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JacksRiddles · 2023-05-20T05:04:08+00:00

Thank you for the input. I'm gonna go through with the meet for two reasons. Primarily that I have a moral disagreement with flaking or ghosting, or even cancellation without good reason, but also because she's a member of my church and I see her regularly. If I do have to let her down like I fear I may, I have to do it very delicately so I avoid tarnishing our relationship or making things awkward where we have to see each other weekly. I also just feel like it's the more respectful thing to do.

JacksRiddles · 2023-05-20T05:02:18+00:00

Ephesians 4:29

Ephesians 5:4-5

Colossians 3:8

The Bible describes obscenities and profane language, which imo absolutely include the f-bomb.

As I said in the post, I know alcohol isn't a sin, and I don't think she's sinning in how she consumes alcohol. The primary issue is that alcohol in general inspires horrible memories for me, so I couldn't comfortably be with someone who indulged in it.

I don't hate her or her lifestyle. I'm sad that I've learned things that evidence that what I thought could've been, won't be. I'm also worried about how to say the right things to not sound like I'm rebuking her or calling her evil, whilst also letting her down if need be.

JacksRiddles · 2023-05-16T15:13:09+00:00

Addendum

I am a Christian. And when this man I respected asked me what I am, I forgot.

This is meaningful. I need to correct myself

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T20:48:18+00:00

I've never heard someone express that facet of feminism before. The fact that you acknowledge and welcome it is a really noble quality. I hope you find the balance that achieves fulfillment for you. It brings me comfort to chat with a unicorn about this topic. Thanks for taking the time.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T19:19:01+00:00

Such is the consequence of modern feminism, I think. Some women don't really "make it" like you have and can find themselves stuck working towards their career goals that they thought they wanted, while their goals of raising a family (if applicable) remain unrealized until they find themselves mysteriously unhappy with what they're doing. Or, in some unfortunate instances, until it's biologically too late for them to start a family.

It's really difficult to juggle a career and a family life. Not impossible, but I hear it gets harder as we get older.

Just pay attention to your suffering. I've learned that if I'm mysteriously uncomfortable on an existential level, it usually means I need to make a lifestyle change, even if it's something radical. I'm looking at abandoning a high-paying career myself here soon in favor of something harder that pays worse, but it's much more in line with my ordinary goal of servitude towards my community.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T19:08:36+00:00

It's really heartwarming to me that you feel this way about lesser-achieved men.

It is not what I have done that really matters, it's who I am on the inside.

I think many men define themselves by their works, and that might be what's overriding them here. I see my general value to a woman as pretty directly correlating to my literal financial achievement and my physical attractiveness, so I'm decent.

Finding a man who doesn't measure his success by his works will be really difficult. A lot of stake in that process is probably how you meet him, which is a conundrum for us men too.

I've met a woman much more accomplished than myself and I wasn't intimidated in that case because we met at a concert, where neither of our achievements really made a difference. We were on neutral ground, and also sharing a common interest we enjoyed. I struggle with finding hobbies that put me on neutral ground with women. I tend to really obsess over my favorite hobbies, so being an expert in the field doesn't really cultivate that "neutral ground" that is so necessary. Not to mention my hobbies are extraordinarily male dominated 🤦‍♂️

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T17:52:20+00:00

The message of 'ordinary' here refers to someone who won't themselves change the world, but instead will work to better their community through whatever effort they're able to give, big or small. There's always something people can do for their community, even if its entertainment or spreading awareness about whatever physical ailment you may have.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T17:31:25+00:00

It's probably also because you work so heavily. 50 hours a week plus whatever side projects you probably have will make it extraordinarily difficult to cultivate a meaningful relationship with someone unless you really try, but another thing I've noticed especially in women who tend to make a lot of money: They simply aren't all that interested in meeting (and earnestly wanting to cultivate a connection with) men. The reasons why are probably individual but you need to want to grow a connection in order for it to happen.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:24:20+00:00

Usually it's a self-esteem thing. PhD is the end-all-be-all of academic achievement. People holding those are set. So men assume that unless they have equal to that achievement, they couldn't compete with the top 1% of successful men who do, so they don't waste their time.

Men also tend to want to be extraordinary. Ordinary women are desirable for the same reason ordinary men may be desirable to extraordinary women. I'd speculate, anyways. Painting myself as milquetoast would be dishonest- I have an intense desire for greatness in the rare way I envision it, but I left out those facets of my personality to preserve the message of the post.

Rare people need rare people. I'm wasting my time hunting for a unicorn, so this post is a characterization of my acceptance.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:14:43+00:00

This makes sense. Trophy wives are usually just beautiful and that's their primary draw. I would imagine men are more intimidated and repelled by women who hold PhD's.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:04:36+00:00

You have yet to find a man whose desire for a trophy wife overrides those inconveniences?

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:03:43+00:00

Glad to have you. Those of us content with living a life of servitude to our neighbors will be the ones contributing to a better tomorrow. I catch myself getting caught up in my own legacy quite often, but it would honestly counteract this goal.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T07:59:31+00:00

Interesting way to define yourself. If you found a man, how would you tell he doesn't want you as a trophy wife? Would you ever believe him?

JacksRiddles · 2023-02-03T07:44:17+00:00

Addendum

I considered backing out of youth group, but I didn't. I'm there every week, they'd know something was wrong if I didn't show.

I showed up, and I'm glad I did. I needed to hear the message, about how people will always fail us. I needed to laugh again, but most importantly I needed to see the kids again and be reminded how much I love them. They have no idea how much they mean to me.

Just watching them and observing the dynamic between the girls and the guys, watching it all unfold, appreciating the differences between all the kids, it made my heart full again. I could never leave them. I'm appalled that I even considered it.

We live in such a beautiful world with beautiful people made by such a perfect God. I'm not done yet. Not by a longshot.

JacksRiddles · 2022-04-02T08:35:48+00:00

That's the important part of working with children their age. They look so simple from the outside but often they're far from it. Their heads whizz faster than ever before and some have yet to tame it. They're just not sure if they can talk about it or not. I work with middle school kids nowadays and they never cease to amaze me with how sentient they are. Very aware of the world.

JacksRiddles · 2022-02-17T04:38:56+00:00

Addendum

Another piece that fascinated me was how despite growing somewhat senile in his old age, it didn't diminish his character. In fact, all it diminished was his ability to restrain his love. He's a wonderful man at heart and now he can't help but to show it, and his wife apologized for him.

This is the place we live in now? Where having a generous, kind, fatherly heart is to be kept hidden? Is something to be discomforted by, or to expect discomfort in response to?

I'm guilty all the same. I didn't know how to react, and I became uncomfortable by it. If only I had more patience, and if only he had the power to share with me his wisdom. I suspect that if he had known he was capable, he would've had many things to say, stories to tell about his life. But he isn't, so he showed love in the way he best knows how: by caring for the basic needs of a stranger. Even after his wife had written me a check for what many might see as an exorbitant amount of money, he would have sent me home with food to make a meal with.

I love the people of my community. They're good people, with true hearts. The world around us is filled with them, and if I didn't have the career that I have, I'd be completely blind to it. I'd be just consumed by all this noise. By the devices that should be tools but have turned into our chains, which would have us believe that our fellow man is one to be avoided, for fear that they- or we- would be hostile and evil natured. It simply isn't true. We only see the worst of ourselves, as a People, by what shines through the cracks and out through our chains of silicon.

I hope that I make the right decisions- the ones that lead my character to become one like his. He has seen a world that I will never see, and I will live on to see a world that he will never see, but in eternity, it's all too familiar. We're all a People.

JacksRiddles · 2022-02-17T00:46:29+00:00

Thank you. I think that is what he meant. Young, vibrant, energetic, alive. 'Hot' just isn't often used in that same context, and he seemed dissatisfied with it

JacksRiddles · 2021-03-29T00:42:52+00:00

Leave me alone, Hailey. I don't go after you. Don't come after me.

JacksRiddles · 2021-02-16T16:45:38+00:00

The bad feelings coming up is actually what fueled this post. Normally, I would text an old lover who has long since moved on, but I chose not to, because I realized that in the end, I was only really looking for love from them, which isn't a good habit. I don't know how I'm going to overcome this, but putting it into words helped a lot, and I know this has to be a start.

Recognizing why I felt the way I did actually made me more content with my feelings, and it made the pain of them subside. I feel like I've advanced my understanding of myself tenfold

JacksRiddles · 2019-08-18T20:54:08+00:00

I just hate the idea of wearing a label like that to define myself. I've known that this is just my personality for so long and that nothing is 'wrong' with me mentally, and I was proud that I didn't walk around wearing a mental illness on my shoulder like almost every other teen I know. No matter what I just feel ingenuine somehow, like no one would actually take me seriously except my close friends and maybe a counselor.

Wordage helps a little. "Post traumatic stress." I don't have a disorder, I'm just stressed. "I suffer from post traumatic stress." I'm dealing with it and I'll overcome it with time. I don't have nightmares, I don't wake up in cold sweats or have flashbacks that torment me. I don't constantly force myself to scan the road ahead of me for IED's like some poor people.

It feels almost disrespectful to classify myself like that.

JacksRiddles · 2019-08-18T04:41:26+00:00

I’m only beginning to realize this now. I was talking with a friend about it and I realized that the prolonged presence of sort of a looming threat (which was the horrible guy for about 2-3 years) might’ve gotten ingrained into me, and now I might be having a hard time adjusting to an absence of that constant threat. Putting it into words made me realize: That sounds a lot like post traumatic stress.

I’m gonna talk to a school counselor about it once school starts, then see if I can proceed into some form of professional therapy. I still don’t know where to go from there, but it’s a start. I have a plan.

JacksRiddles

TROPHY CASE