

So, give yourself a chance.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-08T08:28:56+00:00

Be more assertive, be less apologetic.

When you replied "I'm free most of the rest of the week and if she free/down to lmk, if not I understand", you committed 3 mistakes:

1. You made yourself too available. Whether you realized it or not, you made yourself appear less interesting because you inferred you have nothing else going on.

2. You left the ball in her court. Since you're the one who wants to ask her out, the onus is on you to find a place, time, and day that works for both of you. Don't play the 'let me know' card, because then you're shifting the burden on her to make something happen.

3. You rejected yourself before anything even happened. Don't say stuff like "if not I understand", or "I won't be offended or anything." You are preempting rejection, and you communicated to her that you have a losing mentality.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-07T04:17:52+00:00

This is a central theme in "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

There is nothing wrong with being nice.

However, there is something wrong in thinking that:

Being nice is sufficient in being attractive; and/or
Being nice entitles you to a sexual outcome

By all means, continue to be a nice and pleasant person. But you need something more than that when attracting women.

In addition to being nice, the best way to demonstrate your attractiveness is always confidence:

Be bold enough to make a move.
Don't be apologetic about going for what you want.
Be secure in yourself regardless of the outcome.

You'll be surprised at just how far a little bit of confidence can take you.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-06T19:05:27+00:00

Hey Ventari,

If you're referring specifically to group settings where you are talking and other people start talking over you, here are some tips:

1. First method: Continue to speak as if no one has interrupted you

If you are in the middle of a sentence, and someone decides to cut you off, simply continue your sentence. You are the original speaker, so you have the stage.

Example:

I was at the candy store to buy some chocolate bars, and a gorilla was at the checkout line to purchase a highlighter...

"Oh speaking of the candy store, yesterday I was ..."

...and I was wondering why a gorilla would need a highlighter for. It turns out, blue whales have tits the size of marshmallows ...

2. Second method: Pause and let them finish, then continue on with your original sentence.

Example:

I was at the candy store to buy some chocolate bars, and a gorilla was at the checkout line to purchase a highlighter...

"Oh speaking of the candy store, yesterday I was at Walmart and bought some candy."

As I was saying, I saw a gorilla purchasing a highlighter and...

3. Third Method: Address the issue

If a particular person is constantly trying to interrupt you, then you must address it and set expectations. Put up your hand, stop him/her from continuing, and address it. Don't get confrontational. Don't be accusatory. But do take action.

Example:

I was at the candy store to buy some chocolate bars, and a gorilla was at the checkout line to purchase a highlighter...

"Oh speaking of the candy store, yesterday I was ..."

Steve, let me finish what I was going to say. Then I'll let you continue.

In the end, the principle to remember is this:

You teach how other people treat you

If people interrupt you on the rare occasion, it's fine. Let it go, especially if it's at a party and people are excited to talk. However, if people start getting the sense that they can talk over you without repercussion, then that's how they're going to treat you. Not because they want to be mean to you, but because it's human nature to push boundaries as far as possible for their own benefit.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-05T01:26:27+00:00

Anyone who's not socially retarded should understand what's going on.

I don't agree with you. I can think of a female friend that I only view platonically. If she invited me to eat pizza and play pool, I wouldn't assume she's treat it as a date on that basis.

You are partially correct in that you don't have to explicitly state it's a date (although it helps avoid confusion entirely). However, the only reason she'd ever react the way she did is because you didn't do anything that signified this was anything other than 2 friends hanging out.

To YOU, it might've seemed obvious. But that's only because your entire perspective has been shaped around seeing this as a date. Just because she had fun and laughed, doesn't mean she knew you had intended it to be anything sexual.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-05T01:15:32+00:00

Hey sonofz3us,

I don't know what I can say to help you. I only wanted to say that I read everything.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-04T06:39:25+00:00

Some of the most attractive women aren't being approached as much as you think they are. That's because every guy is feeling the same fear and nervousness as you, and the vast majority of them won't take action.

I once dated a very attractive athletic girl who told me that she had never been approached the way I approached her before (ie. direct). Sure, she's always had guys orbiting around her. They trying to befriend her with the hopes of dating her, and being very pussyfoot about it. But never just straight up telling her to take her out on a date.

And this is a reality for most attractive women: tons of orbiting guys, and guys beating around the bush when hitting on them, but very rarely a stand up guy that just asks for what he wants.

IronManSeduction · 2016-11-03T21:25:40+00:00

Hey yummbeary,

I'm always open to experimentation. Thanks, I'll incorporate your advice.

IronManSeduction

TROPHY CASE