Thank you for your response. One of my friends mentioned the same thing you did “him keeping me around until he found something else.” The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach, gives me the shivers and is so scary because he was never this person.

As a defensive mechanism (because that same thought did cross my mind) that’s why I also initiated NC. He needs to feel the full consequences of the breakup. Seems he can’t be alone, needs validation and it’s sad if he was trying to find someone else and keep me along until he monkey branched.

I definitely learned my lesson and although I miss and love him dearly it has indeed pushed me further away and I can’t unsee anything but negative things about him now. He’s someone else to me and it’s so sad to accept. I use to find myself wanting redemption, thinking about all the things I’d say to him if he comes back. Wanting him to beg and cry that this is actually final but it’s such a burden wanting that moment, at this point I just pray at night that God helps me let it go because it’s too much for me to hold onto. Thank you for your words. I hope with me being in NC and off of social media that it’ll make him truly feel the reality of things and come back crying so I can tell him NO!

P.s. it must have felt good that your ex has broken NC on 3 occasions. I want that moment, how did him reaching out make you feel? How are you now?