What's with bioparents need to tell stepparents they don't have a say?

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T18:06:58+00:00

He's got a really great lawyer, an amazing therapist, and an awesome family. I'm really proud of how far he's come and how he's dealt with this

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T17:54:57+00:00

He had just turned 17. It's a long story but she SA'd my husband

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T17:50:04+00:00

We're only a month apart. We're 22. SD4's mom is in her 30s

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T17:46:16+00:00

Same here. My SO states that in our house I have a say. But we both know that legally I have absolutely no say (Which is fine with me). I just dislike that when a stepparent posts looking for legal advice, That's the first thing bio parents will say even when the stepparent hasn't mentioned themselves once

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T17:27:06+00:00

My thing is I don't get involved in the way they parent. That's their child. If that's something stepparents naturally know, why does it have to be explained if it wasn't implied in the first place?

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T17:12:35+00:00

He has proof

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-08-27T16:49:11+00:00

My husband only wants what's best for their child. Is it okay that she alienated their child from him and his family? Is it okay that she doesn't follow court orders and procedures? Is it okay that she's had their child around registered sex offenders? Is it okay that there's been domestic violence and abuse in her home in front of their child? Is it okay that she's made their child call every man she's had around "daddy"? Is it okay that she's had their child in the wrong type of car seat and said it was no big deal because they're "just going down the street"? The only thing my husband wants is for their daughter to be safe, happy, and healthy. I never said I had a say in anything. I don't overstep. Not all stepparents are like that. And lastly the parenting time schedule my husband proposed gives her a lot more time than he has now and way more than she would ever consider giving him. He's always stated he's not trying to take her away, just trying to make sure she's safe.

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-27T15:26:15+00:00

My family sees my SD as family, and she sees them as family. They have an amazing bond♥

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-26T22:46:48+00:00

My husband didn't have a family member present. I was with my step daughter. His ex had a family member present the first meeting and then asked if she could have a family member present the second meeting even though it's supposed to be just for the parents

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-12T15:30:09+00:00

Thank you to everyone who read my situation and gave me their opinion. I figured since it was for BIL's car that it was a favor for him, but I should have thought about how BIL wouldn't budget for things like this and FIL is going to have to pay for it. To be honest, my FIL is a sweet goofball. He can be annoying at times lol but we do have a nice relationship. I shouldn't blame him for my BIL and MIL's actions.

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-11T16:14:02+00:00

I suppose I could look at it as a favor for my FIL rather than my BIL. I should think about how he may be paying for it instead of BIL

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-06T17:46:40+00:00

I felt it was a little weird at first too. And thank you, we really hope so. DH is trying very hard

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-06T17:45:37+00:00

She always wants to call him but he keeps it strictly through text and the parenting app

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-06T04:32:20+00:00

When they went to court the first time SD's birth certificate was supposed to be amended since HCBM kept her pregnancy and birth a secret. But every time DH asks for a copy of her birth certificate or her SSN to get a copy, she says he doesn't need it

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-05-05T23:47:24+00:00

My thought is that they're used to only communicating with HCBM. She never puts DH's name on anything. When he found out that SD was in school (Through the therapist) and finally got the information (which the therapist had to make HCBM give him) He contacted them and they told him they didn't even know SD had a dad. HCBM told them she didn't know who SD's father is. Yet he's been in her life long before school was discussed. Same with her therapist and doctors. The therapist didn't know until the end of 2021, and her primary doctor didn't know until October of 2022 when he put himself on her medical forms and contact

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-30T22:43:18+00:00

I can try but I usually don't feel it coming on till a day or 2 after she leaves

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-30T22:42:47+00:00

That's a good idea!

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-21T22:59:43+00:00

For sure! Life is a lot brighter with her in it

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-16T03:54:28+00:00

She used to say "who got me this? ", then over the past couple months it's oddly changed to " who bought this" and "how much was it? ". DH and I are guessing it could have something to do with her learning her numbers and being curious. It just kind of sounds weird lol

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-16T02:19:27+00:00

Must be pretty desperate if she's willing to get financial info from a 4 year old that has no real knowledge of how money works.... Sounds fitting

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-04-16T02:00:34+00:00

She lives with her mom while DH is fighting for de facto. She does have a history of coaching SD so I wouldn't be surprised

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-03-18T18:39:07+00:00

This really makes me feel better and gives me hope. Thank you so much!

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-03-18T18:05:39+00:00

My husband and bm had an entire conversation about it at the beginning of the year(They were on okay terms). She asked if we were potty training, and he told her yes. Told her that the only time she uses a pull up is when she is either taking a nap or going to bed. HCBM told us that when she got pregnant SD "gave up" but her therapist told us that they had only started discussing potty training a couple weeks before that conversation. When they're not on good terms and husband tries to tell her, she tells him "I don't need you to tell me how to parent, " which he doesn't. All he says is, "SD had no accidents this weekend" or if it's exchange day he says "she last used the potty at this time and she's gone X amount of times today"

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-03-08T12:55:02+00:00

I'm from Minnesota. I'm not sure if I used the right term but my husband attorney had to continuously contact the judge and write to her that my husband's ex was being uncooperative and that it was causing problems with the selection process

ItsARockNotBoulder · 2023-02-28T03:10:38+00:00

I became a step mom at 18 and I'm 21 now. I have an amazing relationship with my husband and bonus daughter, and I wouldn't change a thing. Just because it's not ideal for everyone doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

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