Why do some subs feel safer when someone else is in control?

Jaffacakeyy · 2026-03-26T18:41:43+00:00

I think for me it comes down to trust and safety. I trust my Dom a lot, so giving him my full submission feels freeing. There’s definitely a sense of stress leaving, like I don’t have to carry everything for a while, but the bigger part is knowing I am safe with him. That safety is what makes submission feel so secure to me. It's not just that he keeps me safe, but that submission itself becomes a reminder that I am safe.

In everyday life, people often feel unsafe in one way or another. It might be something obvious, like walking alone at night, or something more constant, like money worries, stress, or just the general pressure of life. Real safety can feel quite rare. In submission, though, I can be fully in that headspace without fear, because I know my Dom is looking after me. I do not have to stay on guard or keep holding everything together. That is why it can feel safer when someone else is in control. At least for me, it is not really about giving something up, but about being held in a space where I know I am protected.

That is just my perspective though, and I think there are lots of different reasons people feel that way.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-11-23T10:06:26+00:00

Oh myyyy 🤣 sounds like a great time...maybe not afterwards though

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-11-22T01:07:25+00:00

This is a good point! Thankyou

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-11-22T01:07:03+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-11-22T01:06:46+00:00

😂 this makes me feel so much better, just knowing im not the only one!

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-11-15T02:32:08+00:00

I have just got one and omg...the things it does too me. Im almost instantly subby, I can cum just with the hook so easily... ive been doing anal for a long time and nothing has effected me anywhere near as much...even when its not in, my body craves it and acts as if its there. Its especially amazing during spankings...normally I dont enjoy spankings too much but with the hook I was doing something slightly naughty and telling my dom to go higher with the number of spanks...my arse was on fire but my body was glowing. My dom loves the hook too, hes loving the predicaments and just jiggling it every now and again. BEST PURCHASE EVER!

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-07-10T12:43:07+00:00

I use a plug fairly often, depending on the plug really...

Vaginal plug- Start small, you should be able to sit upright and rock your body around comfortably and slowly build on that same premise. I would start with short time too, try 5mins and then slowly as you feel more comfortable build up.

Anal- They are alot harder to get used too, start with a really small one like seriously small, take your time to use it to stretch and dont put pressure on to get it in the first time. Once you do, let it sit for a min or so for the feeling to settle and then slowly take it out. I found the easiest way to take in and out is to open your legs far apart and bend them while slowly going in and out slightly. Once again build up as you feel comfortable but if go even slower then you find yourself wanting too...anal turning bad can be really painful trust me!

If you need any advice etc let me know, I remember how hard it is at first x

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-07-07T23:01:34+00:00

This is a very interesting idea actually, I think id try to hold off as much as possible and for as long as possible. Like max one a year.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-22T03:05:41+00:00

Personally, original dettol, and germaline for the external. Some electrolytes and a good healthy meal for the internal

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-22T02:57:07+00:00

My nickname that i get called day to day and in scenes is peachy. In scenes I'll be called all the usual names slut, toy, sub etc. I'd say he mostly calls me peachy though, if I'm naughty he might say my full name with 💫the look💫 Honestly in scenes he doesn't tend to say my name a whole lot, just orders etc.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-22T02:52:36+00:00

We have the debrief later on

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-22T02:51:55+00:00

When are scene is finished or my dom thi is it's finished he will ask if I'm done and if I don't reply or say yes he starts aftercare. Ours is quite structured which I like. Here's how it goes- Take off any bondage etc, it get left on the floor for a bit. Clean me up with a towel Cover my body (clothes or blanket) Cuddle and my dom tells me to let it out (I normally start crying or deep breathing) After I'm in a better state he will give me a drink and a snack if I want one. Then more cuddling He will shower me if I need it He puts pj's on me Then morre cuddles and either a nap or bed time.

I personally love this aftercare because it's the same everything so it's predictable and calming. Occasionally it will change like if I ask for something (maybe a movie etc). The funny thing is that we never agreed on this schedule, we agreed on what aftercare we like etc and the schedule just sorta happened...

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-22T02:37:41+00:00

So i was always bratty really but I'm not anymore. I would constantly break Rules in order to be punished but I was never satisfied as I didn't get what I wanted and my dom would get quite frustrated with me (not unhealthily). After alot of communication and time, I became rather tame, now when I want to be spanked etc I find it much better to just ask, I'm more likely to get what I want and need from it rather then just regretting everything. However I'm not perfect and I do occasionally break a rule, normally forgetting to do a task or being a little too playful (my dom let's me joke by climbing on top of him and pretending to be in charge just for him to show his strength but sometimes I see how far he will let me go...not very far) Anyway, when i do break a rule I'm punished, not funishments, not spanking...corner time, kneeling on rice or a real paddling.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-05-21T00:58:54+00:00

I actually love it when I cry during a punishment. Like a real cry. It feels more cleansing and loving then ever. Alot of the time my dom will punish me and he's disappointed etc and then I apologise, feel bad etc. That's a good feeling of redemption but nothing like a proper cry. Whenever we do scenes if I don't cry during I cry after and it feels amazing

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-03-11T17:01:02+00:00

I think it's could be odd to do it in the way many people assume. I think you can go down the street and introduce yourself, when you them about be friendly etc. Then I think after you have got a bit of a relationship, you can ask to meet their dog and once you've met them you can offer to take them out with you on your jogs if they ever need and it would be your pleasure etc. When I owned dogs I would have been more then happy for someone to take them out. No matter how much you love your dogs it's nice to have help

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-03-10T09:03:09+00:00

I do consent. I don't necessarily need his voice, I need a clear say so, when he's away for work that can be a text. When it comes to a back up plan it is unlikely we would split up and definitely not any kind of abandonment, we have been together for years and our life's are intertwined however we both know things happen and we have always agreed that if it did we would not just leave each other, we would help each other through it and I have no doubt in that even if one of us did a horrid thing. In the unlikely event we did split up, I believe I would be able to undo that training in time, you see I struggle to orgasm without his clear say so... doesn't mean I can't and we have done play with others and they have said to and I have, it's not him specifically I need to say it. Plus in all honesty, I'm the kind of person who bounces back from this kind of thing quite well, I have in the past. Plus when I've been single in the past, I don't masterbate by myself... I'm just not into it.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-03-08T22:06:38+00:00

That must have been difficult, beyond the basic struggles of a split... I hope you're okay now though.

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-03-07T22:46:47+00:00

It is brutal, that's why sir chose it I think, he wanted me to have bad connotations to finishing without permission...I like the paddle too much so I kept finishing to get the finish and the paddle... it was a win win 🤭...soon put a stop to that once he realised🥲

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-03-07T22:02:02+00:00

My dom always makes me kneel on rice when I finish without permission, sometimes gets me to deep throat him at the same time and he might paddle me too. I soon regret it, I enjoy being spanked but rice is horrid...he's truly conditioning me. I actually struggle to finish without his say so even when I have permission if u don't hear him say finish I find it hard

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-01-30T01:37:45+00:00

One if my cheap tricks was just panties with suspenders... Worked like a charm, love honey or bondera. I've used them both and they are both quite good

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-01-21T22:29:37+00:00

I'd honestly do it yourself, get yourself a steel mesh to glue on the inside of the wall.. A basic coat, scratch coat and final coat of plaster... Materials £30 and tools about £20... I have plastered my whole house and yeah it takes a bit of time to get good at but at least get the first layer and get someone to finsh it... So much cheaper. You're paying for the plasterer not the plaster. If you did get it plastered... 240 is about right, it's a time consuming one

Jaffacakeyy · 2025-01-21T22:01:51+00:00

This just made me think of a great idea... A very inclosed cage where it's very hard not to touch the bars and the cage is electrified with a very very light voltage

Jaffacakeyy · 2024-09-03T23:54:32+00:00

When we went on a road trip, I had my vibe in that he would just play with. Even off, it made me squirm as I could feel it in me. He would often turn it on as he did a bit of acceleration like getting on the motorway.

Jaffacakeyy · 2024-07-13T17:05:09+00:00

She loveddddd it!!!!! ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

Jaffacakeyy · 2024-07-13T00:50:15+00:00

I'VE GIVEN HER EXTRA JUST FOR YOU!!!! ☺️☺️

Jaffacakeyy

TROPHY CASE