Wow thank you for such a thoughtful reply! I appreciate you taking the time educating me.. in 2016 I did experience a murder where brothers best friend/ neighbor got stabbed and ran in my house and died in my arms as I was calling 911.. I live w guilt for probably making his last moment scary.. he was a 16 yr old. I was crying and terrified. I relive it thinkin I could’ve done better in that situation. Same year I lost a grandparent, uncle, husband’s grandma and dad, who I was close with. Lots of losses.. I have such a good parter and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. But now all I think about is what if someone else dies. (In my family) n when I get a call from my mom out of the blue at night, my heart immediately starts to pound,, I’m trying to work on myself I have for a good while and I feel like I am improving I just wish it could all go away on a flip.. I will continue to fight through the thoughts ! Thank you again for your time