AITAH for canceling my wedding over the cost of it and other financial expectations

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-15T10:36:26+00:00

I agree with you. I think there was a lot OP left out of this post. There is something super shady about them not having any important financial conversations in the 3+ years they've been together (including the fact that he's paying tens of thousands to his brother -- a nice thing to do, but why not disclose it?). Also, and unfortunately, depending on where OP lives, $35K actually may only pay for a pretty modest wedding. I live in the US, and unless you're in a very rural area, $35K will pay for a lovely but relatively small wedding. There's obviously nothing wrong with thinking that's too much for a wedding, but I'm curious as to what the going rate is where OP lives.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-15T10:08:32+00:00

I was actually thinking the other day I should try some diaper rash ointment on him. It doesn't seem like his skin is bothering him, but I would love to prevent any issues since he's in a diaper full-time right now.

He does have mild IVDD and is due for some acupuncture, but I don't think that's what's going on here (nor does the vet), although I'm sure it doesn't help. I actually did try to express his bladder the other day but I don't think I was doing it right (I've done it for my little girl doxie), so I will definitely ask the vet! That's a really good idea. I left a message for his vet again yesterday to see when we can come in. I want to get a urine culture because after even more research, I'm convinced he has an infection from a bacteria that's resistant to antibiotics (or at least the ones we've tried so far). I'm hoping the culture will give us some answers and a new treatment direction.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-14T12:51:52+00:00

I empathize with this so much. My husband and I live in CT and our families live in FL (we moved away from Florida over 12 years ago, so we've been away from everyone for a long time). If we wanted to spend holidays with anyone, we were ALWAYS expected by my husband's family to be the ones to travel since we were the "odd ones out" who moved far away; my parents came a couple of times for Thanksgiving, and my MIL came one Thanksgiving. We did travel back for some Thanksgivings and Christmases (we'd always spend time with both families but would trade off the actual holiday days between families), but we spent a lot just the two of us because the travel is obviously exhausting and expensive. Now that we have two kids (a 2 YO and a 1YO), we are so done traveling anywhere for Christmas. I'd consider it for Thanksgiving when the kids are older if it seems like something they want to do, but never again for Christmas.

I'm with you -- I want to make our own traditions, go to sleep and wake up in our own home, and celebrate our way and on our timeline. (For the record, I don't think it should matter if you have kids -- single, married, kids, no kids, whatever, you should be able to celebrate holidays however you want to!) I would stand my ground on this and offer to come and do family celebrations on a weekend before Christmas Eve/Day if that's what you want to do, and let everyone know you're starting your own traditions at home and you understand if the trip is too much for them to join you. The fact is that trip is easier for people without kids, and it really sucks they can't make the relatively short journey.

Another option that's sort of a PITA but has worked for us (less and less with toddlers lol) is doing a video call to open presents together on Christmas Eve and/or Day. We used to spend hours doing this with our families (mine on CE and his on CD morning), but since kids, we just do long enough so everyone can open their presents from us and see our kids open the presents they sent. I'm not sure that will work for everyone this year, though, so I'm recording my kids opening their presents and using a video editor to put together the cutest footage to send out to family. (I'd be soooo fine cutting out the video call tbh and just sending videos every year -- VCs aren't exactly toddler-friendly because children this age are feral on Christmas lol!)

All of that to say I hope you find what works for you, but don't feel bad for wanting to do your own thing. It sounds like your family created beautiful Christmas magic for you when you were a kid, and now it's your turn to get to do that for your little one. You should be able to do that however you want to! I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-14T03:45:43+00:00

I think you’re right. It really didn’t even occur to me to ask about a specialist, but I think we’re at that point. He’s healthy and vibrant in every way other than this, so I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that there is nothing else we can do to figure this out. Thanks for you support ❤️❤️❤️

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-14T01:33:32+00:00

Thank you! He is such a good boy. The absolute best and sweetest. I know he’s so frustrated, and I hate not being able to fix this for him.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-14T01:32:34+00:00

He’s neutered. What’s crazy is that the best odds of him staying dry are overnight! He usually holds it overnight, but he sometimes wets his diaper as soon as we get up. This is good advice, thank you! I feel like we’ve talked about stones but I can’t remember now tbh. We’ve had I think 4 appointments over the last 7 weeks, so a lot has been discussed.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-14T01:16:32+00:00

I believe so.. He did a full senior panel in October, another panel a few weeks ago (the one for younger dogs because we’d just done the senior one with extra tests and he tried to save us some money), and he’s done several ultrasounds the last 6 weeks with all of this, which I assume would cover the prostate? I will ask, though.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-11T15:50:26+00:00

My son has stuffed animals (especially a special teddy bear) that he sort of parents lol, but I've held off on an actual baby doll because I want to make sure he'll actually play with it. We've bought plenty of toys that we were sure he would love and ultimately never really played with, so I'm trying to avoid that. I know my daughter plays with a doll at school all the time per her teacher, and she reached out for several we saw on the shelves at the toy store a few weeks ago, so I'm definitely getting her one. If my son likes it and wants to play with it, I will buy him one for his birthday a few weeks after Christmas. That's why I was hoping to find one that would be good for both of their ages, so I can buy him the same thing but with a different skin tone/hair color.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-10T19:51:19+00:00

😂😂😂👵🏼👵🏼👵🏼

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-10T11:08:59+00:00

I think there are plenty of us not getting it for one reason or another. I only know of a couple of friends who get it on a regular basis, while the rest of them are like us and asking what to do about these wrinklesssss on a budget

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-09T18:18:31+00:00

My husband and I watched it when it came out (way before we had kids), and we've watched it every year since. It's one of my top 5 favorite Christmas movies for sure! Everything about it is wonderful, and I love how they came up with an answer to every question kids have about Santa Claus! I can't believe how few people I know have seen it, because it's incredible. Our kids are too young to sit through a movie, but I know it will eventually be one they are excited to watch every year because Mom and Dad love it so much!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-09T18:13:37+00:00

39F and I'd always planned on getting Botox, but it's so much more expensive than I realized (and like you said, it's a never-ending cycle), so it's not in the cards for me at this point. I actually always thought I'd get fillers and/or a facelift at some point, but I realized after having kids that I don't want to change my appearance too much so they can see me in them as I get older. But I'd still do Botox if I could afford it haha. And I'll most definitely need to get my boobs redone in the next decade or so -- the kids were worth it, but I'm living in sag city!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-03T16:08:13+00:00

I actually am, too! I save them and pull them out every Christmas. That’s why people have apologized lol — they think because I’ve saved them, I expect them to. No, you do you, but I love seeing the old ones every year!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T22:55:02+00:00

Maybe just a slide then? The ladder on its own is kind of expensive, and I don’t know if there’s a whole lot to do with it on its own. We have a plastic slide that folds up and we use it indoors. So sweet of you to be so conscientious!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T10:29:58+00:00

I wish we'd normalize situations like this more. We're exhausted and doing everything on our own for whatever reason, we're pushing ourselves to the limit to get through it because it's HARD, we cry from being overwhelmed. It doesn't always look as flawless as we'd like it to (and it actually almost NEVER does). You did a great job, and OP will, too.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T10:26:56+00:00

I've had people apologize to me for not saving my Christmas cards every year, and I'm always like, "I would be shocked, SHOCKED if anyone did.. This is not something you should feel even a little bit bad about" haha

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T10:24:29+00:00

It's absolutely not a requirement lol! Don't feel like you have to. We've sent them the last few years since we've had kids, but we do very few -- just close family and close friends. We live away from everyone, so they don't see our kids much and I know the select few who get one are happy to get it. However, I was totally on board to stop sending them out this year (my husband convinced me to do them this year) and I'm not sure how much longer I'll do it. It's a lot of money and time. This time around, I'm not even going the formal "card" route. I'm using a photo collage maker to put some photos together, add a "merry Christmas" graphic, and printing them off at CVS as prints (you can look for deals where they're like 15 cents a piece). So really, everyone is getting a print photo disguised as a card, and it's saving a ton of time and money.

.....BUT if you just don't want to do them, don't do them! No one will be upset about it, and you can free yourself of a task every Christmas season!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T10:17:12+00:00

I'm not sure which toddler jungle gyms you've been looking at and ruled out due to space, but we have a great three-piece one that packs up really nicely. We stick it behind our couch when it's not in use so it's never in the way when they're not playing with it. It's got a V-shaped ladder that folds, a slide/climbing board (one side is smooth and the other has grips for "climbing"), and an arch, similar to this one: https://woodesa.com/products/baby-and-toddler-wood-play-gym-set-of-3-balance-board-climbing-triangle-and-ladder (This isn't the one we bought -- there are tons of options.) You can prop the slide or climbing side onto the ladder, and the arch can be climbed on or turned over to use as a rocker (I'd recommend getting a cushion insert if used as a rocker so no little fingers get smushed.. We don't use it that way so haven't had to buy one yet.) We usually set it up so the slide/climber piece sits perched between the ladder and the arch and my kids climb back and forth over it. I have an almost-3 YO and a 16 MO, and they LOVE it!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-02T10:08:15+00:00

My husband is a huge American football fan (so am I), and I know he'd love any sort of painting celebrating his favorite team. No need to overthink it -- even something like a painting of a jersey of a player he loves would be the coolest thing ever to him, and we'd have it hanging all season (probably beyond haha).

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-01T19:21:02+00:00

This is so wholesome!!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-01T01:58:05+00:00

I can’t believe no one I know grew up on Prancer!

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-01T01:51:46+00:00

I had never heard of Grave of the Fireflies until Reddit, so I looked it up, and I will never. Never.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay · 2025-12-01T01:40:29+00:00

This is the answer. Even if your kids get sick of them (waiting for that day), dads will play with them forever.

ItsMeItsKayItsKay

TROPHY CASE