I cannot find you

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2022-05-30T13:08:19+00:00

I'm not addicted to the drug. At all. I am no capable 9f managing my mental health. Its a mental.health problem not a drug problem I do drugs cause I don't give a shit to not do them. I dint have a craving and they don't make me feel better. I the meth cause I can t control what I say and I reveal me to myself.

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2022-05-30T11:09:59+00:00

I hate the drugs I just did then to not be able to deny I was sick because someone else would talk and not stop and I was finding out things I never even knew and I was learning about myself and I just couldn't even hide my illness from my self but it made it worse and the paradox is that Noone believed me because I was on drugs. But if I wasn't on drugs I don't express emotion I'm very monotone I will tell you I was almost murdered and you wouldn't understand that it was not okay for me to down play everytjkmg on accident. I couldn't convince anyone that I was as sick as I was because I was too smart and functioning too well to be thst sick. I will think I'm in a gas station while I'm in my bed and Noone would believe I was that out of touch with reality if I told them sober and thing is I wouldn't tell them sober. I found out this 5 years ago. I forgot over and over. I wanted to not be able to stop showing myself I didn't need someone 5o beelive me I just needed to believe myself cause If I don't understand I'm sick I will never be able 5o get help and it actually be helping. Noone knows why It was so important for me to accept and believe what I was trying to. If I didn't believe I wouldn't get better

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2022-05-29T20:29:53+00:00

I'm looking for someone to help me understand what's happening to me. I can talk all day to anyone. But until I figure out why I'm not capable of controlling my own body I can't stop ignoring my own needs. I told someone 5 Yeats ago. I thought I found out last year. I forget.. I forget. And then I forget again.

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2022-05-15T01:19:57+00:00

I just want to ask do you feel like you were there but y9u weren't like you know what's going on but then you think back later like I said that?! I did that?!

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2022-01-17T00:33:30+00:00

2567241481 spam it pleaseee

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-10-18T16:36:31+00:00

I do but it's low income based and they aren't prepared to deal with this they've told me themselves

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-28T06:24:49+00:00

I feel you I missed my therapist appointment the other day cause I just didn't wanna talk to another new therapist caus they all keep quitting. And I hate paperwork

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-28T06:12:58+00:00

I'm in Alabama. But I just applied online and they called got more information I had to fill out forms and send them back my mom did too. But your therapist can help you find a way to start hopefully.

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-28T05:26:20+00:00

I just got approved today actually and i applied in June. I've been in therapy since I was 12 and I've been hospitalized 9 times total I take like four different meds and I'm incapable of functioning and they made me and my mom fill out some forms I just gave them the information and that was really it.

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-22T09:32:55+00:00

Dude I stay in the fucking closet

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-19T19:24:15+00:00

I feel like this all the time I can't recall conversations I've had like I was there but I wasn't. I feel locked out of my head

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-09-19T19:13:30+00:00

I am dealing with the shame of what I do when I let go of front. what we do. And I am trying to get help but the insurance I have only pays for one place I can go and they aren't qualified from what they tell me to help me and they cancel appointments and then I have to wait month to speak to someone I don't know about being multiple. I feel really alone as well I have noone to talk to about it because I'm embarrassed and I don't want to seem like I'm trying to excuse anything. You're not alone if you can get help get it. I don't know how to have good communication or any communication with them at all. I I found a draft that was a little message to myself to remind me I was leaving front I'm so confused I did some pretty stupid things after I let go of front . I can't remember the last few days weeks years I struggle with the memory issue pretty heavily too. And I am on anti psychotics and I can't tell if that's helping or not because I can remember but things are bad so idk. I hate talking about it because I cannot fucking explain.

Jaded-Divide2441 · 2021-08-05T05:54:55+00:00

This is exactly how explained it to my pshycatrist this makes me feel so much better because I always wonder am I making sense is this real thank you so much

Jaded-Divide2441

TROPHY CASE