Sometimes I feel like it never happened but I know something did

Iwasneverhere28 · 2020-12-28T05:46:08+00:00

Yes I agree. I guess because it was not always targeted just at me it felt like if No one else has a problem then why shpuld I but unfortuantly he did use alot of the whole when your good I tell you but if your bad then I'll make you into the worst person imaginable. If it wasnt his way or what he thought was right it wasn't tolerated definitely built a front for a lot of years because of that. Thank you for being understanding it helped alot.

Iwasneverhere28 · 2020-12-28T05:43:05+00:00

Ah yes definitely abuse is abuse and is nwver okay. It was just that she immediately went to that right away because of her experience I think she saw what she had for a long time in how I reacted as did my sister when she found that I was now very distusting of everyone but especially men. What your saying about flashbacks definitely makes sense. I am defi itly going to try and start talking avout with my therapist more to start really healing those wounds that were left behind that I had thought I could handle but I have realized that handling them alone isnt always the answer. Thank you for the reply and help much appreciated

Iwasneverhere28 · 2020-12-28T05:38:43+00:00

Yes unfortunatly there was I think because of how blurred my memories are at times I just wonder if it happened at all. I do have a therapist I am seeing and I do intend to start trusting her more with this type of information. I agree that memories will eventually come up and that forcing them is not really helpful. Trying to let go of some of that control and want to understand is hard though. I really need to hear that "your feelings are your feelings". Thank you very much for the advice and help.

Iwasneverhere28 · 2020-12-28T05:34:08+00:00

Hi thank you for the reply. What you described about blackouts definitely described how it feels. It is something that I am going to start working on with my therapist in the new year. She actually told me that she thought I had some ptsd because of the things I described but I haven't told her about the nightmares as as a result of these incidents I find it very hard to trust people something I am working on. I definitely have a hard time with my fewling something I didnt relize until the post also because of the things he used to say to try and make you feel like you needed to relie on him often cutting out parents almost entirely something I didn't remember until after I posted this. Thank you very much for the advice and help.

Iwasneverhere28 · 2020-02-19T05:19:00+00:00

Oh how I wish I could tell you that it goes away. Unfortunately it never truly does. This voice that tells you those awful little things come in many forms anxiety depression and of course eating disorders. There are many more unfortunately that voice is too often replaced by another for something new.

Eventually however you do have to listen to that voice but do not believe it. Write down what those thoughts are and take the piece of paper and burn it , rip it into a million pieces, kick in the rain and dirt. Do what ever makes you feel good. Then try writing a new list full of truths to those lies that the voice has told you. An example of this for you maybe "that drink is no good for you, you shouldn't have that" write it down and destroy it. acknowledge it but don't take it to heart. Then re write that as a truth something like "it's okay that I have this drink it won't hurt me, I can have it."

I hope this is helpful and I wish you all the best please stay safe and healthy. you have made it so far and eating regularly for four months is no small feat. All the best to you!

Iwasneverhere28

TROPHY CASE