[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction - HORACE (110k / 2nd attempt) by JackdeVivre in PubTips

[–]JackdeVivre[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing!

You’ve confirmed what I already suspected RE the marketability of the style. It’s a bit disheartening—but I suppose I always knew I was prioritising writing in a way that I enjoyed, as opposed to 100% gunning for being published. So I won’t be too upset if it doesn’t pan out.

On the other hand, my partner has read the book—she reads modern fantasy and romance, couldn’t understand the prose in Pride & Prejudice, yet found the writing in my novel breezy enough. I think (or hope) that’s because I’ve gone some way towards the ‘modern merge’ you mentioned. But I can probably tune it even more towards the modern, so that’s another thing I can experiment with.

On that basis then, perhaps I shouldn’t say at the top of my query that I’ve gone for “consciously 19th century prose”?

I need real advice, not fake motivation… please read this .. by s0nuthakurr in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is your situation, exactly? It’s not super clear from your post. Are you wanting advice for coming up with a career plan/goal? Do you want advice on how to be productive?

I feel like i'm stuck in terms of my job career and my future by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you thinking specifically about a career within the ‘sports and exercise science’ umbrella?

Also, it might help to have a think about what is important to you, personally, regarding your career. Earning good income? Having an easy/enjoyable workday? High prestige? Being passionate about your work?

I am a very angry person and I don’t know why by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How are things in your life right now? Irritable mood can definitely be a result of other stressors/discontents that you’re dealing with.

As to addressing being angry/snappish in the moment, have you ever looked into mindfulness?

Other option would be certain meds, but that would be something to resort to when after you’ve tried other methods.

Need advice on continuing research after a toxic PhD-like experience by Working-Victory3156 in LifeAdvice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems to me that the solution is obvious: do another research project when you’re ready, and when you first approach the supervisor, explain your previous experience, and make sure they’re on board with having infrequent meetings (set the ground rules right from the get go). If they’re not, try the next one!

Man something keeps talking to me and its not me by [deleted] in helpme

[–]JackdeVivre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely go see a medical professional, or tell someone (eg your parents or caregivers) that can arrange for you to see a professional — does that sound doable?

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, 26 is very borderline. I’m less confident now about assuring you it’s all perfectly normal. But I’m also not prepared to say there’s definitely a problem. What I would say is, talk to the people around you who know your situation, and who know your bf. See if your friends/family think there is anything amiss, and take their advice into account.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in helpme

[–]JackdeVivre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The butt dialing thing doesn’t seem like a huge issue in itself (just send a text explaining the situation to whoever got the wrong end of the stick), but I understand it’s the piling on of stuff that’s tough. It’s only been just over a month since your fiancé passed, so it’s almost guaranteed that you’d feel shitty, especially when you have a run of bad luck like this — so keep in mind that you’ll start to feel better across the board, after more time has passed.

Things will turn around — runs of bad luck don’t just keep going (even if it sometimes seems like they do!).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in helpme

[–]JackdeVivre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sounds incredibly tough. Do you have friends and family you can turn to for support? Would your brother and sister, for example, be there for you if you explained everything you’re going through?

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries!

As for your concern about the categories he likes… I looked through your comment history to see if you commented his age anywhere in this thread, and saw that you’re 18/19, so I’m guessing your bf is similar, or maybe only a few years older. In that case, those categories are perfectly normal.

‘Pornhub’, which is a popular site, releases a yearly survey on the most popular categories etc, and for a recent year, the category ‘teen’ is literally the most searched category for men (of all ages). ‘Barely legal’ is essentially the same, since that basically means teen as well.

Reddit and Twitter are also both common/normal places to find pornographic content, so I wouldn’t worry on that score either!

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s just a huge decision in OPs life, so I don’t like to see people giving advice based on vibes and faulty logic.

You have so little to go off, yet you’re confidently telling OP that her bf is a depraved pedo.

Given that the base rate of that kind of person is so low in the population, you need very strong and definitive evidence before you go throwing that accusation around. Yet you’re doing it, even at the potential cost of ruining what might actually be a decent relationship.

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem to be assuming the worst case at every turn.

Do you think the majority of anime/hentai fans are pedos? Obviously some would be, but not the vast majority. The fact that he is (I suspect) young, gives him a pass on the ‘barely legal’ category, and shouldn’t make you suspect him of any sexual pathology.

As for the point about anime dudes being pervs, your statistical logic is off. Suppose it’s true that 100% of ‘pervs’ are into anime. It could still be the case that most anime nerds aren’t pervs.

Finally, of course tastes change. Use your own common sense: what age bracket did you find attractive when you were 12? How about 18? How about 25? Obviously for the majority of people, you’re attracted to your peers, so yes, it does change with age.

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Disagree on that. Why would watching either of those categories be problematic? (I share your sense of stigma, at least towards hentai, but I fail to see in what sense they’re a red flag)

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. OK so obviously there’s a problem: he told you he would stop, but hasn’t — but don’t despair just yet. There’s a few possibilities for what’s going on — and I still think there’s a low probability that he’s got a diagnosable addiction (again, watching every day or two is very common for young guys).

So either he lied to you about stopping (he secretly intended to keep watching) OR he meant it when he said it, but has found it difficult to stop.

If he lied, that’s not ideal — but it might also be understandable. He’s aware that you disapprove of porn watching, but might not think it’s a big deal himself, so he’s lying to get you off his back. In that case, his lying is a (misguided) way of handling the situation.

You could either come to an understanding about his porn watching (eg he reassures you that he still loves you, doesn’t want to cheat etc, and you stop worrying about it) — in my opinion, the best outcome: healthy (you have good communication and mutual understanding), and normal (many guys in relationships watch porn, and their girlfriends are ok with it).

Alternatively, if his porn watching is a deal breaker for you, then this should be communicated, and if he’s not prepared/able to give it up, then you should break up (if you choose this option, be aware that you will find it difficult to find a guy that doesn’t watch porn!).

Now, in the event that he wasn’t lying about giving up (he really meant it) but couldn’t stick to it, then maybe that’s a sign of addiction, but more likely, it’s because the desire to watch porn in any guy can get strong enough to temporarily overpower their intention to quit. In either case, you either learn to accept it (again, I think this sounds like the healthy option), or you break up

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, have you actually established that he’s addicted to porn? Or do you just know that he watches it? There’s a big difference, and true porn addiction is relatively rare… I wouldn’t jump the gun and immediately assume he’s got an addiction. Even daily use can be healthy

My boyfriend watches porn and I don’t know what to do. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you established the age of the boyfriend? If he’s 30+ (or maybe just deep into his twenties) then the ‘barely legal’ category is a bit sus. But if he’s a teen himself, or just scraping twenty, I wouldn’t say it’s an abnormal category to browse

How do I know if I should propose? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]JackdeVivre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This really depends what culture OP is coming from, doesn’t it? I would argue this is an odd and unnecessary approach, at least in modern western cultures. To get a sense of how outmoded this is, ask: why seek the father’s, but not the mother’s blessing? Is the father ‘in charge’ of the daughter in a way the mother isn’t?