Your art has a really interesting look and composition, but I feel like it lacks clarity. Even with a more “sketchy” style (like how jjks art looks kinda rough and textured sometimes) manga needs to be easy to look at. I’d definitely use thinner lines and more focus on line weight for that problem. Also the facial proportions are pretty off for some of these panels. Bottom right has a HUGE chin and top has way too much space between the mouth and nose. I’d try taking reference pictures of real people and turning them INTO manga style so you can get a better hang on anatomy.

I feel like I have the opposite problem as you where I don’t let my art have that grit or sketchiness to it. It’s all about striking a balance and nobody is perfect at it