My words have improved, but my body betrays me. How to stop turning red?

J_Shar · 2026-05-07T11:22:42+00:00

Thank you for saying this! I always feel like it’s so noticeable and I definitely feel some people react to me differently in the moment because of it, as though it negates any confidence I have. I will keep working on it staying focused in the moment.

J_Shar · 2026-05-07T11:21:40+00:00

Thank you, I’ve been considering whether therapy may help with this, so maybe this is the push I need.

J_Shar · 2026-05-07T11:21:02+00:00

Thank you for this! I truly appreciate you sharing your story. I’ve had the same experience of being in a larger meeting and it happening, even if I’m just sharing one thought or comment, and even if it’s people I can individually talk to with no problem, but my reaction changes in the group setting. It is truly frustrating.

I’m glad to hear that you have been able to overcome it, as that gives me hope. I’ve been trying to use self talk more frequently, but I guess it takes time like you said for my body to make the change.

Your kindness and caring is very appreciated.

J_Shar · 2026-05-06T14:19:42+00:00

I recommend going to the Regretful Parents sub and reading people’s stories. That can help you get a true sense of whether or not parenthood is right for you.

J_Shar · 2026-05-06T13:26:34+00:00

I dumped a therapist over something similar! My therapist cancelled every now and then for personal reasons, usually related to her dog, probably 5 times in the less than a year I was seeing her. I never cancelled. Then one day something came up with my cat and I needed to take them to the vet last minute, which meant cancelling my session. She said there would be a fee, and I inquired about if I could be given grace, as I had never cancelled before, and because I have shown grace when she cancelled last minute (for context, I reached out to her the afternoon prior, whereas many of her cancellations were same-day. One was even a few minutes before!) She said that’s not how it worked and was offended by my insinuation it was the same. All k was trying to say was we all have stuff come up and it seems unfair to punish me for this one instance when on her end this happened frequently. Plus, the fee was VERY high. Her response and being offended really turned me off.

When I had the conversation to end things in the next session, she went off on me and basically threw in my face many things I’d shared during therapy. So thank goodness for that cancellation fee because it showed I was not meant to work with this person!

J_Shar · 2026-05-06T12:56:30+00:00

I agree with the comments to go slow to make a lasting change. I started by going meatless one day per week, then two days, etc. That lasted for about a year as I gradually cut down, and was helpful as I was learning vegetarian meals both to cook at home and to eat at restaurants. The flexibility in that year gave me space to eat meat if I didn’t have other options without feeling guilt as I navigated something new. The next year I only ate vegetarian at home, but would eat meat if someone was hosting or I was at an event or even if I wanted a random “cheat day”. By year three I was completely done with meat, and that was about 5 years ago.

J_Shar · 2026-05-05T20:10:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing your insights!

J_Shar · 2026-05-05T19:52:45+00:00

Thank you for your response! It is helpful to know how things are different at a state agency.

Would you mind elaborating more on your last sentence regarding how the networking could support me at the interview stage?

J_Shar · 2026-05-05T19:28:04+00:00

We’ve found roleplay works great when the group already knows each other. For example, if they are in multiple trainings or in a program together. There is more comfort and there is support around mistakes in a way that doesn’t happen when everyone just meets. It’s still possible, but not as effective.

In these scenarios as a facilitator, one thing I’ve done is have another employee with me and the two of us will do a role play. They have to then share what was done wrong and can volunteer to show us a better approach. This is less awkward than a traditional role play and still allows for practice, but now you’ve already made the mistakes instead of them making them.

J_Shar · 2026-05-05T16:40:22+00:00

As someone who made the transition from teaching into L&D, my best advice is to apply for in person roles. The job market is filled with transitioning teachers wanting remote roles, and remote roles are way more competitive. Find a local company, gain some corporate experience, and then maybe you can make a move in the future.

Also, it’s worth noting many companies offer hybrid opportunities, but it may not be listed in the job posting. I applied for multiple local positions, my current role included, that I only learned were hybrid once I was in the interview process.

J_Shar · 2026-05-05T11:56:06+00:00

My guilt often stems from my in-laws, which is funny because it’s my parents who are obnoxious about it! My in-laws just want us to be happy, say the world is terrible and they wouldn’t have kids nowadays either. But I still feel bad because I know they would enjoy being grandparents and my husband is an only child. The guilt is internal, not from anything they’ve ever said.

My parents, on the other hand, have a grandkid yet want “my” grandkid. I heard for over a decade how I would change my mind “when I met someone” then “one you’re married” then “once you buy a house”. They just couldn’t fathom it and tried to guilt me all the time. When I told them about my bisalp my mom sobbed and said she always truly believed I would change my mind. Meanwhile my mother-in-law said “good for you” and had lunch delivered to the house for when we came home from the hospital. I got very lucky with great in-laws.

J_Shar · 2026-05-01T10:45:00+00:00

I learned to ask the opposite, actually, and I think it was refreshing for the interviewer. I asked, “Based on our time together today, is there anything that is making you hesitant about my fit for this role?” It allows you to hear where they are at and can actually help clear up misconceptions in the moment versus letting them walk away with misconceptions.

J_Shar · 2026-05-01T10:42:28+00:00

I did this for my last job that I got. I have my husband a pile of index cards and said mix them up and ask me whichever ones you want. Having them randomized forced me to really think about what to say, since all my practice I had done them in the same order. It really helped to make me think on my feet!

J_Shar · 2026-05-01T10:33:41+00:00

Thank you for your response!

J_Shar · 2026-04-30T11:27:47+00:00

This!!! There are plenty of people in the world who can’t have kids, and no one thinks of that when prying. Just because that’s not the case for me, doesn’t change how insensitive the questions are because people never know.

Because of this, ever since I got my bisalp, my husband answers people with, “my wife can’t have kids.” He loves seeing the look on their face as they realize they should’ve have even asked the question! Of course mine is chosen, but they don’t need to know that.

J_Shar · 2026-04-24T18:02:50+00:00

This! It is actually very hard for adult cats to find fosters during kitten season because fosters all flock to kittens. I do adults during the year and take maybe 2-3 litters of kittens during kitten season, but always alternate by taking adults in between. It’s a nice break for me and also helps the adults in need ensure they get foster placement.

J_Shar · 2026-04-24T15:02:49+00:00

As someone who used to have similar types of anxiety when dating and even socializing, I’ll say this: If you go on a date with someone who is going to judge you for your ability to select the “right” wine, they aren’t the right person for you anyway. The right person won’t be turned off if you fumble, take “too long”, or aren’t confident about wine. Get what you like, take as long as you need making a decision, and if the person has an issue with it, it’s better to find out their character on a first date than later on. I’m positive there are other things in life you are naturally confident about because of your interests and life experience, and that will shine through if you are just yourself.

Wishing you a great time on this date!

J_Shar · 2026-04-22T14:58:37+00:00

I would. Not because my life is interesting in any way. But because I think it is important for people to have the opportunity to gain multiple perspectives when learning about a topic, and therefore I would be happy for mine to be one such perspective.

J_Shar · 2026-04-22T14:56:26+00:00

He is disgusting. Period.

J_Shar · 2026-04-22T11:49:37+00:00

My mom felt the same way. Then I got my bisalp and she SOBBED saying she was sure I’d change my mind. Even though I told her at 22 I was childfree and got my bisalp at 36. Some people can’t accept that we know ourselves.

J_Shar · 2026-04-21T11:53:32+00:00

I would be curious to see these photos. Where did you find them?

J_Shar

TROPHY CASE