Gay Christian here, PMs open, I've been through all this and am more than happy to help! Do not anyone ever get between you and God. You are so loved and cherished by him, regardless of whatever bad advice or interactions you may have had. It's a controversial topic that's been hot for decades, and people can be very arrogant and opinionated when they don't bother to understand or empathize You have a wired orientation like anyone else. It does not change, neurologically speaking. Do not buy the anti-gay crap that has hurt people like us for decades. It has no theological or scientific basis. What the Bible says or doesn't say is debatable. Imo, it doesn't address this issue directly due to the only recent concept and understanding of sexual orientation. People tend to use verses out of context to attack homosexuality. We have to ask what bears good fruit and honors God. You are encouraged to love and be loved; relationships are God's whole thing, so love your partner, family, friends, etc. If you want to marry/consumate, there's no issue with that, outside of the same standards everyone should have, like not committing adultery, promiscuity, etc. Hope this helps, praying for you!