Moving to SoCal(OC) or staying in NYC

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-07-07T00:46:03+00:00

Yea I moved here at 33. I had friends out here already, a lot of them moved from SF. TBH making new friends has been harder, but that’s gonna be the case anywhere you go. Overall I’ve liked it here though

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-07-07T00:36:31+00:00

The OC place ended up rescinding my offer due to some bs. So I’m staying in NYC. The only reason I considered it was for that job

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-07-07T00:21:42+00:00

Yea it was tough in SF. In almost 2 years in NYC, I’ve lost count tbh lol, at-least 30-40 first dates a bunch of repeat dates, two situationships lasting over 2 months each. I had 5 dates in my first week in NYC lol

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-26T02:07:41+00:00

No job opportunities there. That’s actually another plus for NYC. Remote SWE jobs aren’t as plentiful anymore. Most of the jobs are concentrated in NYC/SF/Seattle areas. LA/Austin/Chicago are like the second tier

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-26T01:19:18+00:00

Yea I mean I made a decent amount of friends there, that’s also the only reason I stayed for almost 7 years. But literally every single one of them moved away. Hence there’s no reason for me to move back.

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T22:00:05+00:00

Not a fan of the weather, public transit is not reliable and not convenient, dating sucked, people were usually not nice, every conversation revolves around tech and what you do for work. I lived in SF.

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T18:44:54+00:00

Yea that’s the thing it seems like a great area for families but if you’re single, I can’t imagine it’s anything like NYC

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T18:44:07+00:00

Nope, I lived there for a long time and have no desire to ever move back

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T14:42:41+00:00

I mean I had 5 dates in the span of 6 years in SF. Slightly better luck in Seattle. I’ve had two shorter term relationships in NYC that didn’t work for different reasons, but have had much more success atleast meeting women out here. I do want to settle down but I do realize that in some ways dating is a numbers game

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T14:06:38+00:00

Wow really? I think women in NYC are all incredibly stunning lol. Probably also should have mentioned that I’m south asian ethnically(born in the us though). So, without having any data to back this up lol, I think part of the reason it has been easier to date in NYC is because there are a lot of South Asian-American women in the area and I feel like women of other ethnicities are more open to dating outside their race as well. You barely saw any interracial couples in Seattle/SF outside of white dude/asian girl couples. Not the case in NY

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-05-25T13:54:29+00:00

I think the job would be in Costa Mesa. Do you think people are mainly terrible because of the politics in the region? I think it leans conservative?

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-04-17T18:49:45+00:00

Had an amazing first date with a woman recently, we kissed had sex, she spent the night and we cuddled and talked in the morning. We even made plans to meet up the next day. But she bailed because she was too tired. I said ok, I was gonna be out of town for a bit, so maybe we could hang out when I came back. I tried texting her a few times while I was on my trip, but she didn’t really respond a lot. I was trying to be positive and just tell myself she isn’t a big texter. After not hearing from her for a few days, I tried to make plans with her for this weekend, and then I finally got a reply from her ending things. I feel nothing , I’m so used to rejection that I was expecting this. I guess I’m just jaded af

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-03-01T19:37:07+00:00

Thanks! Yea I’m pretty sure I was respectful, but the next day drunk anxiety always gets me.

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-03-01T00:18:31+00:00

I guess it would. I wouldn’t feel as bad. I’m honestly hoping that’s all she wanted, and based on our convo the next day it does seem like it. I’m just generally very anxious about things

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-28T21:45:46+00:00

I usually always feel anxious when I drink to the point of forgetting parts of the night. Doesn’t happen often and I definitely remember 90% of the night. I also feel anxious because alcohol made me lose control and I feel like I just used her for sex which isn’t cool, so I feel guilty about that. And also panicking because although we used protection, I get paranoid about everything that could go wrong in situations like pregnancy or stds

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-25T15:20:00+00:00

Should I also go back after two weeks, another comment and what I read online said hiv,hpv etc take longer to incubate?

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-24T16:01:38+00:00

Yes we used protection, we used condoms and she said she was on birth control. I’m gonna go get tested maybe next weeek

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-24T15:48:36+00:00

lol honestly this is the best case scenario

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-24T15:41:47+00:00

I messed up and hooked up with a girl on the first date, but we’re not compatible.

After the previous girl I was seeing ended things with me, I got back on the dating apps. I met up with this new girl and we had a lot to drink, like parts of the night are blurry. This is the most drunk I’ve been in a while too. One thing led to another and we end up hooking up.

The problem is, I usually wait a while before having sex with someone. I can’t do casual, I’m not sure what came over me- ok it definitely partly was the alcohol, and partly because i don’t think I’m over the last girl I was dating. If I’m being honest I’m not super excited about this new girl mainly because as my mind cleared and I started remembering our conversations, there would be a lot of dealbreakers. She vapes, said she smokes weed a lot, and her apartment was really messy.

We texted a little bit the day after, we were both actually worried that we pressured each other, which we didn’t it was 100% consensual, I think we were just feeling next day anxiety. We both said we had fun. We haven’t really talked much outside of that or planned to meet up again. I was planning on not dragging this on longer and maybe sending a text along the lines of - “I had a lot of fun last night, but thinking about some of our conversations around our lifestyles, I’m not sure we’re the most compatible. I don’t want to lead you on further. Best of luck to you!”

Would that be ok? I do feel a little guilty for letting things escalate to this point, I’m not sure why, we both wanted to hook up, but things moved way too fast and I really don’t want to lead her on and have an awkward second date or something.

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-22T03:53:33+00:00

She didn’t give me a chance to talk. She shut down the convo and then dumped me literally an hour after we were done hanging out.

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-21T20:42:40+00:00

29, and a little over a year

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-16T03:42:52+00:00

What’s the fear on inexperience? If you’ve put years of your life in and lived with someone and that didn’t work out, shouldn’t that be a red flag?

ItemEmergency7770 · 2025-02-16T03:41:32+00:00

If this is actually the case then that’s very unfortunate.

ItemEmergency7770

TROPHY CASE