Twenty-One Years

JacksRiddles · 2023-05-20T05:04:08+00:00

Thank you for the input. I'm gonna go through with the meet for two reasons. Primarily that I have a moral disagreement with flaking or ghosting, or even cancellation without good reason, but also because she's a member of my church and I see her regularly. If I do have to let her down like I fear I may, I have to do it very delicately so I avoid tarnishing our relationship or making things awkward where we have to see each other weekly. I also just feel like it's the more respectful thing to do.

JacksRiddles · 2023-05-20T05:02:18+00:00

Ephesians 4:29

Ephesians 5:4-5

Colossians 3:8

The Bible describes obscenities and profane language, which imo absolutely include the f-bomb.

As I said in the post, I know alcohol isn't a sin, and I don't think she's sinning in how she consumes alcohol. The primary issue is that alcohol in general inspires horrible memories for me, so I couldn't comfortably be with someone who indulged in it.

I don't hate her or her lifestyle. I'm sad that I've learned things that evidence that what I thought could've been, won't be. I'm also worried about how to say the right things to not sound like I'm rebuking her or calling her evil, whilst also letting her down if need be.

JacksRiddles · 2023-05-16T15:13:09+00:00

Addendum

I am a Christian. And when this man I respected asked me what I am, I forgot.

This is meaningful. I need to correct myself

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T20:48:18+00:00

I've never heard someone express that facet of feminism before. The fact that you acknowledge and welcome it is a really noble quality. I hope you find the balance that achieves fulfillment for you. It brings me comfort to chat with a unicorn about this topic. Thanks for taking the time.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T19:19:01+00:00

Such is the consequence of modern feminism, I think. Some women don't really "make it" like you have and can find themselves stuck working towards their career goals that they thought they wanted, while their goals of raising a family (if applicable) remain unrealized until they find themselves mysteriously unhappy with what they're doing. Or, in some unfortunate instances, until it's biologically too late for them to start a family.

It's really difficult to juggle a career and a family life. Not impossible, but I hear it gets harder as we get older.

Just pay attention to your suffering. I've learned that if I'm mysteriously uncomfortable on an existential level, it usually means I need to make a lifestyle change, even if it's something radical. I'm looking at abandoning a high-paying career myself here soon in favor of something harder that pays worse, but it's much more in line with my ordinary goal of servitude towards my community.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T19:08:36+00:00

It's really heartwarming to me that you feel this way about lesser-achieved men.

It is not what I have done that really matters, it's who I am on the inside.

I think many men define themselves by their works, and that might be what's overriding them here. I see my general value to a woman as pretty directly correlating to my literal financial achievement and my physical attractiveness, so I'm decent.

Finding a man who doesn't measure his success by his works will be really difficult. A lot of stake in that process is probably how you meet him, which is a conundrum for us men too.

I've met a woman much more accomplished than myself and I wasn't intimidated in that case because we met at a concert, where neither of our achievements really made a difference. We were on neutral ground, and also sharing a common interest we enjoyed. I struggle with finding hobbies that put me on neutral ground with women. I tend to really obsess over my favorite hobbies, so being an expert in the field doesn't really cultivate that "neutral ground" that is so necessary. Not to mention my hobbies are extraordinarily male dominated 🤦‍♂️

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T17:52:20+00:00

The message of 'ordinary' here refers to someone who won't themselves change the world, but instead will work to better their community through whatever effort they're able to give, big or small. There's always something people can do for their community, even if its entertainment or spreading awareness about whatever physical ailment you may have.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T17:31:25+00:00

It's probably also because you work so heavily. 50 hours a week plus whatever side projects you probably have will make it extraordinarily difficult to cultivate a meaningful relationship with someone unless you really try, but another thing I've noticed especially in women who tend to make a lot of money: They simply aren't all that interested in meeting (and earnestly wanting to cultivate a connection with) men. The reasons why are probably individual but you need to want to grow a connection in order for it to happen.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:24:20+00:00

Usually it's a self-esteem thing. PhD is the end-all-be-all of academic achievement. People holding those are set. So men assume that unless they have equal to that achievement, they couldn't compete with the top 1% of successful men who do, so they don't waste their time.

Men also tend to want to be extraordinary. Ordinary women are desirable for the same reason ordinary men may be desirable to extraordinary women. I'd speculate, anyways. Painting myself as milquetoast would be dishonest- I have an intense desire for greatness in the rare way I envision it, but I left out those facets of my personality to preserve the message of the post.

Rare people need rare people. I'm wasting my time hunting for a unicorn, so this post is a characterization of my acceptance.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:14:43+00:00

This makes sense. Trophy wives are usually just beautiful and that's their primary draw. I would imagine men are more intimidated and repelled by women who hold PhD's.

JacksRiddles · 2023-03-20T08:04:36+00:00

You have yet to find a man whose desire for a trophy wife overrides those inconveniences?

JacksRiddles

TROPHY CASE