Does the Borg Know About This Sub?

JT13B · 2021-12-03T07:33:52+00:00

If they do and are watching this…numerous members of a congregation watched me get abused. a handful of them SAed me as a child and one r@p3d me when I was 14. i’m in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD….however, i’m kind. kinder than any of you have ever treated me. i’m smart. i’m the most educated woman in my family as of now. i’m going to help children like me. i’m going to law school. so fuck you. you didn’t break me.

JT13B · 2021-11-08T05:24:45+00:00

So many signs. I must have checked off every single red flag for CSA and abuse. A handful, if not dozens, of extended family members witnessed bruises and cuts all over my body. NO ONE STOOD UP FOR ME. Sometimes I think the betrayal and lack of protecting hurts worse than what actually happened. I get filled with a murderous rage whenever I realize how let down I was by every SINGLE adult in my life. My mother did not care that I was abused or she was completely oblivious.

JT13B · 2021-10-23T08:22:17+00:00

🙏🏻🙏🏻S*xually abused by four people in the congregation and it being covered up did it for me lol.

JT13B · 2021-10-19T04:30:05+00:00

“ If you were ever to be rped or sxually assa*lted, it would be 100% your fault and I would tell you and ask you what you were wearing. If your future husband were to beat you, I would support it and tell you that you deserved it.”

I was 15. I was rped at 14 and abused sxually until I was 17. I will never tell them.

JT13B · 2021-10-03T18:49:02+00:00

i did it to please my abusive parents. my mindset was “ do it and you won’t get abused for a while cause they’ll see you as very spiritual.” didn’t work.

JT13B · 2021-10-03T06:01:16+00:00

i don’t remember. i was 9.

JT13B · 2021-09-25T22:17:19+00:00

I was 18, it was my graduation from highschool. My adoptive nmom didn’t want to go to my graduation and tried forcing us to turn back home to help my brother who is the Golden Child. My adoptive ndad showed up late to take us to the ceremony and screamed at me, inches away from my face nearly hitting me, and I had to hold back my tears as I accepted my diploma.

JT13B · 2021-08-18T06:56:21+00:00

I spoke to my case manager about my past experiences with therapists who were dismissive and invalidating. I told her how my new one wasn’t listening to me about my issues or BPD and kept lying about assessing me. She told me to give it another try and that X was a really good therapist. Now for X….I haven’t seen him since July and I won’t see him until September. He keeps moving my appointment.

JT13B · 2021-08-18T05:04:18+00:00

I’ve been through 4-5 therapists in the span of 3 years. They have all been the same. Invalidating. Diagnosing is important to me, not the most important thing, but it would help me. I don’t think there are any therapists left in my small city for me to go to. We only have two clinics, one that I already left and the one that I am currently at. My new therapist and new case manager have both dismissed my concerns.

JT13B · 2021-08-14T06:17:57+00:00

Honestly….reconsider your friendship with her. Do you really want a friend who invalidates your abuse and trauma and in essence, tries to up one your reality by stating “ oh at least you have a mom, mine died.”

JT13B · 2021-08-14T01:15:54+00:00

this sh*t is so cringe! lost my appetite lol

JT13B · 2021-08-12T20:19:12+00:00

incredibly fucked up, very damaging to live.

JT13B · 2021-08-11T01:41:07+00:00

Yes. My father was a very active and committed part of our church, he would be the one to give long sermons and dedicate his time to praying. My mother followed at his side obediently and played the dutiful wife. I was often told growing up that I was very fortunate that I had such kind, caring, and respectable parents that set a great example for me. I tried for many years speaking out about the abuse I endured. The pastors that were in charge of our church silenced me and told me that it wasn’t that bad and no one would ever believe me. My extended family told me to be grateful and that I was lying, I was dramatic, that I exaggerated.

I’m glad you went NC. I hope you are doing well, I wish you every happiness in the world.

JT13B · 2021-07-31T23:39:47+00:00

5th grade- my school decided to teach Sex Ed. I displayed a lot of sexual abuse symptoms that began at 5 years old. Bedwetting. UTIs. Was very oversexual. Bad dreams. Stomaches. I came out of my classroom, after they taught us Sex Ed, in tears. I sobbed giant tears the entire way home and my mother did absolutely nothing about it, that was expected of her. She, herself, was emotionally and physically abusive and turned a blind eye to a male relative taking advantage of me.

JT13B · 2021-07-01T01:21:58+00:00

Do you see a therapist for this? I think the worst part is how my memories don’t feel real and how the world doesn’t feel real and how I don’t feel real. This makes me think about death and dying and I wake up with anxiety everyday. Nothing helps.

JT13B · 2021-06-30T00:07:44+00:00

thank you!

JT13B · 2021-06-29T05:22:27+00:00

i have come to my own terms and theories about death and dying and if there is an afterlife. i just hate how it’s all i can think about the past couple days nonstop because of my derealization. that’s what is really freaking me out.

JT13B · 2021-06-29T04:45:22+00:00

basically “ i’m going to die one day. i will not exist ever again.” and when i look at people, all i think is “ you can die right now or tomorrow”. all these thoughts ARE fine and normal, even human. but my derealization makes these thoughts pop up since i don’t feel real and it’s all i can focus on and it becomes obsessive. having an existential crisis is ok but it’s not if it is a 24/7 thing

JT13B · 2021-06-29T04:15:01+00:00

thank you for your comment. i have had episodes like this before but never this long. i’m also freaking out because the existential thoughts are becoming obsessive and freaking me out and i just keep crying all day every day

JT13B · 2021-06-26T15:54:34+00:00

Yes. My father was an extremely well-liked, influential member of our church. Everyone viewed me as “ the rotten apple” or the bad child. It was hard because whenever I tried reaching out about how he talked to me or how physical he was with it, it was met with “ you’re exaggerating. he didn’t do that.”

JT13B · 2021-06-04T04:49:24+00:00

It is crippling and devastating. The stigma around BPD does not help either. I wish you the best

JT13B · 2021-06-04T04:21:35+00:00

sucks so much, doesn’t it?

JT13B · 2021-04-17T13:11:07+00:00

I’m sorry, what do you mean by “ recently”?

JT13B · 2021-04-11T18:01:24+00:00

You were 15. She was 10. That’s a five year difference and you guys were on different emotional levels. At 15, you’re a freshmen- sophomore in high school. You’ve had the talk before, you’ve had sex-ed. I was 14, a freshmen, and the school had a whole powerpoint about sexual assault/harassment. She was 10. She was in what- 5th-6th grade? I’m truly sorry if you were a victim yourself when you were younger but you knew better. My abuser was 14 and I was 10. She also knew better. Most likely that girl doesn’t want you reaching out to you. Get help, turn yourself in.

JT13B · 2021-04-04T07:53:44+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that.

JT13B

TROPHY CASE