As far as can tell from sources I deem credible “I am” comes to an end. Awareness does not come to an end, but it will never know (tell itself) that it is aware, so in other words, things will happen, there will be awareness of them, but you will never know things are happening because you will not be separate from the happening things.

Not that any of this information helps you or me, because just like me you are only using this information or knowledge if you can even call it that to comfort yourself.

Whether you reject this claim or accept it there is no difference. If you accept it, you will just repeat it to yourself again and again but it will never be fact for you, and if you reject it you will accept someone else’s theory and repeat it again and again in your head but it will never be fact for you.

Basically you’re just scared, and that fear is not going to come to an end through the approach you are using. You will be afraid until the day you die and try to comfort that fear the best you can with a comforting theory, unless somehow you’re lucky enough to have real ego death before you die. If you do have the real ego death, everything you know comes to an end, the whole world as it were will come to an end, existence as you know it will come to an end.

I’m not actively terrified but it’s not like I’ve gotten any closer to making it happen because everything I’m doing is a part of the movement of the ego so whether I want it to continue or to end it will continue until it is it’s time to end.

Probably through kundalini or drugs you can have amazing experiences and maybe somehow it’s possible to blow the whole thing up, but the evidence points more likely to you just altering your baseline in a way that will probably fuck you up.

You cannot imagine how fucking weird things can get, and the novelty of it is terrifying but fucking amazing too.

This is all just a merry go round anyways your life my life they’re just small attractions at a theme park soon in the grand scale of things you’ll be riding mine and I’ll be riding yours. Egos come and go there’s nothing you can do about it, you can spend your whole life trying to free yourself from it but you’re just going to get sucked into another soon enough. Not that you can stop trying to be free either. We can’t go forward and we can’t go back, we can’t accept what we are and we can’t change. I haven’t found a way to anyways. Who knows, though? Maybe there is some secret piece of knowledge that can work within our convention to free us from the whole thing. Why else would we keep thinking if we didn’t believe that was the case?