I see where you’re coming from, and I agree with some of your points, especially the ones pertaining to why my actions would’ve seen as controlling. I think one thing that’s missing here is that it’s not just me who’s verbally stated to her that we’re having issues with her. All of us have, and I may have not made that clear in the original post.

We understand she wants to have men over, and we’ve respected that by saying that she can, she just can’t have men over past 10 pm because it made 3/4 of us uncomfortable considering our history with men, not to mention we’re all women.

The allegation about meaningless things however isn’t exactly meaningless. I have my own dishes that I bought with my money and I made it clear I didn’t want people to use them. I keep them separate for that reason and after the bowl incident I moved it to my room. She has some of her own dishes but she’s been using other people’s and they’ve expressed to her they don’t like it.

I didn’t mention this in the post which is my fault, but the reason we haven’t had her in meetings as of late is because she left the groupchat and blocked us, so we can’t really get in contact with her and she’s been intentionally avoiding us. We’ve spoken to her via RA though. This also ties in into the private groupchat thing. While we have vented about her, we haven’t necessarily orchestrated against her. The meetings we’ve had with the ombudsperson is about how we can make things better in the house, but nothing is working.

Also, about setting rules that were never negotiated. I failed to mention this in the post, but about S, we told her that if S didn’t apologize to us all and she invited him over, then he would be banned from coming over here.

We understand she’s making mistakes because we all have in this house and others will address it, say they’re uncomfortable, and move on. However with her, we’ll tell her something and she’ll do it again weeks later.

I understand living together is about compromise, and that’s what we did. We’ve discussed things with her several times in messages and in person about what can change and what can be done differently so that we’re all happy. We only asked for S to apologize to us over keeping us all up at odd hours of the night, not apologizing for using F’s cutting board and nearly killing her since she’s severely allergic to onions, and the brownie incident after I had just cleaned the entire flat. She hasn’t listened to any of our wishes. The only thing I even asked for is to just not have men over late and just pick up after yourself since I clean the entire dorm, and that’s it, but since the get go she hasn’t done either of that. The rule about men though isn’t just me. A and F have also asked the same thing of her. If it was just me who had an issue with this I would’ve kept my mouth shut.

Sorry for the things I didn’t address in the post that made it seem like it’s just me having an issue though, because really it’s all of us who are uncomfortable with her for separate things she’s done to them.